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Well, you guys, today, President Trump left his summit with Kim Jong-un early because they couldn't reach an agreement.
朋友们，小特今天早早就离开了与金正恩的峰会，因为二人无法达成协议。
Yep, he walked out on Kim, but before he drove away, Trump rolled the window down, and he said,
没错，他离开了金正恩，但在开车离开之前，小特摇下玻璃说，
I just want to take another look at you. It really seemed like they were getting along,
我只是想在看你一眼，似乎二人关系很好，
but Trump took off before the summit was finished. I don't want to call it a breakup,
但是在峰会结束之前小特就坐飞机走了，我不想称之为分手，
but for the whole 20-hour flight home, Trump was blasting Taylor Swift.
但就在20小时的飞机旅程中，小特抨击了泰勒·斯威夫特。
I heard that Trump was trying to get Kim to give up his nuclear program.
听说小特想让金正恩放弃核计划。
Trump was like, I offered him a lot, sanctions relief, a trade agreement... Don Jr.
小特说，我为他提供很多东西，解除了制裁，贸易协定以及小唐。
Just take Don Jr. as an intern. Yeah, after hours of negotiating, Trump just couldn't get Kim to make a deal.
就把小唐当作实习生，没错，经过几个小时的讨论，小特没法和金正恩达成协议。
So between Kim Jong-un and Nancy Pelosi, we found Trump's biggest weakness, pantsuits. And....
所以在金正恩和南希·佩洛西之间，我们发现了小特最大的弱点，小特的套装。
Can't handle it. Can't handle it. It's his weakness. Too much. But before he flew home,
没法处理，没法处理了，这是他的弱点，太多了，在他飞回家之前，
Trump told reporters that he could've signed a deal with North Korea, but he'd rather do it right than do it fast.
小特告诉记者他其实可以和朝鲜达成协议，但他宁愿对而不是快。
Or as Stormy Daniels put it, That's a first. Then she laughed so hard, she blacked out.
或者就如斯托米·丹尼尔斯所说，这是第一次，她尽情欢笑，她昏了过去。
Get this when Trump left early, they had to cancel this big signing ceremony.
听说当小特提早离开时，他们不得不取消签订仪式。
But this was nice, Kim Jong-un grabbed all the balloons and used them to float home like the kid from Up. Aww. It was really touching.
但这很好，金正恩抓住所有气球，用它们飘着回家，就像《飞屋环游记》里面的孩子，很感动。
Check this out. Yesterday was Michael Cohen's hearing in Congress, and afterward,
听说昨天是迈克尔·科恩在国会的听证会，之后，
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez said that her bartending experience helped her question Cohen.
亚历山大·奥卡西奥-科特兹说她的酒吧工作经验帮助了她质问科恩。
Cohen must have known about her background, cause after she was done, he tried tipping her in hush money. And then...
科恩一定知道她的背景，因为当她结束询问后，他试图用封口费给她小费，嗯嗯。
Here's some business news. I heard that Federal Officials are starting to crack down on fake Amazon reviews.
听听商业新闻，听说联邦官员开始打压虚假亚马逊评论。
Yeah, apparently a lot of reviews on Amazon are fake or paid for.
没错，显然许多亚马逊评论是假的或是花钱买的。
Usually, you can tell. I mean, check it out. For instance, here's a pair of Apple AirPods.
你通常能看出来，来看看这个，这是一对苹果无线耳机。
The fake review says, These have amazing sound quality and great battery life.
虚假评论说，声音质量很棒，而且电池寿命很长。
The real review says, These are expensive Q-Tips that you'll lose instantly.
真的评论说，这些是你马上会丢失的棉签。
That's the real review. Yeah. Up next, here's one for a Fitbit.
这是真的评论，下一个是Fitbit手环。
A fake review says, It helped me get in shape and stay in shape.
虚假评论说，它让我保持身材。
Real review says, When my wife's not around, I put it on the dog. Yeah! Get up.
真的评论是，当妻子不在时，我会戴在狗身上，没错。起来。
This next one here, this one's for an Instant Pot. Review says, This is a fantastic way to prepare healthy meals fast.
下一个是Instant Pot压力锅，评论说用它制作快速的健康美食。
Here's the real review, Bro, when I ordered Instant Pot, I was expecting something totally different.
真的评论是，兄弟当我订购了这款压力锅时，我期望的是完全不一样的东西。
Whaaat? Like, a chili warmer? What is this? Next up, here's a 15-pound weighted blanket.
啥？像是辣椒加热器？这是啥？下一个是15磅重的毯子。
Fake review says, So comfortable, I can't sleep without it.
虚假评论是很舒服，没有它睡不着。
Real review says, I wake up in a puddle of my own sweat, and I'm too weak to get out of it.
真的评论说，我醒来是一身汗，我快虚脱了，出不来了。
And finally, we have a nose-hair trimmer. The fake review says, I received this as a gift, and I love it.
最后是鼻毛修毛器，虚假评论是我收到了这份礼物，我很喜欢。
Real review says, I received this as a gift, and I was like, 'What the hell, Cheryl?' Really?
真的评论是，我收到一份礼物，我说这是什么鬼谢丽尔？真的吗？
Well, this is interesting, guys. I read that a brewery in Virginia is selling beer that tastes like Lucky Charms cereal.
这个很有趣朋友们，听说弗吉尼亚的一家酿酒厂售卖味道很像幸运符麦片的啤酒。
Yeah, check it out. It's called Saturday Morning I.P.A.
没错，来看看，这个酒叫做“周日早上印度爱尔啤酒”。
Forget Wheaties. That's the breakfast of champions right there. That's the one. Hey, Jimmy. Yeah. Yo, I think I got one. I got one.
忘记威蒂麦片，这是冠军的早餐，不错，吉米我想到了一个，我想到一个。
Okay, Tariq. Go ahead. Okay, the Honey Nut Cheerios bee was like,
好吧塔里克，请说，蜂蜜喜瑞欧燕麦就像，
And you thought I was buzzed. That's not bad. That's not bad.
我认为我有点醉了，这不错，不错。
Hey, hey, Jimmy, I got one. All right, Fiber One was like, You'll get so drunk you'll actually want to eat Fiber One.
吉米我想到一个，说吧Fiber One燕麦谷物就像，微醉的你特别想吃Fiber One谷物。
That's pretty good, Quest. Jimmy, I got one. Sure, Mark, go ahead. Tony the Tiger was like, Y-o-o-o-o-o-ou're up! I never.
不错，吉米我想到一个，马克请说，东尼虎燕麦就像，你倒霉了，我从不会。
And, finally, you guys...this isn't good. There is a fake Little Caesars coupon scam going around online.
最后朋友们，这个不是很好，网上流传着小凯萨披萨的优惠券诈骗。
The only thing sadder than using a coupon for Little Caesars is hearing the cashier say, Sir, this is fake.
比使用小凯撒优惠券更悲伤的事情是，听柜员说先生这张是假的。
