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Jason: No paper again this morning!
Maggie: That's five days in a row.
Jason: And more importantly that's two Dollars I'm deducting from next months bill.
Maggie: What, no interest?
Jason: Two Dollars and fourteen Cents.
Maggie: Who are you calling?
Jason: Excuse me, this isn't directed at you personally, but what the hell of two bit newspaper
are you people running down there? Five mornings in a row there's nothing in my driveway!!
Yes, I checked the bushes...yes the roof. No, we don't have a pool. No you can't put me on
hold! I want this taken care of right away! I want a rebate for two Dollars fourteen Cents. It's
interest. Hello. He put me on hold.
Maggie: It's not like we couldn't afford a pool, you know?
Jason: Oh, yes, yes, my address; fifteen Robin Hood Lane. Oh, yes, I would love to talk to the
paper boy directly. What's his number? Don't run your mind games on me, that's my number!
What's this bozo's name?
Newsagent: Michael, how's my fledgling paper boy doing, this fine pristine morning?
Mike: Hey, OK Philly. How you doing?
Philly: Oh, quite satisfactorily. But then again, carrying out the sacred mandated first
amendment is my raison d'etre.
Mike: Hey, hey, you took the words right out of my mouth.
Philly: Here you go.
Mike: Alright. Thanks.
Philly: Don't exhume just yet.
Mike: Hey, how could I? I haven't had my coffee. Wait a minute, Philly, I thought I was only
supposed to deliver two hundred papers.
Philly: Exactamundo.
Mike: Ah, but...ah...Philly, two hundred papers didn't look like this, all last week.
Philly: Sunday edition, Michael.
Mike: Really?
Philly: You think that it's merely capricious that we initiate paper carriers on Monday? Nay,
nay!
Jason: Mike.
Mike: Hey, Dad.
Jason: You got a job! You didn't tell us.
Mike: Dad, I mean, every time I tell you that I've done something responsible, you always
give me that look, and you get so excited and you say, that's my boy! I'm just trying to avoid
that.
Jason: Done! Where's my stinking paper been all week?
Mike: It's right up in my place, Dad; it's the first one that I deliver!
Jason: Yeah, well those are my papers, you owe my two Dollars.
Mike: What, no interest?
Jason: That hurts, Mike that really hurts.
Mike: Dad, I...
Jason: I know! I know! You got papers to deliver! You got a job! Ow! Go! Go! That's my boy!
Hey, where's my stinking paper?
Mike: Oh, I am exhausted! Guess how many papers I delivered today?
Carol: One.
Mike: No, two hundred! Two O O! And we're talking Sunday papers here, Carol. We're talking
huge, mountainous, heavy papers. This is the hardest fifty Bucks I've ever made! You know, I
think I was tricked. Fifty Dollars a day is fine when there's no news, but what's with these
world leaders? I mean...why do these world leaders wait until the weekend to spout off?
Carol: Mike, it might look like I'm leaving the room right now because I don't care to listen to
your self-pitying babble; but that's not the case! I'm just so moved by your sad story that I
have to go to another room and weep.
Mike: Thanks a lot, Carol.
Carol: Mike, I'm not a fool! I know what you're thinking.
Mike: You do?
Carol: Alright, first the sad story, then the mention of fifty Dollars I couldn't miss it, and then
coup de grace, your admission that you couldn't handle the job.
Mike: So, what do I think this means?
Carol: Isn't it obvious?
Mike: Err...well yeah, of course, to me! But I just wanna see how close you can come.
Carol: You want me to take over your paper round! And pay me a measly fifty dollars a day
while you keep the rest of what you're really paid. Well it won't work, deliver your own
stinking papers, all two O O of them.
Mike: Well you're nuts, Carol! Really nuts! It never occurred to me to skim off the top. But
now that it does...
Carol: When one runs a scam, Mike, one should pray on one dumber than oneself, if one can
find one.
Ben: Morning Mike.
Mike: Hey, morning Ben. Ben. Hey, hey, hey, how is one? I mean...err...how are you this
morning?
Ben: Ha?
Mike: Hey Benny, I'm not stupid, I know what you're thinking.
Ben: What?
Mike: You're thinking that with this paper round thing, they're practically giving money away!
And as I as your bro, should share the wealth.
Ben: Na, actually I was thinking of Laura-Lynn in a bikini.
Mike: And wouldn't she be impressed with a guy who's pulling down twenty five Bucks a day?
Ben: Actually she wasn't wearing a bikini.
Mike: Ben! Benny, come on, you're not listening to me; I am offering you half of my paper
route!
Ben: You have a paper route!
Mike: Yes.
Ben: And you're giving me half of it?
Mike: Yes, a mere two hundred papers, and that's twenty five Bucks a day.
Ben: Hey, this is great!
Mike: Oh oh, wait a second, Ben; Mom and Dad are never gonna let you have a job at your
age.
Ben: Well, I won't tell 'em. Oh, come on, Mike, be a pal and don't tell either.
Mike: Well, OK. But remember, you owe me.
Mike: See ya.
Ben: Twenty five Bucks a day, it aint worth it!
Gary: Hey Benny, how's it going?
Ben: It's not going anywhere until it dries out.
Gary: You're gonna be late for school.
Ben: Gary, you don't have any idea what it's like to be a paper boy, do you?
Gary: Ride a bike, throw a few papers, make big Bucks.
Ben: Ha. But you get wet.
Gary: Hey, if you don't want to do it, I'd do it. I mean what's it pay? Five Bucks? Ten Bucks?
Ben: Ten Bucks! I get...ten Bucks. OK, Gary, you can have my paper route.
Gary: Wait a minute, why are you giving up all this money?
Ben: Ah, it's kind of personal.
Gary: Really?
Ben: Medical reasons. Well from riding my bike so much, I got paper boy's crotch. Ooh... All
the money in the world isn't worth anything, if you have to walk like this. So we got a deal?
Gary: Yeah! Let's not shake on it.
Ben: Don't worry, I hear it too.
Maggie: No, no, I am not a subscriber with a complaint; just the opposite, kudos. Our paper
boy is the best paper boy we've ever had. His name is Michael Aaron Seaver. In fact, we're so
thrilled with him, we're gonna take another subscription. My name? I can't tell you.
Jason: Will you look at this newspaper. Perfectly folded, and I bet it's full of nothing but good
news.
Maggie: Ben, maybe you can learn from your brother's example and get a paper route when
you're old enough.
Ben: I gotta go.
Maggie: Oh, but you only had eight sausages.
Ben: I gotta get to school early, I got a make-up test!
Jason: See you Ben.
Maggie: Give me the sport's section. See you in ten minutes.
Jason: Hello. Yes I would like to compliment you on your new delivery boy. Michael Seaver, yes!
Oh if we had them this good in East Berlin we never would have left!
Ben: Sorry I'm late Mike.
Mike: Benny look, if you're not serious about this job, I want you to come out and tell me right
now; because the only reason I'm giving you half of my paper route is because...heck, I'll just
say it...we're family. And there are plenty of people who'd do this for half the money.
Ben: I know. I mean, I've heard.
Mike: Yeah, well! There are your papers. Remember, you're making twenty five Dollars a day,
Ben, so don't let me down.
Ben: You know me, Mike.
Mike: Yeah.
Ben: Gary, you're late!
Gary: No, I'm not. Right on time.
Ben: Oh, right, that was me.
