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Why Teachers Go Crazy
老师们是怎么被气疯的
TEACHER: Peter, what is the outside of a tree called?
老师：彼得，树的最外层叫做什么？
PETER: I don't know, Ma'am.
彼得：老师，我不知道。
TEACHER: Bark, Peter, bark!
老师：树皮（叫啊），彼得，是树皮（叫啊）！
PETER: Wow, wow, wow!
彼得：汪——汪——汪！
TEACHER: What is the most popular answer to the teacher's questions?
老师：对老师的问题最常用的回答是什么？
STUDENT: I don't know ma'am.
学生：我不知道，老师。
TEACHER: Correct!
老师：完全正确！
COOL STUDENT: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do?
酷学生：老师，你不会为我没做过的事而惩罚我吧？
TEACHER: No.
老师：当然不会。
COOL STUDENT: Good, cause I didn't do my homework!
酷学生：太好了，我没做作业！
TEACHER: Where were you born?
老师：你出生在哪里？
STUDENT: Singapore, Sir.
学生：新加坡。
TEACHER: Which part?
老师：哪部分（哪个地区？）
STUDENT: All of me, Sir.
学生：我整个都是出生在那儿的，老师。
TEACHER: Johnny, give me a sentence using the word "I."
老师：约翰尼，用“I”开头造一个句子。
JOHNNY: I is...
约翰尼：I is...
TEACHER: No Johnny, always use "I am."
老师：不对，约翰尼，要说“I am”。
JOHNNY: Oh, alright. "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
约翰尼：哦，好吧。“I是字母表中的第9个字母。”
TEACHER: What is the longest and what is the shortest?
老师：最长的和最短的分别是什么？
STUDENT: The last several minutes of a class is the longest, while the last several minutes of an exam is the shortest.
学生：一堂课的最后几分钟最长，考试交卷前的几分钟最短。
TEACHER: Michael, go to the map and show me where America is.
老师：迈克尔，到地图前面指出美洲大陆在哪儿。
MICHAEL: Here it is!
迈克尔：在这儿！
TEACHER: Good. Now class, who discovered America?
老师：很好。现在，同学们告诉我是谁发现的美洲大陆？
STUDENT: Michael!!
学生：迈克尔！
JOHNNY: I don't think I deserve a zero on this test, Sir.
约翰尼：老师，我觉得我的试卷不应该得零分。
TEACHER: I agree, but it's the lowest mark I can give you.
老师：我也同意，可这已经是我能给的最低分了。
TEACHER: Can you tell me anything about the great scientists of the 18th century?
老师：关于18世纪伟大的科学家们，你能说点儿什么吗？
PUPIL: Yes, sir, I can. They are all dead.
学生：能，老师。他们都死了。
TEACHER: George, didn't you promise me to behave?
老师：乔治，你是不是向我保证过要好好表现的？
GEORGE: Yes sir.
乔治：是的，老师。
TEACHER: And didn't I promise to punish you when you misbehave?
老师：还有，我是不是说过如果你表现不好就要惩罚你？
GEORGE: Yes sir. But since I didn't keep my promise, you don't need to keep yours.
乔治：老师，你是说过。不过既然我没能遵守我的诺言，你也就不用遵守你的了。
TEACHER: What's the shape of our earth?
老师：地球是什么形状的？
STUDENT: It's round.
学生：圆的。
TEACHER: Well, how do you know it is round?
老师：那么，你是怎么知道它是圆的呢？
STUDENT: All right, it's square then. I don't want to start an argument about it.
学生：好吧，就算它是方的吧。我可不想就此展开一场争论。
TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?
老师：如果我一只手里拿着7个橘子，另一只手里拿着8个橘子，我有什么呀？
CLASS: Big hands!
全班同学：大手！
TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-feet snake.
老师：这个盘子里有一条长着10只脚的蛇。（应为10英尺长的蛇）
STUDENT: You can't fool me, sir... snakes don't have feet.
学生：老师，你骗不了我。蛇没有脚。
TEACHER: How old is your father?
老师：你爸爸多大了？
STUDENT: As old as me.
学生：和我一样大。
TEACHER: How can that be?
老师：这怎么可能？
STUDENT: He became a father only when I was born.
学生：我出生时他才成为我爸爸的嘛。
TEACHER: John, I hope I didn't see you looking at Mary's paper.
老师：约翰，我真希望我没看到你在偷看玛丽的试卷。
JOHN: I hope you didn't either.
约翰：我也真希望你没看见。
TEACHER: Spell "WATER."
老师：拼出“water（水）”这个词。
PUPIL: OK, H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O.
学生：H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O。
TEACHER: That doesn't spell "WATER."
老师：这些拼不出“水这个词”。
PUPIL: Yes, it does it's all the letters from "H to O".
学生：怎么拼不出，这些就是H到O的所有字母。（水的分子式是H2O）
TEACHER: How do you think Shakespeare wrote such master pieces?
老师：你认为莎士比亚是怎样写出那些伟大的作品的？
COLLEGE STUDENT: With a pencil, ma'am, either a 2B or not 2B.
大学学生：是用铅笔，老师，是2B的或者不是2B的。
TEACHER: Jimmy, you missed school last Friday.
老师：吉米，你上星期五没来上课（你很遗憾没来上课；miss缺勤；因为没有……而感到遗憾）
JIMMY: You're wrong, Sir.
吉米：老师，你错了。
TEACHER: Wrong, how is that?
老师：错了，怎么会？
JIMMY: I was absent, yes but I certainly didn't miss it!
吉米：我是没来上课，没错，可是我一点儿也不遗憾。
TEACHER: Peter, why are you late for school again?
老师：彼得，你为什么又迟到了？
PETER: Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went into extra time.
彼得：是这样的，老师，我梦见我正在踢球，而且比赛进入了加时赛。
SUBSTITUTE TEACHER: Are you chewing gum?
代课老师：你是不是在嚼口香糖？
BILLY: No, I;m Billy Andersen.
学生：不是，我是比利·安德生。
TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
老师：汤米，你为什么总是脏兮兮的？
TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.
汤米：那是因为比起您来，我要离地面近多了。
TEACHER: Johnny, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
老师：约翰尼，你的作文《我的狗》和你哥哥的作文一字不差。你是不是抄的他的呀？
JOHNNY: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
约翰尼：不是的，老师。只是我们写的是同一只狗！
TEACHER: Mike, name one important thing that we have today and we don't 10 years ago.
老师：迈克，说出一样我们10年前没有而现在有了的重要的东西。
MIKE: Me!!!
迈克：我啊！！
TEACHER: David, why don't you wash your face? I can see what you had for breakfast this morning.
老师：大卫，你怎么不洗脸？我都能看出你早上吃的是什么。
DAVID: What was it?
大卫：是什么？
TEACHER: Eggs.
老师：鸡蛋。
DAVID: Wrong, ma'am. That was yesterday.
大卫：错了，老师。那是昨天吃的。
