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You suck at cooking, yeah you totally suck.
你的厨艺弱爆了，完全弱爆了。
Today we're making the croque monsieur, which in French means fancy grilled cheese with other stuff.
今天我们要做的是火腿干酪三明治，在法语中的意思是花哨的烤奶酪三明治加其他东西。
Not to be confused with the croak monsieur.
不要把croque（干脆的）和croak（嗓音干哑的）弄混了。
Also not to be confused with the croquet monsieur, which is a fun game you can play with your family and also the people you love.
也不要把croque和croquet（槌球）弄混了，槌球是一种有趣的游戏，可以和你的家人以及你喜欢的人一起玩。
Some say the croque monsieur was invented by a cafe worker in Paris.
有人说火腿干酪三明治是巴黎一家咖啡馆的店员发明的。
But sandwich historians know it was created when a grilled cheese and a ham sandwich got together and f...
但研究三明治历史的人知道，它就是烤奶酪三明治和火腿三明治在一起之后生出来的。
And we'll start by making a bechamel sauce, also known as white gravy.
首先做白酱，白酱也叫做白色肉汁。
And to make a bechamel sauce we need to start by making a roux.
要做白酱，首先要做奶油炒面糊。
To make the roux, start by melting 1.5 tablespoons of butter on low heat,
要做奶油炒面糊，首先用小火融化1.5汤匙黄油，
and adding 1.5 tablespoons of flour, which we will immediately start wanjangling,
然后加入1.5汤匙面粉，面粉一进锅就要立刻开始搅拌，
and we won't stop wanjangling until it's thoroughly wanglified and foamy.
直到面糊完全搅拌均匀且起泡才可以。
Do this for a couple minutes to get rid of the floury taste, but not until it darkens, and there you have your roux.
一直这样搅几分钟，可以去除面粉的味道，但不要搅太久让面糊变焦，这样奶油炒面糊就做好了。
Not to be confused with rue, which is something you drive on.
不要roux和rue弄混了，rue是你开车行驶过的街道。
Now we're gonna slowly add a cup of milk.
现在慢慢地加入一杯牛奶。
As you first add the milk, it's gonna get all clumpy and you're gonna think oh no, I've ruined my roux.
刚开始加牛奶时，面糊会结块，你会想“哦，糟了，我把奶油炒面糊搞砸了”。
Then you add some more and it turns into clumps of ugly gnocchi.
然后你再加一些牛奶，它就会变成很恶心的面坨子。
Then you keep going until you have mashed potatoes.
然后继续加牛奶，直到它变成土豆泥的样子。
Then you keep going until you have boiling hot sunscreen.
再继续加牛奶，直到它变成滚烫的防晒霜。
Then we'll add in some fresh dried nutmeg, pepper pepper pepper, and salt.
然后加入新鲜的干肉豆蔻，胡椒胡椒胡椒和盐。
And then keep cooking until it's getting kind of thick.
然后继续煮，直到它变得有点浓稠。
Keep in mind it'll get thicker as it cools, so try to like anticipate or whatever.
记住，等它变凉之后会变得更浓稠，所以提前要想到这一点。
And there you have your bechamel sauce.
这样白酱就做好了。
Not to be confused with Be Chanel, le nouvelle fragrance pure.
别把它跟香奈儿香水弄混了：全新纯净芳香。
Now we'll pick some fresh bread from a French garden.
现在我们要从法式花园里摘一些新鲜的面包。
The original croque monsieur was made with white bread, and that's what I've grown here.
火腿橄榄三明治最开始就是用白面包做的，我种的就是白面包。
Now we'll lay me down to sleep our first piece of bread.
现在让第一块面包躺下睡觉。
Then lather it up with some bechamel.
然后在上面涂上一些白酱。
Now we're gonna shred some Gruyere.
现在刮一些格吕耶尔干酪。
You can hold the cheese with a fork if you have a fear of touching cheese.
如果你不想碰到干酪，可以用叉子叉着干酪。
Then use the husk to exfoliate unless you suffer from a fear of husks.
然后用剩下的干酪去去角质，除非你也不敢碰到剩下的干酪。
And then throw on some of that Gruyere.
然后把格吕耶尔干酪放上去。
I read on the Internet that you can deepen your ham's flavor by water aging it, so I've been doing that in my bath.
我在网上看到，可以用水腌火腿来加深火腿的味道，所以我就在浴缸里腌了一下。
So we'll throw that ham on there. Add some more cheese.
把火腿放上去。再加一些干酪。
Then another layer of bechamel on the ceiling.
然后再来一片涂了白酱的面包，盖上去当天花板。
And we'll finish the roof with some more bechamel adhesive and cheese shingles.
屋顶上再涂一点白酱黏合剂和碎干酪。
Now the smart thing here would have been to make this directly on the pan that's going in the ondo.
明智的做法是直接在烤盘上摞好三明治。
The volcano cube is on four hundo and I'm gonna put that in there for a couple minutes.
火山立方体设定在400度，让它烤几分钟。
Then I'm gonna turn on the heat ceiling until we get an above bread hot tub going.
然后打开加热板，直到上面的面包看起来像泛着泡泡的浴缸一样。
And we'll let that roll until it starts to brown.
让泡泡翻滚一会儿，知道颜色有点变焦黄。
And that's basically the croque monsieur, which is far tastier and less annoying than the whistling PB&J (peanut butter and jelly).
火腿干酪三明治基本上就做好了，它比这个吹口哨的花生果酱三明治好吃得多，也不那么烦人。
