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Well, this is super awkward.
这真是尴尬到爆。
Stupid Kardashians!
卡戴珊一家全是白痴！
Kim, Kankels, Krank, and the little ones, kegel and kickball, You can kiss my keister.
金，金胖脚踝，金坏脾气，还有那两个小的金缩阴术和金踢蛋蛋，快来亲老娘的金屁股吧。
Max, stop it! I'm trying to sleep.
麦克斯，别闹了，我想睡觉呢。
Well, sorry, but I'm pissed and it's 11:30 anyway. What's going on?
抱歉，但我很生气，现在都早上11点半了。你还躺在床上干嘛呢？
Even one tweet from Kim would have exposed us to 22 million followers. Scientology doesn't even have those numbers. They screwed us. - I know.
即使金·卡戴珊只发一条推特也会有2200万名粉丝知道我们。就连科学神教都没这么多脑残粉呢。咱们成不了名都怪她们。-我知道。
That is why I'm making hate cupcakes for the Kardashians, see?
所以我今天为卡戴珊家族做了仇恨小蛋糕，瞧？
"Eat it," "Bite me," And these three..."Get" "A" "Job."
"吃屎吧"，"咬我啊"，还有组合装哦，"找" "份" "工"。
Oh, and one for the mom that says, "I still love you," Just in case.
还为妈妈特意准备了一个，"我还爱你哦"，以防万一嘛。
Now come on, get up. Your son needs to go out and take an 8-foot crap.
快给我起床。你儿子要出去拉一坨8英尺长的屎。
No, I'm done. If everyone's done with cupcakes, so am I.
不要，我受够了。如果说人人都不喜欢小蛋糕了，那我也是。
I'm done pretending that everything's gonna work out. In our reality show, it's not.
我受够了假装一切都会如愿以偿。在我们这出真人秀里，事与愿违。
Look, get up, or I will close this bed with you in it, and your new reality show will be true life: I live in a wall.
快起床，不然我就把你跟床一起合上，你的新真人秀就是你的真实生活：《夹缝求生》。
I'm not getting up. Ever.
我不要起床，打死都不起。
Max, stop, stop it! Stop it!
麦克斯，住手，求你了！
Put me down! Put me down!
把我放下来！快放我下来！
What's happening?
怎么了？
I can't lift my head. Did I have a stroke?
我的头抬不起来了。我是不是中风了？
Calm down. No one has stroked in your bed since--what is it, going on a year?
冷静，你床上这张床上没男人都多久了？有一年了吧？
Max. My hair is caught. My hair is caught! My hair is caught!
麦克斯，我的头发卡住了。我的头发卡住了！我的头发卡住了！
Who are you yelling at?
你在对谁大吼大叫呢？
The whole situation! Do something!
整个状况！快帮忙啊！
Let me look. Oh yeah, it's all caught up in the bed gears here.
我看看。没错，头发全都被床的齿轮卡住了。
Oh my God, I have a bed with gears and my hair is caught in it!
天啊，我的床居然有齿轮，现在还把我的头发卡住了！
