评论
打印
As Charles Darwin wrote in "The Descent of Man":
查尔斯·达尔文在《人类的由来》一书中写道：
"Woman seems to differ from man in mental disposition, chiefly in her greater tenderness and less selfishness.
“女性似乎和男性有着不同的秉性，这又主要体现在女性更加温柔，更不自私上。
Man delights in competition, and this leads to ambition...Thus man has ultimately become superior to woman."
男性喜欢竞争，因而更具野心......正因如此，最终，男性胜过了女性。”
And it's possible his ideas became so popular and survived so long,
他的想法可能在过去无比受欢迎，可能还流传了很长一段时间，
because it made sense to us in the societies we were living in.
因为它们在我们生活的社会中是说得通的。
But if monogamy is all a made-up construct, a way to enforce gender roles and social order,
然而，如果一夫一妻制整个就是一个虚构的东西，就是一种将性别角色和社会秩序强加给人们的方式的话，
how do we explain that visceral, deep-rooted feeling we get when our loved ones stray?
我们又怎么解释我们所爱的人心怀别恋时我们发自肺腑的那种刻骨铭心的（嫉妒的）感觉呢？
Tell me something: are you the jealous type?
告诉我：你是嫉妒型人格吗？
I feel like we don't really deal too much with jealousy.
我觉得我们的生活中并没有很多嫉妒哎。
I don't know why that is.
我也不知道这是为什么。
I think it's just 'cause we're sluts, to be honest.
我觉得完全是因为我们都很婊，说实话。
I don't get, like, jealous like that, you know.
我不会嫉妒到那个地步。
It's important I think to understand why you're feeling jealous,
我觉得明白你为什么会觉得嫉妒的原因很重要，
because jealousy is not just a -- it's not a feeling, it's usually rooted in some other sort of thing.
因为嫉妒不仅仅是一种——它不是一种感觉，它通常是源于其他一些东西。
It's not a descending guillotine.
它不是什么断头台。
It's like, jealousy is an event. What's the best way to deal with that event?
嫉妒就好比一件事情。重要的是你怎么才能最好地解决这个事情。
Who were you really with? That, that little blonde secretary from the office?
你到底和谁在一起？是不是，是不是办公室的金发小秘书？
I don't think you'll ever find any society where there was no sexual jealousy.
我觉得，没有任何一个社会是不存在性引起的嫉妒的。
But we also have these other kinds of impulses of generosity
但除了嫉妒，我们也有宽容心，
and of a sense that maybe there are other parts of the person that are more important than the sexual person.
也会觉得这个人身上还有比性更重要的方面。
And these coexist and they battle, and I think they will always battle.
这些感觉既相互共存，又会相互斗争，而且我觉得这种斗争永远不会停止。
I coined the term monogamish to describe my own relationship with my husband.
我自己创造了一个词，“monogamish”来描述我和我丈夫的关系。
We're together 24 years, not monogamous for 20 of those 24 years.
我们在一起24年了，其中有20年都不是单一伴侣关系。
And I've had people look at me and say, "I could never do what you guys do because I value commitment too highly.
有些人就会对我说，“我永远也做不到像你们那样，因为我太看重忠诚了。
All three of my marriages were monogamous."
我三段婚姻都是单一伴侣的婚姻。”
And what that says is this person was committed to monogamy, not to any of the people that they married, they were committed to monogamy.
这其实意味着他们忠于的是一夫一妻制，并不是和他们结婚的任何一个人，他们忠于的是单一伴侣的制度。
Non-monogamy is getting more mainstream attention.
非一夫一妻制引起了越来越多的主流社会的关注。
Define polyamorous. Without monogamy.
什么是多元之爱？不搞单一伴侣关系。
Polyamory. Polyamory. Polyamorous. It's called Poly-- --amory Polyamorous people. Throuple. Not monogamous, ok. You couldn't be.
多元之爱。多元之爱。多元之爱。它就是多元……之爱。实行多角恋的人群。三人情侣。非单一伴侣的。明白了吗？不可能。
A 2016 study found one in five Americans had been in a non-monogamous relationship at some point.
2016年的一项研究发现，五分之一的美国人都曾在某个时间段有过非单一伴侣的关系。
And in another survey, a third of Americans said their ideal relationship would be non-monogamous.
在另一项调查中，有三分之一的美国人都表示他们理想的关系是非一夫一妻制的。
Monogamy as we know it has been through many incarnations.
我们所理解的一夫一妻制有各种各样的体现。
It's been forced, it's been useful, it's been beautiful, it's been subverted.
有强迫性的，有掺杂着利益的，有美好的，也有被颠覆的。
As human society evolves, so will human sexuality.
随着人类社会的发展，人类的性欲也随之发展。
As we enter what I think of as uncharted territory,
当我们进入我所认为的未知领域后，
for the first time in human history we are trying to develop relationships that are not based on coercion:
人类历史上第一次尝试着建立不以强迫为基础的关系：
coercion of women by their economic and legal dependence, coercion of women by their bodies, coercion of men by the social and economic structures.
通过利用女性的经济依附和法律依附强迫女性；通过身体强迫女性，或者通过社会经济结构强迫男性。
We're trying I think to find maybe a new balance.
我们试图找到一个新的平衡点。
Monogamy isn't natural.
一夫一妻制是非自然的。
It means we have to recognize that because it's not natural, it's something that we're going to have to work for if we want it.
这就意味着我们必须认识到，因为这种关系不自然，要建立这种关系我们就要付出努力。
One of the things that I think makes human beings particularly interesting and maybe even unique in the animal world, is that we're capable of doing things that are unnatural.
我认为，人类在动物世界中特别有意思，甚至可以说是独一无一的地方在于，我们能够做一些本身不自然的事情。
Monogamy is like vegetarianism.
一夫一妻制就像素食主义。
You can choose to be a vegetarian.
你可以选择成为一名素食主义者。
And that can be healthy, it can be ethical, it can be a wonderful decision,
这种选择可以是很健康，很大的，很好的决定,
but because you've chosen to be vegetarian, doesn't mean that bacon stops smelling good.
但你选择了吃素并不意味着培根就不再香了。
If we're lucky, it's no longer about what kinds of relationships we should have in the modern world; it's about designing the kinds of relationships we want to have.
幸运的话，现代世界中，重要的将不再是我们应该发展什么样的关系；而是如何设计我们想要发展的关系。
Humans may not have evolved to be sexually monogamous -- but we have evolved to be adaptable.
人类可能还没有进化到在性方面实行一夫一妻制的地步——但我们已经进化到具有很强的适应能力了。
