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I want to talk about a friend of mine, if you don't mind, for a minute. Her name is Taylor Swift.
我想聊聊我一个朋友，如果大家不介意的话。她叫泰勒·斯威夫特
Good. I didn't know if you'd heard of her. She's a friend of mine, and so Tay-Tay, her new album--
很好。不知道你们有没有听说过她啊。她是我朋友。所以泰泰，她的新专辑
Tay-Tay's album comes out in November. Listen to this-- her music video for Look What You Made Me Do has been viewed over 425 million times.
泰泰的专辑要在11月份出来。看这个，她的“Look What You Made Me Do”音乐视频已经有4.25亿多的点击量了
425 million times. OK, so this gave me an idea. Think about that, 425 million times.
4.25亿。好，所以我有个想法，想象一下，4.25亿啊
If you've seen Taylor's music video, put one dollar in an envelope and send it to Hand in Hand hurricane relief. That's just all you have to do.
如果你看过泰勒的音乐视频，那就给“手拉手”飓风救援组织寄一美元。你只用做这件事就够了
One dollar. Anyway, it's a great video. Have you seen the video? Yeah.
一美元。总之，视频超棒。你们看过了吗？嗯
I thought it was OK. I thought it was good. It was--
我觉得还可以，挺好的。它——
It could have been better. I was in the original, because I'm part of her squad. And apparently, she cut me out.
本来可以拍的更好的。我在原版视频里，我是她的一个队员啊。但很明显，她把我的镜头都剪掉了
I don't know-- she's threatened by me sometimes. And nice try, Tay-Tay, because I got my hands on the real video.
我不清楚...有时候她觉得我会威胁到她的地位。想得美啊泰泰，我可是拿到了真正的视频哦
And so I'm going to share it with all of you for the first time.
我要第一次跟大家一起分享
I don't like your perfect crime. How you laugh when you lie.
“我讨厌你的完美罪行 讨厌你撒谎时的大笑”
You said the gun was mine. Ow. Isn't cool, no, I don't like you.
“你说那把枪是我的 嗷 这可不太酷 我不喜欢你”
I don't trust nobody, and nobody trusts me.
“我不相信任何人 也没有人相信我”
I'll be the actress starring in your bad dreams.
“我将是你噩梦中的女一号”
Hello? Hey, Tay-Tay. Got a little question for you.
你好？嘿，泰泰，想问你个问题。
The old Taylor can't come to the phone right now. Why not? Why?
老泰勒现在不能接电话。为什么不能？为什么？
Because she's dead. Well, then who am I playing footsies with?
因为她死了。呃，那我是在跟谁偷偷调情呢？
Somebody's got a little attitude today, huh?
某人今天有点拽哦？
You guys, look! What's up, Taylor? I thought you were dead. I brought my girls too. What's up, ladies?
大家快看！怎么了，泰勒？我还以为你死了呢。我带来了我的女票们。姑娘们，还好吗？
Yep, my girls. Not talking about these. You're so fake. Uh-huh, yep, that's my girl, Tipsy.
没错，我的女票。说的可不是咪咪哦。你们都好假。嗯哼，对的，那是我女票，醉醺醺
And that's Karla Kardashian. She is a hot mess, I'll tell you that. And then we got Trixie Ellen.
那是卡拉·卡戴珊。跟你说，她可是一团糟哦。那位是特丽克茜·艾伦
We got cowboy Ellen, glamorous Ellen. We got Magic Michelle Allen. What's with that chick? Well, that's just Twerky Ellen.
还有牛仔艾伦，魅力艾伦。还有魔法米歇尔·艾伦。那个小妞咋了？哦，那是托奇·艾伦
She's got a great butt. One of my favorites. Well, I mean, they're all my favorites. We out.
她有很漂亮的屁屁，得我专宠。额，不对，她们都是我的宠儿。闪人啦
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
谢谢，谢谢，谢谢，谢谢，谢谢大家
I want to get as many views as Taylor, so we are going to sit here and watch that 425 million more times. Roll it.
我想要和泰勒视频一样多的点击量，所以我们就坐在这儿把这个视频放4.25亿遍吧。来吧！
