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1. 找到折衷点。
“婚姻就得互相迁就。” 亚利桑那州图桑市(Tucson)一位退休的医院院长玛琳•克里奇(Marlene Critch)说。1959年，她经人介绍认识了自己未来的丈夫比尔(Bill)。比尔带了一水壶的酒，邀她一起外出野餐，两个月后两人就结为伉俪。
-- Find the middle ground. 'It's all give and take,' says Marlene Critch, a retired hospital director in Tucson. She met her husband Bill on a blind date in 1959. He took her on a picnic with a thermos of gin and tonics; they married two months later.
一转眼，50年过去了。克里奇夫妇在西雅图养大了两个女儿，比尔患有严重的心脏病，但两人依然相互扶持，不离不弃。他们每天早上一起游泳，玛琳晚上睡不着的时候，比尔就给她念童话故事，帮她安睡。
Flash ahead 50 years. The Critches have raised two daughters in Seattle and weathered his severe heart condition. They swim together each morning, and he reads her children's books when she has trouble falling asleep at night.
他们说，妥协和让步帮助他们度过婚姻中的起起伏伏。75岁的比尔说，他做出的妥协是结婚不久后就从空军退役，因为玛琳受不了他长时间不在家的日子。（在我的逼问下，他又说了一样东西：“日本酱汤”。）
Compromise, they say, got them through the good and bad times. Mr. Critch, 75, says he compromised by quitting the Air Force early in their marriage, because it bothered her that he was away from home so much. (Press him for more concessions, and he says, 'Miso soup.')
74岁的玛琳说，她做出的妥协是同意退休后到亚利桑那州生活，因为她丈夫喜欢那里的气候。（她自己希望继续住在西雅图，离女儿们近一点。）
Ms. Critch, 74, says she made her own compromise by agreeing to retire to Arizona, where her husband preferred the climate. (She wanted to stay in Seattle to be close to their daughters.)
“如果每人都能让步75%，两个人就有150%的灵活空间。” 玛琳说道。她丈夫也表示同意：“很多男人会说这是怕老婆的表现，但我不这么看。向妻子妥协，是因为对我而言，她是这世上最重要的。”
'If each person can give 75 percent, you've got 150 percent,' says Ms. Critch. Her husband agrees. 'Many men would call that wussy,' he says. 'But I don't because I value her more than anything else in the world.'
与此相似，简•康科尔(Jan Konkel)和兰恩•康科尔(Len Konkel)已经结婚62年。他们很久以前就彼此说好，永远不为小事而争吵，这让他们在如何养育自己三个孩子等方面少了很多争吵。“除了婚姻，其他的都是小事，都可以商量着解决。”84岁的简说道。
Similarly, Jan and Len Konkel, who have been married for 62 years, long ago made a pact to never argue over anything that wasn't very important, saving their battles for things like how to raise their three children. 'Everything else is minor and can be settled in a discussion,' says Ms. Konkel, 84.
88岁的兰恩也同意妻子的说法：“我们有商有量的，我经常说‘好的、老婆’，也经常说‘不好、老婆’。”
Her husband, well, agrees. 'I say 'Yes ma'am' and 'No ma'am' a lot,' says Mr. Konkel, 88.
