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Boy, do I have to urinate.
天，真憋死我了
If only there were a solution to that.
是啊，要是有办法解决就好了
Seriously. I feel like I've got a fish tank in my pelvis.
真的，我觉得我骨盆里装了个鱼缸
So go to the bathroom.
那就去厕所啊
I can't. Why not?
我不能去啊。为什么啊?
Because I'm trying to decide between getting an Xbox One or a PS4.
因为我正在Xbox One和PS4之间做痛苦的抉择
Oh, "pee." Why'd I say that?
噢，P(音同尿尿)，我为啥要提到这个词!
Forgive me for asking a stupid question, but why are you being stupid?
容我问个傻叉的问题，你为什么这么傻叉?
I'm not being stupid.
我才没有
I'm employing the work of Dutch researcher, Mirjam Tuk, who found that people with full bladders make better decisions.
我采用了荷兰学者图克的研究成果，他发现人在膀胱处于饱和状态的情况下会做出更好的决定
Why did I pee before I decided to move in here?
我在决定搬来前为什么要撒尿呢?
Hi! Hey. Oh, how'd the audition go?
嗨!嗨。试镜怎么样?
I killed it. I was even able to cry real tears right on the spot.
拿下了，我都能现场哭出眼泪来了
Oh, that's great. I know.
好厉害， 我知道
Next time I get pulled over for a speeding ticket, here come the waterworks.
下次我再因为超速被开罚单，我就瞬间泪崩了!
Here come the waterworks!
我要尿崩了!
Aren't you gonna ask?
你没什么要问的?
What is this, my first day?
我又不是新来的
Can I get your opinion on something that happened at work today?
我今天工作遇到点事，你们给评评?
Of course. Sure.
当然的， 说吧
Okay, well, I did something that will either make me look like a lovable goof or a horrible monster damned to spend eternity in hell.
好吧，我做了件事，有可能让我显得呆萌呆萌的，或者是一个打入地狱永世不得翻身的恶魔
I'm sure it's lovable. I'm gonna go with monster. What do you got?
肯定是呆萌。我说是恶魔，你做了什么?
Well, there's this lady in our office who's retiring, and they were passing around one of those big cards for us to sign... Okay.
我们办公室有一位要退休的女士，大家在传一张大卡片给我们签名留念。懂
But no one told me she was in a horrible car accident over the weekend
但是都没人告诉我她周末出了一场车祸
and what I was signing was not a retirement card but was actually a "get well" card.
所以我签的不是退休贺卡而是"早日康复"卡
I'm liking my odds here.
我觉得我要猜对了
So on the card, in the hospital, next to the woman who's clinging to life are the words,
所以卡片到了医院，放在那位生命垂危的女士身边，写的是
"Hey, Vivian. You deserve this" "And at least with you gone," "no one will steal my yogurt out of the fridge." No!
"嗨，维维安，这是你应得的"，"至少你离开以后"，"没人会从冰箱偷我的酸奶了"。不是吧!
"LOL. Smiley face." Oh, my gosh.
"哈哈哈哈，笑脸"我的天哪
"P.S. Good luck wherever you wind up."
不管你最后去哪，祝你好运"
Why didn't I put money on this?
我怎么没下赌注呢!
Hey, that's my agent. If I got the part, it's still the second best thing I've heard all day. Hello?
我的经纪人，即使我拿到这个角色，也只能算是今天听到的第二好的消息了，你好?
Am I a terrible person?
我是不是个坏人啊?
No. No, it was a mistake.
不是啦，只是个误会
Am I a terrible person that it crossed my mind that she might die and never see the card?
如果我曾经想过，她有可能挂了，就看不到卡片了，那我是不是个坏人啊?
Now I think you're flirting with the line.
现在我觉得你离变成坏人不远了
Good news? No, I didn't get it. I'm so sorry.
好消息?没，没拿到角色。太抱歉了
You'll get offered something soon.
不久就会有新角色的
I kind of did. The part in that awful horror movie I passed on came back around.
差不多吧，那个恐怖烂片的角色，我拒绝了的那个，又回来了
Apparently, it's mine if I want it.
只要我想，那个角色就是我的
Are you gonna take it?
你准备接吗?
I don't know what to do.
我不知道该怎么办
Maybe you'll get hit by a car and die. LOL, right?
