You're still arguing about who loads the dishwasher the right way. Sharing your home with someone else is bound to lead to differences and frustrations. But if you're bitching about the same thing repeatedly-you know, about how he can't (for the life of him!) turn the cookie sheet the right way in the damn dishwasher-you might need to find a better way to express yourself. "Often when a couple has an argument that never gets resolved, they aren't talking to each other in the right way," says Walfish. "They're screaming, yelling and attacking, and then going silent because they don't feel heard."
你们还在争论到底是谁正确的安装了洗碗机。与他人住在一起肯定会有不同、也会有沮丧。但如果你总是反复的唠叨同一件事--你知道的，关于为什么他就是不能在洗碗机把饼干纸放好（一直都不能！）--那你最好以一种更好的方式向他表达。"通常，当夫妻的争论永远都无法得到解决时，他们是不会对彼此好言好语的，" Walfish说。"他们会尖叫、大喊、互相攻击、最终会因为感觉没人听自己说话而陷入沉默。"
By going to a therapist, Walfish says you can finally figure out how to illustrate your feelings in a way that your partner can understand-so instead of screaming and slamming the baking sheet into the "correct" position, which can make him shut down, you'll learn that saying something like, "Sweetie, you may not think it's a big deal, but loading the cookie sheet this way isn't getting it fully clean, and that bugs me." Then you can talk about why.
Walfish说如果去找治疗师，你们会最终理清该如何以另一半听得懂的方式表达自己的感情--所以与其尖叫着将烘焙纸放"正确"，让他闭嘴，你会发现说这些话会更好"亲爱的，也许你觉得这不是大事，但这样放饼干纸不会完全洗干净，这真的让我很困扰。" 之后你再解释原因。
Either way, "a therapist can take the couple through the conflict in slow motion and not allow them to sweep issues under the rug," says Walfish. "Hashing through the details, however long that takes, is the only way to put the problem behind you."
不管如何，"治疗师可以帮助夫妻慢慢的解决冲突，不会让他们对冲突避而不谈，" Walfish说。"反复谈论细节是解决问题的唯一方式，不管这需要多久。"
You're nicer to your colleague than you are to your partner. If it's easier to have small talk with the girl who's always stealing your business ideas than it is with the man you share a life with, you may need to figure out why you're icing your partner out. Sex therapist Vanessa Marin says that when you notice yourself retreating into personal affairs instead of making an effort to share experiences with your husband, you're ignoring bigger issues.
你对同事的态度都比对自己的伴侣好。如果你觉得与总是抢你生意的女生谈话比与和你共度一生的人交谈还要容易，那你就需要反思为什么你要冷落自己的另一半了。性治疗师凡妮莎·马林说道，当你意识到自己陷入个人事务并且在与丈夫分享自己的经历方面不再做努力时，你忽视了更大的问题。
You may not even realize you're doing it, so consider this situation: Your day started with a manic drive to your kid's school. Then at work, you never felt like you had enough coffee or that you were nailing it with clients like you used to. Even worse, it was your husband's turn to pick up the kids, but he's stuck in a meeting so you have to leave early to get them.
你甚至都没有意识到你这么做了，所以考虑一下这种情况：你的一天从狂躁的开车送孩子上学开始。然后，工作时，你觉得咖啡永远都喝不够，觉得自己不能像以前那样搞定客户。更糟糕的是，今天本该轮到你老公去接孩子，但他却在开会不能脱身，因此你不得不早点下班去接孩子。
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