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Okay. They told Mary they were living together,there was a fight, he got his feelings hurt,then he put underwear on his head...
好吧，他们把同居的事情告诉了玛丽然后就吵了一架，他伤心了然后他就把内裤穿在了头上...
On purpose,not the way it used to happen in high school.
故意穿在头上不是以前高中会有的那样
I was acting odd intentionally.
我是故意表现奇怪的
Really? So you can control it?
真的吗?所以你能收放自如咯?
Okay. Then what happened?
好吧，然后呢?
Well, there's really not much left to tell.
然后也就没什么好说的了
I decided that my mother views me as a child because I never went through a rebellious phase,
我感觉我妈还把我当个孩子来看因为我从来没有过逆反期
so, I got an earring.
所以，我就去打了耳环
My mother made me take it out.
我妈逼我把它拿掉了
Amy put alcohol on it.
艾米在耳洞上涂了酒精
And here we are.
然后我们就回来了
What did we miss?
我们错过什么啦?
I couldn't explain it if I tried.
我就是想说也力不从心啊
So tell me, how did Sheldon look with an earring?
谢尔顿戴耳环看上去怎么样啊?
Like the pirate who helps the other pirates connect to the Internet.
看上去像那种帮助其他海盗解决IT问题的海盗
So what did you and Leonard do?
那你和莱纳德干什么了啊?
Actually, we got in a pretty nasty fight.
实际上，我们大吵了一架
It might've been the worst one we've ever had.
这可能是我们有史以来吵得最凶的一次了
Oh, my God, what happened?
天哪，怎么回事?
Well, we had started bingewatching Luke Cage together,and it was kind of our thing, and then,
我们一开始一边喝酒一边看"卢克凯奇"这向来都是我们一起做的事
I find out that she watched two episodes without me.
然后我发现她居然趁我不在自己看了两集
It's like I was excited for a present and got socks.
圣诞节了你就给我送只袜子
I don't understand how that turns into the worst fight of your life.
我不明白这怎么就成了你们这辈子吵得最厉害的一次了
I don't understand what's wrong with socks.
袜子有什么不好的
To be fair, we may have been on edge because of the Christmas tree.
说实在的，因为圣诞树的事我们之间气氛本来就比较紧张
What happened with the tree?
圣诞树怎么了?
You do make a cute elf.Oh, yeah?
你扮小精灵真是萌的一脸血真的吗?
And you thought Spock ears were only good for ComicCon.
你还觉得斯波克的耳朵只适合在动漫大会上戴呢
Hey, hey, I just found a farm where they let you chop down your own tree.
嘿，我刚找到了一个农场你可以自己砍自己想要的圣诞树呢
Oh cool, I'll be like a pointyeared Paul Bunyan.Stupid idea.
太棒了，那我就是尖耳版的伐木巨人了，真是个蠢主意
No, what's stupid is a physicist who doesn't understand when you swing an axe,you don't let go.
不，蠢的是你这个物理学家连挥斧子的时候手不能放开都不知道
For the tenth time, my mittens were slippery!Ugh.
再说一次，是我的连指手套太滑了!呵呵
It's 70 degrees, you didn't need mittens.
外面有21度呢，根本没必要戴手套
You know how easily I blister.
你也知道我容易起水泡的嘛
Yes, yes, you bruise, you peel.
是是是，你容易淤青，容易蜕皮
It's like I'm married to an old piece of fruit.
我简直就嫁了一个熟透了的水果嘛
Look, we could keep fighting and let it ruin our night,or... or we can stop and try to salvage the evening.
我们可以继续吵，把这整个晚上都毁了或者...我们现在停下来还有希望拯救一下这个晚上
Fine. Thank you.Leonard?Yeah.
好吧，谢谢你莱纳德啊?嗯
There's something on the windshield.
挡风玻璃上有点东西
You need a break?
你要不要休息一下?
Do not need a break.
不需要
There's no shame in asking for a break.
说要休息一下没什么可耻的
If I need a break, I'll ask for a break! Ugh.Leonard? Yeah?
如果我要休息的话，我会说的!好重莱纳德啊?干嘛?
There's a tree on you.
你身上有棵树
You want to decorate it tonight?
你想今晚顺便把树装饰了吗?
Yeah, with gasoline and a match? Sure.
好啊，用汽油和火柴吗?我赞成
I hope it kills us both.
我希望这玩意儿把我俩杀了
By the way, if anyone asks,the elevator shaft always had a tree in it.
对了，如果有人问起来的话电梯厢里一直都有一棵树
So Bernadette, if I express interest in your baby will you promise not to make me touch it?
那么，伯纳黛特如果我表达了对你的孩子的适当关心，你能保证别让我摸他吗?
Sure.Hey, how's life with your baby?
当然，嘿，你的娃过得咋样?
Really? You're never gonna touch their baby?
真的吗?你永远都不打算碰他们的小宝宝吗?
To this day I've never touched Stuart.
直到今天我都没有碰过斯图尔特
It's been wonderful, Sheldon, thanks for asking.
她很好，谢尔登谢谢你的关心
Oh, please stop crying, I'm begging you!
别哭了好不好，我求求你了!
I don't know what else to do!
我不知道还能做什么了
My boobs are empty. Do you want lasagna?
奶已经被你喝光了，你要吃点千层面吗?
Shh, shh, shh, it's okay, it's okay.Shh.
乖嘛，乖嘛，不哭了，不哭了
What have we done?
我们这是造的什么孽啊?
Hey, I found superhero baby wipes,the perfect way to clean up crime...and tushies.Ugh.
嘿，我找到了超级英雄婴儿纸巾既能清理犯罪现场，也能用来擦屁屁哦啊
It took me two hours to get her down.