说不定你也会被车撞死呢。挺好笑的，对吧?
Hey. Emily, right? Yeah... I-I don't know if you remember me... From the dating Web site.
你好。你是艾米丽吧?是呀，不知道你还记得我不，相亲网站认识的
Your friend e-mailed me because you were afraid to, then you tracked me down and acted like a lunatic?
你朋友发邮件联系我，因为你自己胆子不够，然后疯疯癫癫，一路跟踪我的那人?
Yes, Rajesh Koothrappali.
是呀，就是我拉杰什·库斯拉帕里
Look, uh, I just... I wanted to say I'm sorry.
其实我...我本来想道歉的
Okay? You were, like, the coolest person I ever found online, and I got really nervous and I-I just blew it.
我算是我从网上认识的最酷的女生，我太紧张了，搞砸了
Uh, don't worry about it.
别放心上
And if it makes you feel any better, you're not the weirdest guy I've met off the Internet.
如果说出来你会好受点的话，你还不算是我在网上认识的最奇怪的人
Well, give me a chance... you don't even know me.
给我个机会嘛，搞不好我就是呢
All right, here's your chance. Wha... Really? Thank you.
好吧，给你机会。真的?谢谢
Fate has given me a rare second chance, and I swear to Vishnu I'm not gonna blow it.
命运很少给我第二次机会的，我对毗湿奴发誓，绝不浪费(印度教三大神之一)
Or normal words followed by a charming smile.
或者，我应该说句人话，再来个迷人的微笑
So, first there was PlayStation... aka PS1... then PS2, PS3 and now PS4. And that makes sense.
首先是第一代PlayStation，也就是PS1，然后出了PS2，PS3，现在是PS4这才合理啊
You'd think after Xbox, there'd be Xbox 2.
你以为Xbox后面，应该是Xbox 2吧
But no, next came Xbox 360.
错，结果出了个Xbox 360
Hmm? And now, after 360, comes Xbox One.
现在呢，360后面又出了个Xbox One
Why "One"?
为什么是"一"?
Maybe that's how many seconds of thought they put into naming it.
大概是他们花几秒钟想着名字就拿这数字命名
Can you get the butter, please?
帮我拿下黄油行不?
You know, however, with the Xbox One, I can control my entire entertainment system using voice commands.
但是，有了Xbox One，我就可以通过语音命令来控制整个游戏机
Up until now, I've had to use Leonard.
直到现在，我只能通过控制莱纳德来控制游戏机
Then get the other one. Pass the butter. Get... Hang on.
再拿一块，这块给我，等下
I don't feel like you're taking this dilemma seriously.
我觉得你没在认真对待我的选择问题
Fine, Sheldon. You have my undivided attention.
好，谢尔顿，我现在心无旁骛听你说
Okay, now, the PS4 is more angular and sleek-looking. No way.
你看，PS4有棱有角，线条硬朗。不是吧
It's true. But the larger size of the Xbox One may keep it from overheating.
真的，但是Xbox One外形尺寸更大，不易过热
Well, you wouldn't want your gaming system to overheat.
你才不会想让游戏机过热啊
No, see? Well, you absolutely would not.
对呀，绝对不想啊
And furthermore, the Xbox One now comes with a Kinect included. Included?! Yes! Not sold separately.
而且，Xbox One还带有Kinect体感控制器。带Kinect?!是啊!不单独出售
Although... the PS4 uses cool new GDDR5 RAM, while the Xbox One is still using the conventional DDR3 memory.
但是...PS4采用了高端的GDDR5 RAM，而Xbox One则仍采用传统的DDR3内存
Why would they still be using DDR3?
为什么还用DDR3啊?
Are they nuts?!
他们疯了嘛?!
See? That's what I thought. But then they go and throw in an eSRAM buffer.
就是啊，我就是这么想的，但是他们又加进了eSRAM缓冲器
Whoa, whoa. Wait a second. Who's "they"? Xbox.
等下，等下，打断一下，哪个"他们"?Xbox呀
You're kidding! No, I am not!
你没开玩笑吧?! 没啊!
And this eSRAM buffer should totally bridge the 100-gigabit-per-second bandwidth gap between the two RAM types.
eSRAM完全可以弥补这两类RAM间的速度差距了
This is a nightmare. How will you ever make a decision? You see? I don't know!
