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Revision of Essay Drafts
文章草稿的修改
Good morning everyone. In today's lecture, I'm going to talk about how to revise essay drafts and give you some tips as well. The initial revision should, of course, focus on the essay as a whole.
大家早上好。在今天的讲座中，我将谈一谈如何修改文章草稿，并且也会给出一些建议。当然，最初的修改应该把重点放在文章的整体上。
You'd ask yourself: do I reach my writing objective? Does my essay directly answer the question? Is my main idea clear? In order to answer these questions, what you need to do first is to revise for content. The typical rough draft may have too little and too much content all at the same time. It will have touched the surface of some portions of the essay without providing adequate explanation or convincing detail. At the same time, it may have discussed things that do not contribute significantly to your major points.
你会问自己：我是否达到了写作目标？我的文章是否直接回答了这个问题？我的中心思想清楚吗？为了回答这些问题，你首先需要做的是修改内容。草稿中存在的典型问题是可能同时包含太少和太多的内容。它可能在一些部分泛泛而谈，没有提供充分的解释和令人信服的细节。同时，它也可能谈论了太多和主题无关的信息。
So, what is a good essay then? A good essay eliminates irrelevant material while includes all the information necessary to your main point. Your reader needs sufficient evidence to accept what you are saying. So, you have to make sure you have adequately developed and supported your main idea. Content that is unrelated to the main idea should be eliminated.
那么，一篇好的文章是什么样子的呢？一篇好的文章会省略无关的材料，同时包含所有必要的信息。你的读者需要足够的证据来接受你的言论。所以，你必须确保你已经充分展开和支持你的主要观点。与主旨无关的内容应该被删除。
Then, what is the second step in revision? That is revise for organization. A well-organized essay will group similar ideas together and put them in the proper order. If you find it easy to produce an outline from your draft, this means that there is a clear logic to the flow of the content. And you can be reasonably certain that you have a well-ordered essay; otherwise, reorder your content.
那么，修改的第二步是什么呢？那就是修改结构。一篇条理清晰的文章会把相似的观点组织在一起，并按适当的顺序排列。如果你发现从你的草稿中很容易列出大纲，这意味着你的文章内容逻辑清晰。你可以很确定你的文章布局良好，否则，就要重新布局你的文章了。
The third step you are advised to take is to revise for length. Is your essay approximately the right length? If it is substantially longer than the stated limit, you have to consider reducing the supporting material. But even if there's no stated limit, or you are allowed to write as long as you like, please adhere to a self-imposed limit.
第三步，我建议你修改文章的长度。你的文章长度合适吗？如果它比要求的长度超出很多，你需要考虑减少辅助内容。但是，即使没有明确的限制，或者你可以随意书写，也请坚持自我设限。
And unless addressing a topic that needs lengthy explanation, stick to it. The steps I have mentioned so far actually refer to revision of an essay as a whole. The next step is to revise for components of the essay including the paragraphs, sentences, and individual words. You may ask: how am I going to revise paragraphs? Well, I'd say a paragraph is not arbitrarily formed. It should revolve around an idea, a theme. Let me tell you one way to revise paragraphs: isolate a paragraph at a time, and make sure it runs smoothly and is not merely a bunch of unrelated statements put together. As for revision of sentences and words, most essay writers pile on one long sentence after another.
除非处理一个需要冗长解释的话题，否则坚持下去。到目前为止，我所提到的步骤都是指在文章整体基础上的修改。下一步是修改文章的组成部分，包括段落、句子和单个单词。你可能会问：我要怎么修改段落？好吧，我想说一个段落不是随意写成的。它应该围绕着一个想法、一个主题。让我告诉你一种修改段落的方式：一次只修改一个段落，确保它书写流畅，而不是一堆不相关的语句堆砌。对于句子和单词的修改，大多数的文章作者都是对一个接一个的长句子进行修改。
Well, I'd suggest you avoid this by breaking up some of the longer sentences to provide variety. Use short sentences to make important points, and long sentences to explain complex ideas. Also try to use a variety of sentence structures to maintain reader interest. Eliminate sentences that sound awkward when read aloud. For diction, a very important tip is to eliminate imprecise or wordy language. For example, use although instead of despite the fact that; try to add vigor to your writing by removing cliches, and use fresh and interesting descriptions. Try to write as much as possible with nouns and verbs than primarily with adjectives that slow the pace and reduce impact. Similarly, right in the active, not the passive voice.
我建议你通过分解一些长句使句式变得多样化，从而避免这种情况。用短句来强调重点，用长句来解释复杂的想法。也要尝试使用各种句子结构来保持读者的兴趣。删去大声朗读时听起来很别扭的句子。对于措辞来说，一个非常重要的建议是删除不精确或冗长的语言。例如，使用“although”而不是“despite the fact that”；尝试通过删除陈词滥调来增加写作的活力，并使用新鲜有趣的描述。尽量使用名词和动词，而不是主要用形容词来写作，这些形容词会减慢文章的推进速度，削弱文章的效果。同样地，要尽量使用主动语态，而不是被动语态。
Now let me just repeat what I have said today. Revision is important. When you revise your draft as a whole, pay attention to content, organization and length. But don't forget to revise your essay in detail. Revision of sentences and words can also make the essay more interesting to readers.
现在让我复述一下今天所讲的内容。修改很重要。当你以一个整体来修改草稿时，注意内容、结构和篇幅。但别忘了修改你文章的细节。修改句子和单词也能使文章对读者来说变得更加有趣。
