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I was reading about this jellyfish that never dies.
有一种永生不死的水母
Instead, it reverts to its asexual state and then grows up again.
它会从性成熟回复到幼虫无性阶段然后重新变性成熟
We thought my 90yearold grandfather had reverted to an asexual state,
我家以为我们90岁的姥爷也转回了无性状态
but the lawsuit from his Jamaican caregiver proved us all wrong.
直到他的牙买加裔看护员告上法庭证明了我们都错了
My point is, immortality is not only a possibility, it is real.
我想说的是， 永生不再是空想能成为现实了
Only if you're this jellyfish which periodically reverts to a mass of undifferentiated protoplasm.
除非你是个水母然后周期性地回复到一大团未分化的原生质
If I could keep my Gmail account, I'd be okay with that.Hello, fellas.
只要还能保留我的谷歌邮箱号我无所谓啊早安啊， 同志们
Remember when we were trying to figure out what that smell
还记得我们之前在寻思塔伯曼教授
coming from Professor Tupperman's office was?
办公室飘出来的是什么味道吗
Yeah? Turns out it was Tupperman.
然后呢， 原来就是塔伯曼的味儿
Dead at his desk for two weeks.
死在办公桌上都两周了
Oh, my God. That's terrible.
天啊， 太惨了
In lieu of flowers, the department chair is asking that everyone donate a bottle of Febreze.
系主任要求大家不要送花改送除臭剂过去会更好哦
If we're going to change the topic from jellyfish,I'd be okay with brine shrimp or the history of the unicycle.
如果要换掉刚才的水母话题我可以接受改聊丰年虾或者独轮脚踏车的历史
Show a little compassion a man died.
有点同情心好吗， 人家尸骨未寒呢
And turned into a puddle of goo.
其实已经化成了一滩尸泥了
Now, we can either sit around and cry over spilt professor, or...
我们大可以在这缅怀烂成尸泥的教授
we can rejoice in the knowledge that a tenured position has just opened up.
也可以一同为一个空出来的终身教职庆祝一下
I choose to do the latter.
我会选择后者
Excuse me, the whole tenure system is ridiculous.
拜托， 终身教职制度本来就十分荒谬
A guaranteed job for life only encourages the faculty to become complacent.
一个终身有保障的工作只会让那些人变得过于自满，怠惰
If we really want science to advance,people should have chips implanted in their skulls
如果真想要科学进步人们应该在脑子里植入杀人晶片
that explode when they say something stupid.
只要一说蠢话， 就炸烂他们的脑袋
Well, I believe people do their best work when they feel safe and secure.
我认为人们只有在自己有保障的情况下才能做到最好
If you need my nose, you'll find it firmly lodged up the rectum of the tenure committee.
要找我的话， 只需到教职选举委员会的马屁处寻我即可
You Ph.D's gonna go suck up like Kripke? No.
你们几个博士都要去当马屁精吗?才不会
I mean, I'll apply,but I'm not gonna stoop to playing politics.
我会去申请啦但是我才不去耍手段， 搞阴谋
Yeah, me neither.It should be about the work.
我也不会.重点应该是在工作成果上
And if I can't get tenure,I'd like to see you or Sheldon get it.
而且如果我选不上我也希望是你或谢尔顿能选上
Raj, don't dangle false hope in front of Leonard like that.
拉杰， 别在莱纳德面前乱说一些给他希望的话
Excuse me, but I think I'm just as qualified as you are.
抱歉我跟你完全一样有资格有希望， 好吗
So "tenured" means a job for life? Yup.
"终身教职"就是终身有保障的工作吗， 没错
And you can't get fired even if you're bad at it? Mm, not really.
就算你做的超烂他们也不会炒你吗?不太可能
Wow, sounds a lot like being a pretty waitress at the Cheesecake Factory.
听起来就跟起司工厂店里的正妹女服务员一样
While I disagree with the premise of tenure, if they gave it to me,it wouldn't diminish my output.
