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Welcome back to the Trump News Network, the bigliest and newsliest network in the world.
欢迎回到小特新闻电台，这是全球规模最大，最新闻的新闻电台。
Let's get tonight's top story. This morning, I tweeted collusion is not a crime. And it worked.
来看看今晚的大新闻，今天早上，我在推特上称共谋不是犯罪，这似乎很有用。
Apparently, if you say something is not a crime, then it's not a crime.
显然，如果你说什么事情不是犯罪，那它就不是。
Watch this. Tax evasion? Not a crime. Bootlegging the new Mamma Mia! movie?
来看看这个，避税？不是犯罪，盗版新《妈妈咪呀》？
Not a crime. Committing a crime? Not a crime. I'm in the clear, and it's all thanks to my fantastic lawyer, Rudy Giuliani.
也不是犯罪，犯罪？不是犯罪，我无罪了，这都要感谢我出色的律师，鲁迪·朱利安尼。
Look at him. The epitome of calm. I love Rudy. He's had a great week.
来看看他，他是典型的镇定型人，我爱鲁迪，他本周的表现非常出色。
People are still talking about how he tweeted the word you and nothing else.
人们还在讨论他在推特上的话，只写了一个字那就是“你”。
What you didn't know was he was standing outside my window with a sign that said,
你不知道的是，他站在我的窗外，窗户上写着标语，
Complete me. You're a great lawyer, Rudy, and I'll stand by you forever,
终结我，你是最棒的律师，我会永远支持你，
until Robert Mueller indicts you in four months and you turn on me, in which case, I don't know you
罗伯特·米勒指控你，你告发了我，我不认识你，
and we've never met. This camera? What camera? This camera.
我们从来没见过，这个相机？哪个相机？这个相机。
Speaking of which, my ex-lawyer, Michael Cohen, has been releasing secret recordings of our conversations.
说到这个问题，我的前律师麦克尔·科恩近日公布了我们的私人谈话录音。
I don't know why he's doing it, but he's doing it. But two can play at that game, Michael,
我不知道他为什么这么做，但我这么做了，麦克尔，你能做我也能做，
because now I have a secret recording of you. This is 100% real and is not fake. Listen.
因为我也有你的秘密录音，这是完全真实的，来听听。
Oh hi, Michael. Do you have anything to say?
你好麦克尔，你有什么话要说吗？
Hi Donald, Yes, it is me. Michael Cohen. You didn't do anything wrong and you are very
你好唐纳德，是我麦克尔，你没做错什么，
handsome and very not guilty. I'm Michael Cohen. Thank you Michael, Get me a coke.
你非常帅气，你是无罪的，我是麦克尔，谢谢你麦克尔，给我那瓶可乐。
Ouch! Ouch! That's cold. That's ice-cold. Not a good look. Not a good look, Michael.
老天，太凉了，太凉了，不好看，不好看麦克尔。
Speaking of people's careers being over, a Republican Congressional candidate in Virginia
说到职业生涯的终结，共和党弗吉尼亚州国会候选人，
named Denver Riggleman is in trouble for being a fan of Bigfoot erotica.
单文尔·里格尔曼遇到了麻烦，因为他是大脚erotica的粉丝。
That's actually a real story. I can't believe it. I mean, technically, it's fake news. It's not Bigfoot erotica.
这是真事，我难以置信，这一看就是假新闻，那个不是大脚erotica。
It's Sasquatch erotica. But, still, this is the first time in years the craziest thing in the news isn't about me.
那是大足野人erotica，但近几年首次出现不是关于我的大新闻。
Game recognize game, Denver Riggleman. But I'm sure things will work out for him.
惺惺相惜啊，单文尔·里格尔曼，我保证一切都会好的。
He should do what any logical person would do, have his lawyer pay Bigfoot 130,000 dollars in cash?
他应该做大家都在做的事情，他的律师支付大脚13万美金了吗？
That's what you do. All right, let's move on to some news that actually matters.
我就是这么做的，没错，来看看重要的大新闻。
The Big Mac is turning 50! Happy 50th, Big Mac. I'm usually not attracted to anything over 30,
巨无霸50岁了，祝贺你50岁生日快乐，我一般对30岁以上的事情不感兴趣。
but, in this case, I'll make an exception. Besides, you're the only reason I've ever eaten lettuce.
但我这次是破格了，因为你我第一次吃了生菜。
In honor of the occasion, McDonald's has also released their very own currency, called the MacCoin.
为了纪念这一时刻，麦当劳推出了自己的货币，名叫麦克货币。
And I'm thrilled to announce that, starting right now, we're switching to an entirely MacCoin-based economy.
我现在宣布从现在起，我们将走上麦克货币经济道路。
Speaking of burgers, I had a private meeting with A.G. Sulzberger, the publisher of the failing New York Times,
说到汉堡，我会见了奥克斯-苏兹伯格，《纽约时报》出版人，
to talk about how I treat the media. He said I was unfair and immature, and I said,
我谈论了我是如何对待媒体的，他说我很天真，很不公正，我说，
I know you are, but what am I? And, to be truly honest, folks, I only met with Sulzberger
我知道你是，那我是什么？但说实话朋友们，我只见了苏兹伯格，
because I respect how he landed that plane on the Hudson.
飞机降落在哈德森的方式太绝了，我尊重他。
I really do. Lastly, in entertainment news, Mission: Impossible is being called Tom Cruise's best movie yet.
真的，来看看娱乐新闻，《碟中谍》是汤姆·克鲁斯最棒的电影。
I love Tom Cruise. People tell me I look like him all the time.
我喜欢克鲁斯，人们说我长得像他。
I thought I was gonna meet him once, but it turned out to be this guy, Ted Cruz.
我认为我会见到他，但结果却是泰德·科鲁兹。
Fake Cruise. This is the Trump News Network. We'll be right back after this commercial break.
假克鲁斯，这是小特新闻电台，广告后再见。
Cause tonight, baby. I wanna get freaky with you. Baby, don't you understand.
今晚我会向你坦白，你不明白吗。
