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TV: Channel nineteen, Long Island News...
Maggie: Five more minutes, Chrissy, then bed time.
Chrissy: Oh, great! For the first time I'm drawing inside the lines, I've got to go to bed.
Ben: Chrissy, a tip; Mom's a sucker for cute. Trust me, it never fails.
Maggie: OK, Ben, take these to your room and get started on your homework.
Ben: Godzooks, Mom! I can't move. You are one beautiful woman.
Maggie: Hustle mister.
Ben: I knew "Godzooks" was wrong.
Mike: Mom, quick, I'm late for a date and I don't have a clean shirt.
Maggie: Oh, Mike, we've been over this more times than I care to remember. You do your own
laundry.
Mike: Mom! Are you getting younger?
Maggie: Younger!
Mike: I mean all I can say is, holy moly!
Maggie: Take your Dad's shirt.
Mike: Oh, not his good one?
Maggie: Why not?
Mike: Oh, yes! Thank you, Mom.
Chrissy: Holy moly was a nice touch.
Mike: Thanks.
Chrissy: You know, you look like the kind of guy who would enjoy a good bed-time story. How
about, Mr. Mouse finds a home?
Mike: Ah...err...sorry Chrissy, but...err...Mr. Mike found a blond. Hey listen, where's Carol?
Maybe she can read you a bed-time story.
Chrissy: She's out on a date.
Mike: No, really where is she?
Chrissy: It's true.
Mike: Oh, well, finally proof that Bigfoot lives.
Chrissy: He does! Will you take me to meet him?
Mike: No, no, Chrissy, I'm kidding, it was just a joke.
Chrissy: It's not a long book, Mike. And the print's pretty big.
Mike: I'm sorry, Chrissy, but I can't keep a blond waiting.
Chrissy: Well, invite her over. Most women love Mr. Mouse.
Mike: I'm sorry Chrissy, but I can't. I gotta go. See ya.
Chrissy: Aarrgghh!! Well, I'm sorry. I've never seen a six foot mouse before. What do you
mean, come to Jersey.
Carol: Norman, I had a wonderful time tonight.
Norman: Carol, you are the first girl I've met, who doesn't mind going out in a garbage truck.
Carol: Is this a garbage truck?
Norman: Do you wanna pull the lever again?
Carol: No, it's too noisy. Would you like to come in for some coffee?
Norman: Sure. I don't want coffee.
Carol: Neither do I.
Chrissy: Hi, Carol!
Carol: Chrissy, what are you doing out here at this hour?
Chrissy: Not kissing the garbage man.
Carol: Chissy, go to bed. You are invading our privacy.
Chrissy: Then go kiss someone else, where we're not having a picnic.
Carol: We! Who's having a picnic?
Chrissy: Me and my friend! What's your name? Ike.
Carol: Who is Ike? Where is this kid?
Chrissy: Watch it! You almost stepped on his tail.
Carol: Tail!
Chrissy: Yeah, Ike's a mouse!
Norman: Little babe's bonkers.
Chrissy: One more crack like that, he'll bite you on the neck!
Carol: Norman, just ignore her. She's just a little...beer! What's beer doing out here?
Chrissy: Relax, it's just for Ike. It makes the cheese go down smoother.
Carol: Chrissy, I don't wanna hear any more nonsense about this invisible mouse.
Chrissy: You don't see him?
Carol: No.
Chrissy: He's staring at you. Boy, is he staring at you.
Norman: You know, Carol, maybe we should call it a night.
Carol: Will I see you again?
Norman: Tuesdays and Thursdays! Be on the curb!
Chrissy: Mike says not to worry. He says he's like to take a babe out like you some time.
Carol: Mom, Dad, wake up!
Maggie: What?
Carol: Chrissy, is on the driveway letting an imaginary mouse have a beer. Goodnight.
Maggie: What?
Jason: Carol, come back. Say what you said again.
Carol: Chrissy was outside letting an imaginary mouse have a beer.
Jason: That's what I thought you said.
Carol: Don't worry, I poured the beer out and put Chrissy to bed.
Maggie: So you handled it?
Carol: Yes. And you're welcome.
Jason: Carol, if you handled it, why are you waking us up?
Carol: Well, she ruined my date, so I wanted to ruin your evening.
Maggie: Oh!
Jason: That's another thing, by the way, about this date; don't we usually get to meet the guy
first?
Carol: Well, you have. Every Tuesday and Thursday on the curb.
Jason: Are you dating our garbage man?
Maggie: Jason, Norman isn't just a garbage man. He's a professional body-builder who likes
poetry, quiet walks, women who listen and shellfish.
Jason: What goes on around here while I'm at work?
Carol: Dad, forget my date. Your younger daughter is hallucinating.
Maggie: Oh, Carol, what are you talking about?
Jason: Don't you think "hallucinate" is a bit strong?
Carol: I don't think so. After her mouse drove Norman away...he was checking me out.
Jason: Who's imagination are we dealing with here? Ha ha. Bud Collier.
Maggie: Excuse me.
Jason: That was my imaginary friend. Bud Collier. Remember, big game show host...oh all the
big shows of the fifties. He used to do "Tell the Truth", "Beat the clock".
Maggie: Jason, I know who he was.
Jason: Yeah, when I was Chrissy's age, I'd pretend he'd come over to visit. He used to guess
my occupation. Got it right every time.
Maggie: Good night, sweetheart.
Jason: Well.
Maggie: Well, what?
Jason: Well, who was your imaginary friend?