我整整花了两小时才让她安静下来
Oh, you... you relax, I'll take this shift.
噢，你...你休息吧，接下来就交给我
You know, in India when my baby brother cried like that,the servants would just take him far away so we couldn't hear it.
在印度的时候，只要我弟弟哭成那样的时候仆人就会把他抱得远远的这样我们就听不见了
Not always, sometimes we'd leave.
但有的时候是我们走远点
Hey, he got her to stop.
听，他让她不哭了
That was so fast.
这也太快了吧
Oh, he's really good with her.
他很擅长哄孩子嘛
Yeah, he has a gift.
是啊，很有天赋
What's the matter?
你怎么哭了?
Nothing, these are happy tears. Oh, good.
没事，我这是喜极而泣，那就好
No they're not, you bozo!
才不是，你这个蠢货!
How come Stuart can get her to stop crying, but I can't?
为什么斯图尔特能让她不哭，我这个亲妈反倒不行呢?
I mean, it's Stuart.Maybe she's playing possum until he goes away.Not funny.
毕竟他是斯图尔特，没准她是装死等他走呢。一点都不好笑
She's tired, that was funny.
她只是累了，还是挺好笑的
Everyone's a better mom than me.
所有人都比我会照顾宝宝
Oh, don't take it so personally,maybe your baby's just a jerk.
嗯，你别往心里去没准儿你家宝宝就是个混蛋呢
Wait, so how does the story end?
等会儿，所以这故事怎么结尾的?
Is the baby a jerk or is Bernadette a bad mother?Sheldon!W... What?
是这宝宝混蛋还是伯纳黛特不会带孩子啊?怎么说话呢，谢尔登!怎...怎么了?
Is there another twist coming?
故事难道还有转折?
Is the baby not theirs at all? Ignore him.
这孩子到底是不是他们的啊?别理他
How did you get the baby to stop crying?
你怎么把宝宝哄不哭了啊?
Oh, I just talked to her.
哦，我就跟她说了说话
I've been told the sound of my voice puts people to sleep.
别人告诉我我的声音特别催眠
You poor things, you must be exhausted.
你们两个可怜的宝宝，累坏了吧
It has been hard to sleep with all the crying.
最近确实家里哭声一片，睡不着觉
How can she hate me?
她怎么能恨我呢?
I make her food in my chest!
我奶都给她喝了!
It's like hating a frozen yogurt machine.
就好像恨冻酸奶机一样啊
She doesn't hate you, stop saying that.
她不恨你，别这么说啦
Now you hate me too!
现在你也恨我了!
Shh, I don't hate you.
好啦好啦，我不恨你啊
It says here that up to 80% of new mothers experience baby blues.
我手机上说高达八成的新妈妈可能会经历产后抑郁症
And that the best thing to do is reassure them that they're doing a good job.
最好的办法就是告诉她们她们做的很好
Bernadette,you are doing a good job.
伯纳黛特啊你做的挺好的
Thank you, Sheldon, I'm feeling better now.Thank you, Internet.
谢谢你，谢尔登我现在感觉好点了。谢谢你，互联网
I'm telling you, with the right YouTube video,I can give Howard a vasectomy.
我跟你说过了，要是能找到合适的youtube视频我都能把霍华德输精管切除了
So things started to turn around?
所以事情开始好转了?
Yeah, eventually I figured out how to get the baby to sleep.
嗯，后来我想出来怎么能哄宝宝睡觉了
Please tell me you didn't use Amy's magic juice.Bernie? Shh.
快告诉我你没用艾米的迷幻药，嘿伯尼?嘘
She's asleep. Great.And where are you? Down here.Oh.
她睡着了，好。你在哪儿呢?在婴儿床里呢哦
This is new. I didn't know what else to do.It worked.
这可从来没见过。我也不知道还能怎么办了。这样好像挺管用的
Well, I'd say that's thinking outside the box,but... Come on.
嗯我想说你这是跳出盒子思考了，但是...这盒子啊
Don't make me laugh.Oh.
你别逗我笑啊，嗯好
Do you need help getting out?
要我帮你爬出来吗?
I think I live here now.It's fine.
我觉得我就住这儿了。没事的
Is it okay if I get some sleep?Yeah, go ahead.
那我去睡一会儿行吗?嗯，去吧
Good job, Mommy.I'm proud of you.
干得好，孩儿他妈。我真为你骄傲
Don't make me cry, either.Good night.
也别把我弄哭了啊，晚安
I love both my girls.We love you, too.
家里你们两个女人我都爱。我们也爱你
I can't believe you fit in the crib.
真不敢相信你能住进婴儿床去
I could take a bath in the sink.
我都能在水池里洗澡
I don't, but I can.
我没洗过，但是我能进得去
So how were your holidays?
你假期过得好吗?
Oh, thank you for asking.
哦，谢谢你关心
Uh, I, uh, went to visit my grandmother.
嗯，我去看我奶奶啦
She's in Bakersfield.
她住在Bakersfield
Uh, usually my brother and sister go...Oh, come on!
通常情况下是我哥哥姐姐去...哦，你们够了!
That was fun, thank you.Yeah, thanks.
今儿晚上真开心，谢谢你们啦，嗯，谢啦
Our pleasure. See you guys at work.
没事，班上见啦
Be there bright and early.
早点到哈
Not me, paternity leave. Oh!
我可不去上班，休产假呢，真是的!
A small human wreaks havoc on his wife's genitals and he gets time off.
一个小人在他老婆的子宫里狂魔乱舞他居然有假放
With pay, sucka!Forgot the baby, still new to this.
还带薪呢，你们这些笨蛋!忘了宝宝还在这儿呢，原谅我刚开始做爸爸
