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This is nice, that we all get to eat together. Absolutely.
咱们一起吃饭真好。是啊
Can we maybe put the phones down and have an actual human conversation?
大家能把手机放下，像人类一样好好聊天吗?
We can, but thanks to Steve Jobs, we don't have to.
可以呀，但是感谢史蒂夫·乔布斯，我们不用这么麻烦了
Guys, guys, you're never gonna believe this.
小伙伴们，你们一定不会相信的
What happened? -I just got a part on a TV show!
怎么了? 我刚得到了一个电视剧的角色!
What? That's great! Congratulations!
什么?太棒了!恭喜!
Guys! Oh, yeah! Yay, Penny!
注意听啊!噢，太棒了!佩妮，太棒了!
What's the show?
什么电视剧?
Um, NC...II...or, you know, NCSTD... I don't know, it's the one with all the letters and I'm gonna be on it!
额，叫什么NC...II...还是NCSTD...我也搞不清楚，名字全是字母的那个，我要上镜了啊!
That's amazing. Yeah. What's your part?
太棒了。你演什么?
Um, I play a customer in a diner and I flirt with Mark Harmon.
我演餐厅里的一个顾客，我还要和马克·哈蒙(该剧男主)调个情
Ooh, Mark Harmon, he's a dreamboat.
唔，马克·哈蒙哎，他可是位男神
So i-it's just flirting?
所以...只是调调情?
Well, yeah. Why? Uh, no reason.
是呀，怎么了?没什么
I just think it's sexier when things are left to the imagination.
我只是觉得给观众留点想象空间更显性感
He's wrong.
才不是!
So I-I read a study that says a man with a dog
我看到一份研究说养狗的男人
is three times more likely to get a woman's phone number.
要到女人电话号码的概率比不养狗的男人高三倍
Is it true even when the man lets his dog lick peanut butter off his tongue?
让狗把舌头上的花生酱舔掉的男人也算吗?
I don't see why not.
怎么就不算呢
If you're really desperate to meet women and like having food eaten out of your mouth, I could set you up with my mom.
你如果真的极度渴望遇到女人而且喜欢嘴对嘴喂食，我可以把我老妈介绍给你
Why is that funny?
这有什么好笑的?
That's just unhygienic.
很不卫生啊
It's a joke.
只是开玩笑而已
I don't think so.
我不这么认为
I believe that a joke is a brief oral narrative with a climactic humorous twist.
我觉得玩笑应该是一段以幽默转折作为高潮的口头叙述
For example, uh, Wolowitz's mother is so fat that she decided to go on a diet... or exercise, or both.
例如，沃罗威茨的妈妈太胖了，所以她决定节食，或者锻炼，或者两者同时进行
See? The twist is that people don't usually change.
明白了吧?转折就是人们一般都死性不改
Well, they don't.
反正是不改的
Hey, guys, don't forget, my episode's on TV tomorrow night.
小伙伴们，别忘了我演的那集今晚就播了哟
We'll be there. -Can we bring anything?
我们会看的， 要带点吃的吗?
Oh, that's so sweet of you,
你太贴心了
but I was gonna steal food from here.
不过我本来要从店里偷点吃的回去
You know... my treat.
就是...我请客
Wait, if Howard's mother is coming, then you should also steal marbles.
等等，如果霍华德妈妈也来，你还应该偷些弹珠
Because she's obese, and hippos are obese, and in the popular board game "Hungry Hungry Hippos," they eat marbles.
因为她很胖，河马也很胖，在流行桌游"河马饿饿"里面，河马吃的是弹珠
Maybe I need to dumb these down for you.
看来我得简化一下你们才能听懂
Leonard, do you think I'm funny? No. Do you?
莱纳德，你觉得我搞笑吗?不搞笑。你觉得自己搞笑吗?
I think I'm hysterical.
我觉得我超搞笑的
I take it back.
我收回
That was funny.
你刚刚说的这句挺搞笑
The philosopher Henri Bergson says it's funny when a human being behaves like an object.
哲学家亨利·柏格森曾经曰过，当一个人的行为像一个物体的时候会很有趣
I bet that bit killed at The Chuckle Hut.
这个在搞笑俱乐部会把人逗死的
Oh, he didn't perform stand-up comedy, he was a philosopher.
他不是表演单口相声的，他是个哲学家
You know, I think we're zeroing in on your problem.
我觉得我们快找到你的问题在哪儿了
Perhaps I'll spend some time developing a unified theory of comedy, which will allow me to elicit laughter from anyone at any time.
