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Well, guys, President Trump's still trying to figure out who wrote the anonymous New York Times op-ed about him.
朋友们，小特还在寻找在《纽约时报》专栏写他坏话的人。
You can tell he's getting desperate. Today he yelled, That's it. Get me the gang from Scooby-Doo.
你可以看出他着急了，小特叫喊道够了，把《史酷比》里那几个家伙给我抓起来。
This weekend, Kellyanne Conway said the author of the op-ed wants to create chaos;
本周末，凯利安妮·康威称专栏作者其实是想制造混乱，
and is a national security risk. Then Trump was like, Wait. Maybe I wrote it.
这是国家安全危机，小特说等一下，或许是我写的。
Of course, Trump's been trying to change the subject. Earlier today, he sent a tweet that said,
当然，小特尝试着换个话题，今早，小特发了一个推特，
The economy is soooo good. The President tweets about the economy the same way high-schoolers tweet about Riverdale.
说经济发展非常好，这怎么和高中生推特《河谷镇》的方式那么像。
They're like, Season three is soooo good!
他们说第三季太棒了。
Speaking of the economy, after former President Obama said that you need a magic wand to bring back certain jobs,
说到经济，前总统奥巴马曾说你需要魔法棒来拯救某些工作。
Trump said, I guess I have a magic wand. Then Stormy Daniels was like, Fake news. Oh, oh, oh! Oh! Oh, oh!
小特说我或许有魔法棒，斯托米·丹尼尔斯说假新闻。
I read that Trump says that he has the ultimate deal to make peace in the Middle East,
听说小特有让中东恢复平静的终极方案，
but first he says he wants to make peace between Cardi B. and Nicki Minaj, which was...
但他首先说希望卡迪·B和妮琪·米娜能够和解，这太...
That's tough. That's harder.You guys see this?
太难了，太难了，你们听说了吗？
During his speech this weekend, President Obama said that he once got kicked out of Disneyland for smoking cigarettes.
在本周末的演讲中，奥巴马说他有一次因为抽烟被赶出了迪士尼。
Watch this. A few of us were smoking.
来看看，有些人要抽烟。
There were these two very large Disneyland police officers, and they escorted us out of Disneyland.
有两名迪士尼巡警，他们将我们带出了迪士尼。
This is a true story, everybody. You know, I was booted from the Magic Kingdom. Yeah.
这是真事朋友们，我被赶出了魔幻王国，没错。
People are like, Kids do crazy things. And Obama was like kids? That was last week.
人们说孩子才做疯狂的事情，奥巴马是孩子？上周是。
Goofy, come at me, bro. Some entertainment news. I saw that Jeopardy! host Alex Trebek grew a beard. Yeah.
高飞，朝我扑来，来看看娱乐新闻，听说《阴谋！》节目主持人留胡子了，没错。
When his wife saw it, she was like, What is that on your face?
当他的妻子看到时，她说你脸上这是什么？
Hey, listen to this. After losing all 16 of their games last season,
听听这个，输了上赛季的所有16场比赛，
the Cleveland Browns' first game of the year ended in a tie.
克利夫兰布朗队的今年首场比赛以平局首场。
Yep. The Cleveland Browns. Even when they don't lose, they don't win. This is interesting.
没错，克利夫兰布朗队即使不输也不会赢，太有趣了。
Starbucks is testing a new lighter version of their frappuccino that has fewer calories and less sugar.
星巴克正在测试清爽型星冰乐，它的卡路里和含糖量都很少。
It's a big move for Starbucks. And they've already released a new ad to promote it. Take a look at this.
这对于星巴克而言是一大举措，他们还推出了广告来做宣传，来看看。
We know that you love Starbucks, and watching your calories shouldn't get in the way of that.
我们知道你喜欢星巴克，但不要让卡路里挡住你的路。
That's why we're introducing a new, lighter version of the frappuccinos you know and love.
这就是为什么我们推出了清爽型星冰乐。
Introducing...coffee. How do we make it?
我们推出了咖啡，怎么制作的？
We start with brewing fresh coffee, and then we stop. That's it.
先来煮一杯咖啡，之后停下，就是这样。
No whipped cream, pumpkin spice, or whatever's in this thing.
没有生奶油，南瓜拿铁，什么都没有。
The Starbucks frappuccino light. It's coffee, idiot. There you go. That's right.
清爽型星冰乐，就是咖啡傻瓜，没错没错。
It's just coffee. And finally, I heard about a college student in Canada who has e-mailed everyone at his school
就是咖啡，最后听说加拿大一所大学学生给学校所有人发了电邮，
named Nicole, Nicky, Nicolette, and Nick, trying to find the woman he met at a bar.
给所有姓尼科尔，尼基，尼科莱特以及尼克的人发电邮，试图找到他在酒吧见到的那名女性。
Meanwhile, the actual woman was like, Whew. Thank God I gave him a fake name. He sounds a little crazy.
同时，这名女性好似在说哦哦，感谢上帝，我用的是假名字，他听起来有点疯狂。
We have a great show. Give it up for the Roots!
今晚的节目很精彩，掌声送给合唱团。
