It is?
Mmmm.
You didn’t just go “mmmm” twice?
Mmmm mmmm.
Hmmmm.
He inched his way up the corridor as if he would rather be yarding his way down it, which was true.
He was within two yards of the door to the bridge when he suddenly realized to his horror that it was going to be nice to him, and he stopped dead. He hadn’t been able to turn off the doors’ courtesy voice circuits.
This doorway to the bridge was concealed from view within it because of the excitingly chunky way in which the bridge had been designed to curve round, and he had been hoping to enter unobserved.
He leant despondently back against the wall again and said some words which his other head was quite shocked to hear.
He peered at the dim pink outline of the door, and discovered that in the darkness of the corridor he could just about make out the Sensor Field which extended out into the corridor and told the door when there was someone there for whom it must open and to whom it must make a cheery and pleasant remark.
He pressed himself hard back against the wall and edged himself towards the door, flattening his chest as much as he possibly could to avoid brushing against the very, very dim perimeter of the field. He held his breath, and congratulated himself on having lain in bed sulking for the last few days rather than trying to work out his feelings on chest expanders in the ship’s gym.
He then realized he was going to have to speak at this point. He took a series of very shallow breaths, and then said as quickly and as quietly as he could:
Door, if you can hear me, say so very, very quietly.
Very, very quietly, the door murmured:
I can hear you.
Good. Now, in a moment, I’m going to ask you to open. When you open I do not want you to say that you enjoyed it, OK?
OK.
And I don’t want you to say to me that I have made a simple door very happy, or that it is your pleasure to open for me and your satisfaction to close again with the knowledge of a job well done, OK?
OK.
And I do not want you to ask me to have a nice day, understand?
I understand.