也许我该花些时间研究出一个统一的喜剧理论，让我能随时随地使人发笑
Unless they're German, 'cause that's a tough crowd.
除非是德国人，这群人比较难办
Are you set on people laughing with you?
你一定要大家跟你一起笑吗?
'Cause if you're cool with at you... I don't get it.
因为你如果不介意是笑话你的话...我没懂
Raj, when you said you were gonna bring a date to watch Penny's thing tonight, I didn't think you meant Stuart. Really?
拉杰，你说你今晚会带个伴儿来看佩妮演的电视剧，我没想到竟然是斯图尔特。真的?
I never for a second thought it'd be anything else.
我从没想过会是其他人
I almost met someone last night, but I blew it.
我昨晚差点就搞到个妹子，可我却搞砸了
I was walking Cinnamon and this girl introduced herself,
我在陪小肉桂散步，有个妹子来跟我搭讪
but she was so cute I panicked and said, "Wouldn't it be easier if instead of talking we could just sniff each other's butts?"
可是她太漂亮了，我就慌了，还对她说"咱们学狗狗互闻屁屁会不会比说话还简单点?"
Well, Stuart's cute in his own way.
斯图尔特也有他可爱之处
When I was a baby, my mother called me her little possum.
我还是个婴儿的时候，我妈管我叫她的小负鼠
Are possums cute?
负鼠可爱吗?
Not at all.
一点都不可爱
If you're so intimidated by talking to attractive girls, maybe you should practice by talking to regular people.
如果你这么害怕跟漂亮妹子讲话，也许你该从和一般人练习说话开始
You mean like fatties and uggos?
你是指那些死肥和丑逼吗?
Or maybe just stop talking.
或者还是不要讲话了
I'm serious.
我是认真的
Go to the mall, talk to anybody, practice-- that way, when you eventually do talk to a cute girl, it won't be so scary.
去大商场，跟任何人讲话，熟能生巧嘛，这样的话，当你终于能和漂亮妹子说话的时候，你就不会这么恐惧了
Or just keep dating the possum.
或者还是继续和小负鼠约会
Parsa doesn't have those kind of resources.
伯尔萨没有那些资源
No, and that's why he had Erin Pace rewire it...
他的确没有，所以他让艾琳·佩斯来重装电线
I'm so proud of you.
真为你感到骄傲
We haven't even gotten to my scene yet.
还没到我演的那部分呢
I know, but you're going to be a TV star and you haven't left me yet. That takes guts.
我知道，但是你就要成大明星了而且还没有跟我分手，这真的很需要勇气
I don't know about you, but I'm very uncomfortable with all this.
我不知道你怎么想的，但我看这个电视剧真的非常不舒服
Why? I've never seen this show before and now I'm starting with episode 246? It's unnatural.
为啥? 我以前都没看过这个剧现在却从246集开始看。太违背自然规律了
Just think of the first 245 as the prequel. All right.
你就把前245集当成前传。好吧
Okay, shh. Guys, guys, this is it.
静一静，我要出场了
I guess it's you and me, kid.
看来只有你和我了
What are you doing?
你这是在干吗?
I'm trying to make peace.
我想跟你和解
We're good. Good.
咱们握手言和?是的
Are you kidding me?
搞什么呀?
What's wrong?
怎么了?
Well... the diner scene.
餐厅那场戏
Where's my diner scene?
我的餐厅戏份呢?
Well, don't ask me.
别问我呀
Until I see the prequel, I'm lost.
除非看了前传，我是搞不清剧情的
No, there was supposed to be a big scene with me and Mark Harmon,
应该有一场我和马克·哈蒙的大戏才对
but i-it's... gone.
可是...没了
What happened?
怎么回事?
They must've cut it.
他们肯定把它剪掉了
Oh, Penny... I'm... I'm sorry.
天哪，佩妮...真抱歉
That stinks. I'm sure you were great.
太不幸了，你肯定演得很好
This doesn't make any sense.
这讲不通啊
I thought I did a... a really good job, I... Excuse me.
我觉得我... 我演得挺好的呀...失陪
I've been studying how to make people laugh.
我最近在研究如何使人发笑
They say that comedy is tragedy plus time.
有人说，悲剧经过时间的沉淀就成了喜剧
Let's tickle some ribs.
现在就去逗逗她
No, Dad, I don't think they cut me out of the show because I was too pretty.
不是的，爸爸，我不觉得他们是因为我太漂亮才把我的戏份删掉的
No, I don't need you to come out and kick Mark Harmon's ass.
不，我不用你出马来揍马克·哈蒙一顿
Daddy, I gotta go.
爸爸，我要挂电话了
I love you. Bye.