Maggie: Jason, it's late.
Jason: Oh, come on, Maggie. We've been married all these years, you've never told me who
your imaginary friend is. And I know every thing about you, including that mole on your inner
right thigh.
Maggie: Ah! I don't have a mole on my inner right thigh.
Jason: Oh, OK.
Maggie: Jason.
Jason: Just kidding, Maggie. Come on! It's not anything to be ashamed of having an imaginary
friend. Studies show that almost all creative people have had one.
Maggie: Well, I didn't.
Jason: Maybe, "friend" is too strong a word. Maybe, imaginary person that you talked to.
Maggie: No.
Jason: No? A plant.
Maggie: No.
Jason: Maybe an animal.
Maggie: Oh!
Jason: Have you ever had an ant farm, Maggie?
Maggie: Jason! Just save it. I fail to see how talking to a game show host, makes one creative.
Jason: Oh, well, come under the covers and I'll show you what you've won! Where are you
going?
Maggie: I prefer to see what's behind door number two.
Jason: Hey, Bud, where were we when we saw that mole?
Maggie: Well, somebody ate all the cheese.
Chrissy: No, after you.
Jason: Hi sweetheart, how are you doing this morning?
Chrissy: I'm great.
Maggie: What would you like for breakfast, Chrissy?
Chrissy: Oatmeal, eggs, toast, pancakes, waffles, bread...
Jason: Wow, wow, wow. Is that Chrissy or Ben?
Chrissy: He thinks, it's all for me.
Maggie: Sweetheart, who are you talking to?
Chrissy: (Screams)
Maggie: What?
Chrissy: You almost smooshed him!
Maggie: I almost smooshed who?
Chrissy: Sorry about that Ike. She always sits there.
Jason: Oh, I get it. This is Ike. Hey, Ike, how you doing? Maggie, say hello to Ike.
Maggie: Oh, how do you do, Ike? I'm not very comfortable with this.
Chrissy: Ike says, holy moly, you look so young!
Maggie: Oh, well, a woman never gets tired of hearing that from a rodent. Oh, thank you. Do
you like my blouse? I think it brings out the highlights in my hair. Thank you. You are a very
nice mouse.
Chrissy: Mom, he went to the bathroom.
Maggie: Oh, the bathroom.
Jason: Did you flush the toilet?
Carol: Yes, stop asking me that.
Chrissy: Carol, this is Ike's chair.
Carol: Ike.
Maggie: He's here for breakfast.
Chrissy: Not now he isn't. He's in the bathroom.
Carol: While I was in there!
Maggie: Carol!
Chrissy: Ike and I are going outside to play.
Maggie: OK, honey, I'll call you when your break...I'll call you and Ike when your breakfast is
ready.
Chrissy: OK. Come on Ike.
Carol: Are you really gonna cook him breakfast?
Jason: Of course not. He's imaginary.
Carol: Well, I just didn't know how far you'd go to humour the little nut bar.
Ben: Did you know your daughter's in the driveway talking to herself?
Carol: No, she's talking to her imaginary friend.
Ben: Imaginary friend!
Jason: Yeah. Like you and Pirate Sam.
Ben: Pirated Sam wasn't real?
Jason: He was to you, and then you outgrew him, Ben.
Ben: He told me he had to ship out. I gotta go lie down.
Maggie: Jason, Chrissy is doing an awful lot of talking out there.
Jason: OK Bud, what are we gonna do about the wife?
Maggie: OK, OK, I know I've got nothing to worry about.
Carol: Well if anybody needs me, I'll be sitting on the curb with the trash.
Jason: Come on, Maggie! Chrissy knows the difference between real and pretend. If she didn't
then we'd have to worry.
Chrissy: Do we have any imported beer?
Maggie: For Ike?
Chrissy: Yeah!
Maggie: Forget it.
Chrissy: Sorry, Ike, they said something healthy was better for you.
Ike: They're worried about my health, yet they're setting traps all over the house. I don't get
it. Salut.
Jason: Well, I'm off.
Maggie: OK, honey, have a good day. Go forth and cure.
Jason: Are you alright?
Maggie: It was a joke.
Jason: I was referring to Chrissy and...you know, Ike.
Maggie: Oh, honey, you're reminding me. We've been through all this before. There's
absolutely nothing to worry about.
Jason: Bye bye honey, have a nice day.
Ike: I will dear.
Maggie: Chrissy, time for school.
Ike: Oh no, you're leaving me!
Chrissy: Mom, Ike's not gonna have anyone to play with.
Maggie: He won't. Well...maybe Ike would like to come with you.
Chrissy: Ike, do you wanna go to school with me?
Ike: Oh, yes!
Chrissy: He'd love to go.
Maggie: Wonderful. See, I can handle this. My other children turned out perfectly normal.
Carol: You just take my trash and leave! I feel so used.
Ike: Ah, wow, nice neighbourhood.
Chrissy: We like it.
Maggie: We like what, honey?
Chrissy: The neighbourhood.
Ike: What, is she deaf?
Chrissy: Sometimes.
Maggie: Sometimes, what?
Ike: Tell her to forget it.
Chrissy: Forget it, Mom.
Maggie: OK.
Chrissy: Wanna sing a song, Ike?
Ike: Yeah, you bet.
Chrissy: What's a good song?
Maggie: How about...Hickory, Dickory, Dock?
Ike: Look, I refuse to sing a song about a weenie little mouse who's afraid of a little tick-tock.
Next.
