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I stayed there in Wayan's shop for the next five hours, talking with my new best friend about her troubles. She cleaned up the infection in my knee as I listened to her story. Way-an's Balinese husband, she told me, was a man who "drink all the time, always gamble, lose all our money, then beat me when I don't give him more money for to gamble and to drink." She said, "He beat me into the hospital many times." She parted her hair, showed me scars on her head and said, "This is from when he hit me with motorcycle helmet. Always, he was hitting me with this motorcycle helmet when he is drinking, when I don't make money. He hit me so much, I go unconscious, dizzy, can't see. I think it is lucky I am healer, my family are healers, because I know how to heal myself after he beats me. I think if I was not healer, I would lose my ears, you know, not be able to hear things anymore. Or maybe lose my eye, not be able to see." She left him, she told me, after he beat her so severely "that I lose my baby, my second child, the one in my belly." After which incident their firstborn child, a bright little girl with the nickname of Tutti, said, "I think you should get a divorce, Mommy. Every time you go to the hospital you leave too much work around the house for Tutti."
其后五个小时，我待在大姐的店里，和新好友谈她的问题。她清洗我的膝盖伤口，我听着她的故事。大姐告诉我，她的巴厘丈夫"成天喝酒，一天到晚赌博，赌输我们所有的钱，我不再给他钱赌博喝酒，他就揍我，好几次他把我揍到送医。"她拨开头发，让我看头上的疤，说："这是他拿机车头盔揍我的结果。他老是拿头盔揍我，在他喝酒的时候，在我没赚钱的时候。他揍得很用力，使我失去知觉、头晕、看不见。我有幸身为医生，我的家人都是医生，所以在他打我之后，我知道如何治疗自己。要不是我自己是医生，可能老早没了耳朵，变成聋子；或没了眼睛，变成瞎子。"她告诉我，她在遭到痛打，以致"肚子里的第二胎流产"之后离开他。事情过后，他们的第一个孩子——小名图蒂的聪明小女孩说："我觉得你早该离婚，妈咪。每次你进医院，都把太多家事留给图蒂。"
Tutti was four years old when she said this.
图蒂在四岁的时候说这句话。
To exit a marriage in Bali leaves a person alone and unprotected in ways that are almost impossible for a Westerner to imagine. The Balinese family unit, enclosed within the walls of a family compound, is merely everything—four generations of siblings, cousins, parents, grandparents and children all living together in a series of small bungalows surrounding the family temple, taking care of each other from birth to death. The family compound is the source of strength, financial security, health care, day care, education and—most important to the Balinese—spiritual connection.
在巴厘岛走出婚姻而孤独无依，在西方人来说难以想象。封闭在围墙内的家庭单位，在巴厘岛，是生活的一切——四代亲属同住在环绕家庭祠堂的一间间小平房，照料彼此，从生到死。家宅是力量、财务保障、健康、日间看护、教育，以及——对巴厘岛人最为重要的——信仰的源头。
The family compound is so vital that the Balinese think of it as a single, living person. The population of a Balinese village is traditionally counted not by the number of individuals, but by the number of compounds. The compound is a self-sustaining universe. So you don't leave it. (Unless, of course, you are a woman, in which case you move only once—out of your father's family compound and into your husband's.) When this system works—which it does in this healthy society almost all the time—it produces the most sane, protected, calm, happy and balanced human beings in the world. But when it doesn't work? As with my new friend Wayan? The outcasts are lost in airless orbit. Her choice was either to stay in the family compound safety net with a husband who kept putting her in the hospital, or to save her own life and leave, which left her with nothing.
家宅的重要性，使巴厘岛人将它视为活生生的人一般。巴厘岛的村落人口数，传统上并非以人数，而是以家宅数量计算。家宅是自给自足的宇宙。因此你离不开它。（当然除非你是女人，你只须搬动一次——从父亲家搬入丈夫家。）这种系统若是奏效——在这健全的社会中几乎一向如此——即培育出全世界最健康、安稳、平静、快乐、平衡的人类。若不奏效呢？就变得像我的新朋友大姐一样，这些弃儿迷失在缺乏空气的轨道中。她只有两个选择，要么是选择留在家宅的安全网内，继续与把她揍到送医的丈夫待在一起，不然就选择自救离去，却从此一无所有。
Well, not exactly nothing, actually. She did take with her an encyclopedic knowledge of healing, her goodness, her work ethic and her daughter Tutti—whom she had to fight hard to keep. Bali is a patriarchy to the end. In the rare case of a divorce, the children automatically belong to the father. To get Tutti back, Wayan had to hire a lawyer, whom she paid with every single thing she had. I mean—everything. She sold off not only her furniture and jewelry, but also her forks and spoons, her socks and shoes, her old washcloths and half-burned candles—everything went to pay that lawyer. But she did get her daughter back, in the end, after a two-year battle. Wayan is just lucky Tutti was a girl; if she'd been a boy, Wayan never would have seen the kid again. Boys are much more valuable.
事实上，并非真的一无所有。她带着博大的医疗知识、善良之心、工作道德和图蒂——由她努力争取而来的女儿。巴厘岛到底是父权社会，在罕见的离婚案例中，孩子自动归属父亲所有。为了争取图蒂，大姐必须散尽所有的一切去聘请律师。我是说——"所有的一切"。她不仅卖了家具和珠宝，还卖了刀子、汤匙、袜子、鞋子、旧抹布和烧过的蜡烛——为了付清律师费用而卖掉一切。经过两年的交战，她最后确实争取到女儿。图蒂是个女孩，这是大姐的幸运；因为倘若图蒂是男孩，大姐甭想再见到这个孩子，男孩宝贵得多。
