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Every woman has a different approach to marriage, says Scott Haltzman, MD, a professor at Brown University and the author of several books, including The Secrets of Happily Married Men: Eight Ways to Win Your Wife's Heart Forever. Whether you're more take-charge or easygoing, bossy or nurturing, experts say that you can make a marriage work by recognizing your strengths and weaknesses. Below are the most common wife types. Which are you?
美国布朗大学教授、医学博士斯科特 霍斯曼说，每个女人婚姻形式都各不相同。他著有多部作品，其中包括《已婚男士幸福秘诀：八种方法永远赢得妻子的心》。不管你是主控类型的，还是逍遥自在型的，不管你是很专横还是很有教养，认识到自己的优缺点总是会对你的婚姻有好处的。下面介绍几种最常见的妻子类型。看看你是哪一种。
The Nurturer哺育者一样的妻子
If he has a need, you meet it. You make him chicken soup when he's sick. You tuck love notes in his bagged lunches and do the dishes most nights because he seems too tired—after all, you reason, his job is more stressful than yours and he needs some down time. "These are women who are driven by a fundamental need to maintain peace," he says. "The only problem is that when women like this crash, they crash hard."
只要他有要求，你就满足。他生病的时候你给他炖鸡汤，在他的午餐便当里塞上爱心纸条，大多数晚饭由你来做，只因为他看上去似乎很累——你有你的理由，因为你觉得毕竟他的工作比你的压力大，所以需要时间休息一会儿。他说：“这种女人总是试图维护平和的生活，唯一的问题就是，一旦这种女人崩溃，她们会崩溃的很严重。”
That's how Kathleen Buczko, 46, approached her marriage for many years. The marketing consultant from San Pedro, California, says she tried to be as nurturing as possible to her husband. Only one problem: She became burned out on being the "giver."
46岁的凯瑟琳 布奇科介绍了多年来她处理婚姻的方式。她是加利福尼亚州圣佩德罗的营销顾问，她说在她的婚姻中她对丈夫总是尽量像个哺育者一样。唯一的问题是，作为一个给与者她变得筋疲力尽。
"When my oldest was born, I tried to keep up the fa?ade," she says. "I just expected that my husband would sense my exhaustion and step in. He didn't, so about five weeks after our first son was born I was going back to work, and I cracked."
“大儿子出生后，我努力支撑。我只希望丈夫能够察觉到我的疲惫，然后帮帮我。但他没有。所以大儿子出生大约五星期后我重新回去上班时突然崩溃了。”
Les Parrott, PhD, cofounder of RealRelationships.com and author of Trading Places: The Best Move You'll Ever Make in Your Marriage, says there's nothing wrong with wives who nurture. However, just be sure you do it without sacrificing your own needs. Mild depression, self-pity and negative expressions or outbursts are all warning signs of a nurturer who is on the verge of collapse—and maybe in need of nurturing herself.
赖斯·派瑞博士是RealRelationships.com的创办人之一，著有《颠倒乾坤——婚姻中的最佳抉择》，他说做一个哺育者似的妻子并没有什么错，但是，一定要确保这样做不会牺牲掉你自己的需求。轻度抑郁症、自怜、否定表达或情感爆发都预示着培育者正处于崩溃的边缘，或许她们需要哺育一下自己。
The Mothering Wife具有母性的妻子
You make his breakfast in the morning, manage his social calendar, remind him to take his medication and lay out his clothes for work each morning (no white socks with slacks!). And why wouldn't you do these things? You love him and you want him to be well taken care of—and to eat his vegetables!
你帮他做早饭，帮他管理社交安排表，提醒他吃药，每天早上把他上班要穿的衣服找出来搭配好。为什么不这样做呢，你爱他，希望给他很好的照顾，想办法让他吃蔬菜。
If you have a tendency to mother your husband, you're not alone. According to Haltzman, lots of women do it, and men, for the most part, don't complain. "Men like being taken care of," he says. "It can give him a sense of feeling loved. It can also reduce anxiety about whether his needs are being met. You make his doctor's appointments and you put his medication out for him in the morning, so you don't have to worry about his health."
如果你对自己的丈夫有母性的倾向，那你并不孤单。距霍斯曼说，很多女性都有这种倾向，而大多数男人也乐于接受。他说：“男人喜欢被照顾的感觉。这会让他们有被爱的感觉，并且还能减轻他们因自己的需求是否能够被满足而产生的焦虑。你帮他预约医生，早上把药拿给他，这样就不用担心他的健康了。”
But, this wife style can come with some concerns. "You could be fostering a sense of dependency that your husband may end up taking for granted," he warns. "The biggest concern is that it can start to create feelings of resentment. The wife starts to feel like the husband is just another child to take care of, and the husband can start to feel like he isn't respected." And, let's face it, he adds, "No man wants to be married to his mother."
但是这种类型的妻子还要注意一些问题。他警告说：“你可能正在培养丈夫的依赖感，到最后可能他会以为这些都是理所当然的。最大的问题是他还能滋生出不满情绪。妻子会渐渐觉得丈夫就像是自己照顾的另一个孩子，而丈夫会觉得自己没有得到尊重。”而且，还得面对这一事实，他补充说：“没有哪个男人想娶个母亲。”
Linda Franklin, author and creator of TheRealCougarWoman.com, says she used to mother her husband. "I think it's pretty common for a woman to transfer that mothering instinct to her significant other," she says. "It took me a long time to understand that you can be compassionate and loving without being smothering and controlling. A mother is a mother, and a wife is a wife, and never should those roles get confused."
作家琳达 富兰克林是TheRealCougarWoman.com的创建者，她说自己总是母亲般的照顾丈夫。“我觉得女性将母性本能转移到自己的另一半身上是相当普遍的情况，我用了很长时间才明白，不用控制或者让人喘不过气来也能给与爱喝同情。母亲就是母亲，妻子就是妻子，角色不该混淆起来。”
Though this dynamic can work for some couples, Haltzman says try not to let your inner mother take over, and be on the look out for the warning signs of a troubled relationship. "When you start to feel annoyed about picking out his clothes in the morning or setting out his vitamins for him to take," he says, "it may be time to step back and rethink how you're approaching the relationship. It's better that his clothes don't match and he forgets the vitamins if it makes for a happier dynamic in the relationship."
尽管这种状态可能会对一些夫妻有好处，但霍斯曼说尽量还是不要让内心的母性取代你作为妻子的角色，并要多留意那些表示夫妻间关系出现问题的迹象。他说：“如果你已经厌倦了早上帮他把衣服拿出来放好或者拿药给他，那就是时候回头看看你们是怎么变成现在这种关系的了。如果能让你们的关系更加美好，那么即使他的衣服不配套或者他忘了吃药也没什么。”
