Predictable Crises of Early Adulthood
可预测的成年危机
Gail Sheehy
盖尔·希伊
Although I have indicated the ages when Americans are likely to go through each stage and the differences between men and women where they are striking, do not take the ages too seriously. The stages are the thing, and most particularly the sequence. Here is the briefest outline of the developmental ladder.
虽然我曾指出过美国人经历每个人生阶段时的大概年龄,以及男人与女人在哪些年龄段差异性较为明显,但是请不要过分在意这些年龄。人生各个阶段才是真正重要的,尤其是它们的次序。下面是对人生发展阶段的最为简洁的勾勒:
Pulling up roots
离家
Before 18, the motto is loud and clear: "I have to get away from my parents." But the words are seldom connected to action. Generally still safely part of our families, even if away at school, we feel our autonomy to be subject to erosion from moment to moment.
18岁以前,年轻人的口号很响亮也很明确:“我必须离开父母。”但是这些□号很少被付诸行动。一般说来,实际上我们还是家庭的一部分,即使离家待在学校,我们也会时不时地感到我们的独立自主性正被削弱。
After 18, we begin Pulling Up Roots in earnest. College, military service, and short-term travels are all customary vehicles our society provides for the first round trips between family and a base of one's own. In the attempt to separate our view of the world from our family's view, despite vigorous protestations to the contrary—"I know exactly what I want!"一we cast about for any beliefs we can call our own. And in the process of testing those beliefs we are often drawn to fads, preferably those most mysterious and inaccessible to our parents.
18岁以后,我们开始真正地脱离家庭。大学、兵役、短期旅行都是社会为我们提供的常见的“交通工具”,供我们第一次在家庭和自己的“基地”之间往返旅行。在试图将自己的世界观与家庭的世界观区分开来的过程中,尽管我们摆出一副雄心勃勃的样子声明——“我知道自己想要什么”,实际上我们常常为寻求所谓的自己的信念而绞尽脑汁。而在检验那些信 念的过程中,我们又常常会被一时的风尚吸引,尤其是那些极其神秘的、我们的父辈难以理解的事物。
Whatever tentative memberships we try out in the world, the fear haunts us that we are really kids who cannot take care of ourselves. We cover that fear with acts of defiance and mimicked confidence. For allies to replace our parents, we turn to our contemporaries. They become conspirators.
无论我们试图在外充当什么角色,我们始终摆脱不了一种恐惧,那就是:我们实际上还是一群没有能力照顾自己的孩子。于是我们用叛逆的行为和装出的自信来掩盖内心的恐惧。为了寻找能够替代父母的支持者,我们转向了同龄人。他们于是成了志同道合的人。