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My Secret Love Affair with Rock Hudson
我和罗克·哈德森的秘密恋情
The late star's long-ago boyfriend shares their vacation album—and memories of their forbidden romance
这位已故明星很久以前的男友分享了他们的度假专辑——以及他们被禁的浪漫回忆
He keeps the photos in an antique box in his bedroom closet—mementos from a long-ago love.
他把这些照片放在卧室衣柜里的一个古董盒子里，作为很久以前的爱情纪念品。
"We couldn't take any pictures together, only of each other,"says Lee Garlington, 81, a retired investment manager who had a three-year romance with screen idol Rock Hudson in the mid-1960s.
“我们不能在一起拍照，只能互相拍照。”现年81岁的李·加林顿是一位退休的投资经理，他在上世纪60年代中期与银幕偶像洛克·哈德森有过三年的恋情。
The pair, who met when Garlington was a Hollywood extra, had to keep their affair hidden because "being authentically who he was would have shattered his career," says Mark Griffin, author of a new biography of Hudson, All That Heaven Allows, to which Garlington contributed.
加林顿还是好莱坞的临时演员时他们相识了，他们不得不隐瞒他们的恋情，因为“如果他暴露真实的一面，就会毁掉他的事业，”马克·格里芬(Mark Griffin)说。他是哈德逊的新传记《天堂所允许的一切》的作者，加林顿对此也有贡献。
Hudson's 1985 death from complications of AIDS brought his sexuality—and the disease's awful reach—out of the shadows. "He became a poster boy for a global pandemic," Griffin notes.
1985年，哈德逊死于艾滋病并发症，他的性取向和这种疾病的可怕之处由此浮出水面。格里芬指出：“他成为了一场全球流行病的代言人。”
More than 30 years later, Garlington spoke to People and shared exclusive shots of a trip he and Hudson took in 1963.
30多年后，加林顿接受了《人物》杂志的采访，并分享了1963年他和哈德森出游的独家照片。
"He was so handsome," Garlington recalls, "and we had so much fun." We rented a house on the beach in Puerto Vallarta.
“他太帅了，”加林顿回忆说，“我们玩得很开心。”我们在巴亚尔塔港的海滩上租了一栋房子。
He was the biggest movie star in the world, but people left him alone there. They didn't even know who he was. We walked on the beach and took pictures of each other with his camera.
他是世界上最著名的电影明星，但是人们不理睬他。他们甚至不知道他是谁。我们在沙滩上散步，用他的相机互相拍照。
I remember driving around in an open jeep...just living the life of two normal gay men that loved each other. I was 25, Rock was 37.
我记得我开着一辆敞篷吉普车四处兜风……只是过着两个相爱的普通同性恋的生活。我25岁，洛克37岁。
He never asked me to keep our relationship quiet—he just assumed I would and I did. It was a prescription for financial suicide to admit you were gay. We'd see each other three or four times a week.
他从未要求我保密我们的关系保持——他只是认为我会这样做，而我做到了。承认自己是同性恋无异于经济自杀。我们每周见面三到四次。
Rock was easygoing on the surface, but inside he was a bundle of nerves—he chain-smoked, and he grated on his thumb with his forefingers until it was concave.
洛克表面上很随和，但他的内心却非常敏感——他一根接一根地抽着烟，用食指捏着大拇指，直到大拇指凹下去。
He was terrified that his entire life would be ruined by one false step. On the other hand, he was one of the most promiscuous gay men in Hollywood.
他害怕自己的一生会因为一次失足而毁了。另一方面，他是好莱坞最滥交的同性恋之一。
I wanted a father figure, and he was not able to be that—he wanted one too. It was one of the reasons we went our separate ways.
我想要一个父亲的形象，但他做不到——他也想要一个。这是我们分道扬镳的原因之一。
Plus the fact I did not like the Hollywood scene. I didn't know he had AIDS until I read it in the paper.
再加上我不喜欢好莱坞的场景。直到我在报纸上看到，我才知道他得了艾滋病。
I called up the people taking care of him at his home, and they said he wouldn't recognize me and it would be best to remember him how he was.
我打电话给在他家照顾他的人，他们说他认不出我了，最好记住他的样子。
I feel very guilty for not being there for him. He helped people see that anyone could get AIDS. It was not a "moral affliction" and not a "gay disease."
我为没有陪在他身边而感到内疚。他帮助人们认识到任何人都可能得艾滋病。这不是一种“道德上的痛苦”，也不是一种“同性恋疾病”。
But he never knew the impact he had. After Rock's death I learned he had told his biographer that his mother and I were the only people he ever loved.
但他从不知道他的影响。洛克去世后，我得知他曾告诉他的传记作者，他母亲和我是他唯一爱过的人。
I broke down and cried. I had no idea. It's so sad that he didn't have the opportunity to live his life the way he wanted to.
我忍不住哭了。我不知道。他没有机会以自己想要的方式生活，这太令人难过了。
I wish he had been born 30 or 40 years later. He'd be elated about how much has changed.
我希望他在30或40年后出生。他会为发生了这么大的变化而高兴。