虽然我不太认同终身教职制度但如果他们给我这职位我也会继续对科学界做贡献
You know, I'm like the sun.Can't turn this off.
我就跟太阳一样.发光发热，停不下来。
Are Rajesh and Leonard competing for it as well?
拉杰什与莱纳德也报名参选了吗
Do they know they don't stand a chance 'cause you're so great? Well put.
那他们知道自己一点机会都没有因为你超厉害吗？说得好
You know, I must say I go back and forth on this boyfriendgirlfriend thing,
不得不说， 虽然我总在纠结我们是男女朋友这件事
but those moments when you worship me really keep you in the running.
但你崇拜我敬仰我的那些时刻真的替你加分了超多
It would be nice to have the increased income.
终身教职的薪水会更高
Stop taking money from my parents.
这样就可以不用管爸妈要钱了
Money from family does come with strings attached.You have no idea.
花家里的钱总是会被父母管着，何止啊
They buy me a new BMW for my birthday but can I get seat warmers? No.
他们买了辆新宝马给我当生日礼物但我能买座椅加热器吗？不行
"Rajesh, if you want a warm butt,you're gonna have to pay for it yourself."
"拉杰什， 如果你想要屁屁热热你就得自己掏钱买"
Well, maybe I will, old man!
逼急了我就真去买， 死老头
I think that's enough wine for now.
我觉得酒喝得差不多了
I just keep thinking about how cool it would be if I called my mom and told her that I got tenure at Caltech.
我一直忍不住在脑海里幻想打给我妈告诉她我在加州理工得到终身教职的画面
She'd be proud, huh? Oh, very.
她会为你骄傲吧？绝对会非常骄傲
Assuming she takes my call.
假如她接我电话的话
My primary concern with being granted tenure is living with an insanely jealous roommate after the fact.
我最大担心的是， 在拿到终身教职后还得跟超嫉妒我的室友同住一个屋檐下
I might need to sleep with a gun under my pillow.Or a chainsaw.
我可能睡觉都得放把枪在我枕头下或放把电锯
Or you take advantage of your newfound economic stability and move out...buy a house...get married...start a family.
也可以利用终身教职的高薪收入搬离这里买个房子结个小婚组织个小家庭
Yeah, or...the chainsaw.
或者是放把电锯就行
And I will return to New Delhi in triumph atop a bejeweled white elephant!
我会光荣凯旋回归新德里骑着宝石装饰的白象登场
And you know what will be on that elephant's back?
而且你们知道大象的背上会有什么吗
A seat warmer."No, Father, you may not have a ride!"
座椅加热器。不好意思， 父亲， 就不载你
I'm gonna make some coffee.
我去煮点咖啡
So, who do you have to schmooze to get this deal?
你得拍谁的马屁， 才能得到这份工作
I'm not gonna schmooze anybody.
我不会拍任何人的马屁
I'm gonna let my work speak for itself. That's great.
我的工作成果足以说明一切。那很棒
That shows a lot of integrity.Thank you.
这说明你很正直。谢谢
I'm a naive idiot, right?
我就是一个天真的傻子， 对吗
Oh, good, you heard me.
很好， 你懂我什么意思
You know, if you really want tenure,maybe you should cozy up to the people making the decision.
如果你很想获得这份终身教职或许你该去奉承那些有决定权的人
Sheldon Cooper does not do "cozy."You don't say.
谢尔顿?库珀才不搞"奉承"是啊是啊
But I suppose it wouldn't hurt to know who's on the committee.
但了解谁在委员会对我也没什么害处
Let's see...Oh, Janine Davis.Oh, dear.Is that a problem? Yeah, even you.
我看看珍妮?戴维斯天啊，有问题吗？你也一样
You're a slave. I'm a what? I'm not sure; it could go either way.
你是个奴隶我是什么来着我不确定， 有两种可能
Hey. Mrs. Davis.Dr. Hofstadter.
你好， 戴维斯夫人霍夫斯塔德博士
Just thought I'd come down and start getting ready for swimsuit season.