我爱你，拜拜
How you doing?
你怎么样了?
Ugh, this is such a disaster.
简直是场灾难
My parents had all my relatives over.
我爹妈把所有亲戚都叫到家里
They got one of those six-foot sandwiches,
他们还买了那种六英尺的巨型三明治
and got my brother a day pass out of rehab and... now he's missing and the sandwich is missing, and... They're probably in Mexico by now.
还让我哥跟戒毒所请了一天假，现在他不见了，三明治也不见了，他们现在差不多应该在墨西哥了
So humiliating.
太丢人了
You still got the part.
可你还是拿到那个角色了呀
That's a huge accomplishment.
这就是很大的成就了
Yeah, but this was supposed to be my break, okay?
可这本该是我出名的机会呀
People were gonna see me in this show and it was gonna lead to bigger things.
人们会在电视剧里看到我，接着会有更大的突破
More auditions, more parts... Now none of that's gonna happen.
更多的试镜机会，更多的角色，现在什么也没有了
Honey, you only had, like, three lines.
宝贝儿，你就三句台词而已
That wasn't gonna happen anyway.
反正也不会发生什么的
Unbelievable. Come on... no, that's not what I meant.
受不了了!拜托，我不是那个意思
Then what did you mean?
那你什么意思?
Look, you know, words don't always have to mean things.
有些话不一定要有什么意思
I think you meant that you don't believe in me.
我觉得你是不相信我的意思
Nope. Uh-uh... I might not know what I-I meant, but I know that I didn't mean that.
不是，我可能不知道我是什么意思，可我知道我肯定没那个意思
Not this guy. Oh, no way.
不是这个...不可能是的
I want you, right now, to give me your 100% honest opinion. Right.
我要你现在给我百分百诚实的想法，好
Do you think I have what it takes to really make it as an actress?
你觉不觉得我有能力成为一个好演员?
Yes. So you think I'll be on TV and in movies and win awards.
是的，所以你觉得我会演电视，演电影，还拿奖?
Honestly? Yes, honestly. I don't.
说实话吗? 是的，实话。我不觉得
How could you say that?
你怎么能那样说?
I don't know... I got all confused when you said "honestly".
我不知道啊...你一说"说实话"我就乱了
Look, do I think that you are talented and that you are beautiful?
你要是问我觉不觉得你既有才华又漂亮?
Of course I do. But isn't Los Angeles full of actresses who are just as talented, just as beautiful?
我当然觉得。但洛杉矶是不是遍地都是和你一样既有才华又漂亮的女演员呢?
All right, look... we'll come back to that.
好吧...我们待会儿再说这个
No, please. Don't stop, go on.
不，你别停，继续啊
Tell me how I'm gonna be a waitress for the rest of my life.
说我这一辈子就只能当个服务员
That is not what I said.
我可没这么说
Look, I think you're really good. I truly do.
我觉得你真的很棒。我真这么想
But this is an incredibly hard thing that you're shooting for.
但是你追求的是极其艰难的事
I mean, the odds of anyone becoming a successful actor are like a million to one. Wow, thank you.
任何人变成一名成功演员的几率几乎是百万挑一。哇，谢谢你的冷水
Should've let Sheldon come.
还不如让谢尔顿安慰呢
This is interesting.
真有趣
Apparently, a key component in some forms of humor is the element of surprise.
显然，有些幽默的关键要素在于出其不意
Well, that makes sense.
有些道理
The prefrontal cortex is responsible for planning and anticipation, and patients with brain lesions on their... Brain lesions!
前额叶皮层负责了人体的计划和预期，该区域发生脑损伤的患者...脑损伤!
Sheldon, you scared me.
谢尔顿，你吓死我了
That wasn't funny.
一点都不好笑
Or maybe you have a stick up your prefrontal cortex.
也有可能你的前额叶皮层少根筋
Okay, the notion that you can read a few books and come up with a definitive theory of comedy is absurd.
你以为你看几本书，就能提出个幽默的绝对理论，这种想法纯属胡扯
I mean, humor is a complex neurological... Okay, that's pretty good.
幽默是复杂的神经学...好吧，这个很好笑，成功
How about her? No!
她怎么样?不行!
No pretty girls!
美女不行!
The point is to talk to regular people and work our way up to pretty girls.
重点是要搭讪普通人，借此逐步接近美女
Fine. How about that old lady with the walker?
行吧。那个拄着拐杖的老奶奶怎么样?
That depends.
得看情况
On any level, do you think she's hot?
你觉得她在任何方面有没有很辣的地方?
We'll find somebody else.
还是换一个吧
