Imagine being unable to say, "I am hungry," "I am in pain," "thank you," or "I love you."
想象一下不能说出“我饿了”,“我好疼” “谢谢”以及“我爱你”的情形。
Being trapped inside your body, a body that doesn't respond to commands. Surrounded by people, yet utterly alone.
被束缚在自己的身体里,一个不能作出响应的身体,尽管被人群包围,但却沉浸在无尽的孤独中。
Wishing you could reach out, to connect, to comfort, to participate. For 13 long years, that was my reality.
极力想要接触身边的人群,去联系、去安抚、去参与。这就是我十三年来的处境。
Most of us never think twice about talking, about communicating. I've thought a lot about it. I've had a lot of time to think.
几乎没有人仔细的关注过自己的言谈和交流,我却思考了非常非常多,我有很多时间去想这些事。
For the first 12 years of my life, I was a normal, happy, healthy little boy. Then everything changed. I contracted a brain infection.
在我生命中的前十二年中,我曾是一个平常的、活泼的、健康的男孩。但是后来一切都发生了翻天覆地的变化,我不幸罹患脑部感染。
The doctors weren't sure what it was, but they treated me the best they could. However, I progressively got worse.
我的医生不确定我感染了何物,但是他们尽全力医治我。但是我的病情急剧恶化。
Eventually, I lost my ability to control my movements, make eye contact, and finally, my ability to speak.
后来,我失去了控制自己行动的能力,失去了用眼神沟通的能力,最终,失去了说话的能力。
While in hospital, I desperately wanted to go home. I said to my mother, "When home?"
当我还在医院的时候,我近乎绝望地想要回到家中。我对我的母亲说“什么时候回家?”
Those were the last words I ever spoke with my own voice. I would eventually fail every test for mental awareness.
这是我自己说出的最后几个字。后来,我没有通过任何一个心理意识测验。
My parents were told I was as good as not there. A vegetable, having the intelligence of a three-month-old baby.
我的父母被告知我是否仍在医院休养已没有太大差别,在他们眼里我成了一个和三个月婴儿智力无异的植物人。
They were told to take me home and try to keep me comfortable until I died.
医生建议他们把我带回家,让我过的尽可能舒适一些,直到我死去。
My parents, in fact my entire family's lives, became consumed by taking care of me the best they knew how.
我父母的,甚至是整个家庭的生活都因被尽可能好的照顾我而淹没。
Their friends drifted away. One year turned to two, two turned to three. It seemed like the person I once was began to disappear.
他们的朋友离他们远去,一年又一年,看起来原来的我逐渐消失。
The Lego blocks and electronic circuits I'd loved as a boy were put away. I had been moved out of my bedroom into another more practical one.
我爱玩的乐高积木和电路板被收了起来。我被从我的卧室搬了出来,到了另外一个更方便的房间。
I had become a ghost, a faded memory of a boy people once knew and loved.
我变成了一个幽灵,变成了一个人们模糊记忆中曾被人们熟知和喜爱的小男孩。