我只是想下来为穿泳装而锻炼身材
Good for you.Not that you need it.I bet you look great in a swimsuit. Thank you.
那很好啊。你显然不需要。我猜你穿泳装一定很迷人，谢谢
I've got what my father used to call "furniture disease."
我得了一种病， 我爸称其为"家具疾病"
My chest is falling into my drawers.
我的胸部都下垂得要掉进我的抽屉里了
I'm not, uh, familiar with this model.
我不是很熟悉这个机器
How do I make it start?
我要怎么开始
You push start.Right.
按"开始"。好的
This one might be broken.
这台可能坏了
You have to move. Got it. There.Oh, yeah!
你得动起来， 懂了，好了，太棒了
Yeah, now I'm feeling it. Oh, this is great.
我感觉到我在运动了，这真是来劲儿啊
I could do this for the rest of my life.
我愿意一辈子都做这个
Hey, speaking... speaking of things you do for the rest of your life...
说到，一辈子都可以做的事情
uh, did I read that you're on thatthat tenure committee? Yep.
听说你在终身教职选举委员会， 是吗？是的
I got to get a home gym.
我得弄个家庭健身房了
Well, I'm sure you have a lot of good applicants, I just wanted to say hi and..
我知道有很多优秀的申请者， 我只是想来跟你打声招呼
let you know that I'll be... throwing my hat in the......ring.
告诉你我会参加这次...竞选
All right, I'll keep an eye out for that. Yeah.Hey, Hofstadter.
好的， 我会留意你的， 好，霍夫斯塔德
Funny seeing you here for the first time in...ever.Go... away.
真有意思， 这么久我还是第一次在这里见到你，走开啦
Janine the Machine, let's do this!Hey, Barry.Well, look at that.
珍妮， 我们一起锻炼吧！巴里快瞧瞧
Burned a whole calorie.
我消耗了整整一卡路里
I guess you got here early to burn off that banana bread I baked you.
你早早来这里锻炼是想消耗掉那个我给你做的香焦面包的热量吧
Yeah, it was delicious. Thank you. No, my pleasure.
对啊， 真的很好吃， 谢谢。不客气， 我很乐意
Oh, if you... if you like banana bread...I've got aa great recipe.
如果你喜欢香蕉面包我有个很棒的做法
The trick is in... in fresh ground...I'll email it to you.
秘诀在...我发电邮告诉你好了
All right, I'm warm.Ready to kick it up a notch? Let's go.
好了， 我热好身了，准备好加快速度吗？开始吧
That's enough cardio for me.
我的有氧运动做够了
I'm just... gonna stretch out before I hit the weights.You okay?
在我去练举重前我先拉拉筋。你没事吧
Call someone!Good day, Mrs. Davis.
快叫人来！早上好， 戴维斯夫人
This is Dr. Rajesh Koothrappali from the astrophysics department.
我是拉杰什?库萨帕里博士来自天体物理学部门
Don't be alarmed, I'm not really in space.
别紧张，我不是真的在外太空
Anyhoo...I'd like to take this opportunity to tell you about myself,
总之我想借此机会向您介绍下我自己
so sit back, relax and enjoy the following 90minute video.Oh, come on.
所以坐好， 放松， 好好看接来下这90分钟的影片。不是吧
Born in New Delhi,the third son of an itinerant gynecologist,
我出生于新德里是一名妇科医生的第三个儿子
I showed early signs of genius.
我自幼聪颖， 有"神童"之称
At the age of five, I discovered a celestial object which later turned out to be the moon.
在五岁的时候， 我发现一个天体后来发现原来是"月亮"
Mrs. Davis? Mrs. Davis? Mrs. Davis?
戴维斯夫人，？ 戴维斯夫人？戴维斯夫人？
God, they're everywhere. Come in.Dr. Cooper, how can I help you?
天啊， 他们真是无所不在，进来吧，库珀博士， 你有何事
