评论
打印
We call them, for good reason, ‘adult’ relationships, that is, relationships entered into when we are grown up, and committed to the principles and virtues of a mature existence.
我们有充分的理由称它们为“成人”关系，也就是说，这种关系是我们长大后建立起来的，并遵循着成熟生活的原则和美德。
What can be paradoxical therefore is the extent to which - in the finest couples - the atmosphere owes a debt to certain of the moods and interests of early childhood.
因此，自相矛盾的是，在最好的伴侣中，融洽气氛在一定程度上归功于幼儿时期的某些情绪和兴趣。
For a start, we might want to call the partner ‘baby’, and they might call us ‘poppet.’
首先，我们可能想称伴侣为“宝贝”，而他们可能会称我们为“宝贝”。
We might speak in slightly younger voices and in a higher register.
我们可能会用稍微年轻一点的声音和更高的音域说话。
We might buy them a furry giraffe and they might buy us an equally adorable soft toy version of a golden retriever.
我们可能会给他们买一只毛茸茸的长颈鹿，他们可能会给我们买一只同样可爱的毛绒版金毛寻回犬。
The two animals might even play games with one another and give each other cuddles when they are sad.
这两只动物甚至可以互相玩游戏，在悲伤的时候互相拥抱。
It can all look - in the bright light of day - highly unfortunate and regressive.
在白天的阳光下，这一切看起来都是非常不适当的和倒退的。
But this would be to overlook how much adult love necessarily sits on a base created in childhood and therefore should, when it is going well, share certain characteristics with the better moments of our pasts.
但是，这就忽视了成年人的爱是建立在童年时代的基础之上的，因此，当进展顺利时，就应该与我们过去的美好时光分享某些特征。
It is no sign of folly when we use diminutives with our loved ones,
对我们所爱的人使用昵称并不是愚蠢的表现，
it is evidence that we have found our way back to the vulnerability, defencelessness and need that we once knew how to express and entertain with refreshing guilelessness
这表明，我们已经找到了回到脆弱、无助和需求的方法，我们曾经知道如何用朴实来表达和娱乐
- and that we must reconnect with in order to have a chance to love even if we are, in the rest of our lives, mature defence attorneys, senior cardiac nurses or lauded venture capitalists.
——为了有机会去爱，我们必须重新建立联系，即使在我们的余生中，我们是成熟的辩护律师、高级心脏护士或受人称赞的风险投资家。
We might - in turn - wonder at those who appear too keen to dismiss sentimental child-based play as ‘baby-ish.’
反过来，对于那些似乎过于热衷于将多愁善感的儿童游戏斥为“幼稚游戏”的人，我们可能会感到纳闷。
We might ask what happened to the infantile part of them and why it had to be disowned so forcefully.
我们可能会问，他们的婴儿时期发生了什么，为什么要如此有力地否认这一点。
We might explore how hard it is for them to be witnessed as fragile - and therefore, perhaps, to be gentle around the fragility of others.
我们可能会探索，让别人看到他们的脆弱是多么的困难——因此，也许，在别人的脆弱面前，要温柔一些。
True maturity doesn’t - ultimately - mean quashing all evidence of weakness or immaturity, it means according the younger part of us its due within the totality of our capacities.
真正的成熟最终并不意味着消除所有软弱或不成熟的迹象，它意味着在我们小孩的时候，在我们的能力范围内，这是应有的。
It calls for an ability to mother or father the younger self of the partner - and to allow them to do likewise to us.
它需要有一种能力来养育伴侣小孩时的自我-并允许他们对我们做同样的事情。
We may have to wait until we are real adults before we can relearn how to play - and love - with some of the authenticity and uncensored frankness of our three year old selves.
我们可能要等到我们成为真正的成年人之后，才能重新学会如何带着三岁时的真实和率真去玩耍和关爱。