这真是个噩梦阿，还能不能让人愉快地做决定了?就是啊，我怎么选啊!
What should I do? Please pass the butter!
我该怎么办?黄油给我递过来!
Okay, it's not me, right? This script is terrible. Yeah.
不是只有我这么觉得对吧?剧本太烂了。是呀
I had higher hopes for a movie called Serial Ape-ist 2: Monkey See, Monkey Kill.
我对这部《连环杀人猩:猴见猴杀》电影期望过高
You know, it's still possible for you to be good in a bad movie. Okay.
但是在一部烂片里，你还是有机会演出风格啊。好吧
"Sometimes I feel like I can control the killer gorilla instinct inside of me,
"有时候我觉得我可以控制身体里的那个杀人猩"
"but then I see these bananas and I... just want to eat them and then kill people."
"但我一看到香蕉，我就...""就想大吃香蕉，大开杀戒"
What am I gonna do? Well, for starters, I wouldn't eat the bananas.
我该怎么办?首先，要是我，我就不会吃香蕉
Come on! This is serious. Uh, uh, does it at least pay well?
别扯了，人家很认真的，可是至少这活赚得挺多吧
Less than I was making at The Cheesecake Factory.
还没我在芝士工厂赚得多
What does your agent think?
你的经纪人有什么想法?
She's thinking of taking a job at The Cheesecake Factory.
她正考虑去芝士工厂工作
You know what, why don't you just do it?
听我说，干脆你就甩开膀子干吧
You'll go have fun for a few weeks, make some money and who knows what it might lead to?
拍戏的过程会很有趣，顺便赚点小钱，没准接下来会有好事发生呢
Okay, look, here, page 58.
行，咱先来看看58页的剧情
I oil-wrestle an orangutan in a bikini.
我穿着比基尼，身上涂满油跟一只猩猩摔跤
Just to clarify, which one of you is wearing the bikini? Both of us.
顺便问下，你们俩是谁要穿比基尼?我们俩都穿
So it's a family film.
这么说这还是个家庭片
Thank you again for dinner.
再次感谢你的晚餐
You're welcome.
不客气
Good night. Uh, it's date night.
晚安，今晚是约会之夜
Aren't you, uh, forgetting something? Oh, of course.
你是不是忘了要做点什么?哦，想起来了
Did I mention the PS4 controllers light up?
我跟你讲过PS4的手柄是可以发光的吗?
No. Well, they do.
没有。它们能发光呢
And then after coffee, we went for a walk and she told me she always thought people from India were exotic and mysterious.
喝完咖啡后，我们又散了会步，她说她一直认为印度人很异国风情很神秘
So, with my mouth, I said, "We're just like anybody else," but with my eyes, I said, "Straight up, Red, hop on my flying carpet."
我嘴上回答她"其实我们跟大家没什么差别"，但是我的眼神却在传达，"来吧小妞，跳上我的阿三飞毯"
So, you gonna see her again?
这么说你们还会继续约会?
Yeah, we have plans this weekend.
是呀，这周末我们有约
And if it's a clear night, I'm gonna lay some romantic astronomy on her.
要是天好的话，我还要对她搞几招浪漫的天文学
Okay, like what? Show me.
怎么个搞法，给姐亮一亮
I can't do that to Leonard.
不行，这样会对不起莱纳德
This is some powerful panty-dropping stuff.
这些可都是让妹子入怀的大招啊
You have my blessing. Go for it. Okay.
哥祝你成功，整一个。好吧
Penny, two of the brightest stars in the night sky are Altair and Vega.
佩妮，夜空中最亮的两颗星是牛郎星和织女星
And it is said they were deeply in love but forever separated by the celestial river of the Milky Way.
据说他们深深爱着彼此却被银河阻挡，永远两地分居，相隔天涯
Oh, that's sad. It is.
太悲伤了，没错
But once a year, on the seventh day of the seventh month,
但是，一年一次，在七月七日这天
Vega cries so hard that all the magpies in the world fly up and create a bridge with their wings
织女的哭声会打动喜鹊，所有的喜鹊都会飞上天，用翅膀组成一座桥
so the two lovers can be together for a single night of passion. Wow. Okay, that's enough.
让这一对恋人相见，让他们尽享一夜之欢。哇。喂，你够了
