MAN: Can I help you?
Amy: Let's go mike.
Mike: Si, si si, we are American relativos. El cousins of the Groomo
Amy: I'm leaving Mike.
Mike: My wife just had a baby.
Amy: I did not, I had a knapsack…
Mike: Quick, how do you say husband in Spanish?
Amy: Esposo.
Mike: We are with the esposo...Thank you for inviting us to your home-o
MAN: The little liar. Why don't we crush his skull like a melon?
Mike: What's he saying?
Amy: They like you.
Mike: Ok well tell them the airlines lost our gift.
Amy: We are sorry. we have no money, we are hungry, we are Americans
Well, I'm American, he's Canadian. Please, oh please. (SPANISH)
Man: Ok, there will be no blood spilled on my daughters wedding day.
Please stay and eat all you wish (Spanish)
Mike: What what?
Amy: They have invited us to stay and eat..
Mike: Haha, gracias gracias…I'm crazy huh? I had that guy wrapped around my finger. What?
Amy: Never mind.
Mike: Uh, Amy, I think we better dance.
Amy: Forget it I don't dance.
Mike: You are kidding, why not?
Amy: I don't dance ok?
Mike: Why?
Amy: I haven't been asked that much, it doesn't matter anyway
Mike: Well look, I'm not asking you I'm telling you…come on.
Amy: Mike…
Mike: Right foot first, bend your elbow
TV: Today's forecast, 46 degrees with sleet on the way, a bizarre day weather wise, as every European city is overcast and rainy except for Barcelona where it's a warm and beautiful 82.
Carol: I hate my life
Ben: What did she say?
Chrissy: She said it's not fair. She hates her life.
Ben: Sounds like a bunch of gibberish to me.
Chrissy: Same as always.
Doctor: Your wife is fine, although she will have to stay here for the rest of the week; she is still in some pain.
Jason: But you found the right woman…Blonde, about this tall, probably very cranky about now…
Doctor: That's her all right.
Jason: So she's fine, the operation went well?
Doctor: Oh yes yes, it went perfectly, no complications…uhm, without getting too technical…
Jason: It's alright, I'm a doctor too…
Doctor: Oh I didn't realize it…so you understand about our little screw-up.
Jason: No no frankly I don't, I have never seen a hospital run quite this badly
I'd be ashamed to practice in a place like this.
Doctor: What is your specialty doctor Seaver?
Jason: Psychiatry.
Doctor: Perhaps you could have talked the appendix out.
Jason: Honey it is you…
Maggie: Jason. Is it a boy or a girl?
Jason: Shhh…don't let anyone hear you say that. Its an appendix and you are going to be fine.
Maggie: Oh yes I remember, I'm in a hospital.
Jason: Yes.
Maggie: In Paris…
Jason: And you look wonderful. I bet even your stitches are cute…yeah, I was right.
Maggie: Oh Jason, why did this have to happen now?
Jason: Hey it could have been worse; we could have been parents again.
Maggie: Uh?
Jason: Long story
Maggie: Jason, our anniversary…how long do I have to stay here?
Jason: Well about a week.
Maggie: We can't have our anniversary dinner at An Rees!
Jason: Oh, you know you haven't ruined a thing. Come on, we are together, we are in Paris…uh?
WALLA!

Mike: Well, I'll tell you what's bothering you…you just can't admit that it was my cunning that got us fed. Hey you are smiling! See, you do realize how lucky you are to be under my wing
Amy: Yeah, I sure do.
Mike: You know there's a lot of tricks I can teach you…before you know it you'd wind up having a good time.
Amy: Let's say I settle for the best of a bad situation.
Mike: For what it's worth Amy, you are not the dud you think you are. Oh, and I mean that pretty much the way it sounds. Hey look, ill handle this one.
Amy: But you don't speak the language.
Mike: Trust me, I don't need a language.
Jason: Oh you got the pillow…that's for me
Nurse: …
Jason: No you don't understand I'm here for her sake, so I would be like to be sitting on something…Now look what you have done! Excuse ?a excuse-1 miss…uh…Va va voom, out!
Maggie: Jason, what is going on? It took me nearly 2 hours to go to sleep.
So if you are going to insist on staying here, would you please…
Jason: Honey no need for long thank you…I know what me being here means to you.
shhh
Woman: This is it, end of the line. (Spanish)
Mike: Gracias, gracias a bunch.
Amy: Where are we?
Mike: We are in Paris, hey where's the Eiffel tower?
Amy: I don't believe this!! You brought us right back where we started.
Mike: Oh no I didn't, we are miles away from that hotel was where that guy was trying to kill me.
Amy: Him?
Mike: Where are you going?
Amy: Away from you. I should have known that any guy whose IQ is less than his waist size is useless.
Mike: Oh come on I'm not useless.
Amy: Ok, name one thing, just one thing that you got right since we landed in Spain.
Mike: Ok, well unlike you I did not leave my wallet in that truck.
Amy: Uhhhhhh!!!
Mike: I have it, right here…Would you slow down? Of fine, you didn't thank me for the food, so why should you thank me for the wallet…
Amy: You didn't get the food, I did. That guy was going to crush your cap like a melon.
Mike: How can someone kid themselves like this? Look, would you hold on a second? Look, I can try to get in touch with my parents again.
Amy: Come on Mike, we both know that this whole parent thing is just a big joke.
Mike: Yeah, I know, but at least they've got money.
I'm calling for dr.Jason Seaver? What do you mean, he's checked out? No forwarding address? Thank you.
Amy: On my itinerary right now, I would be at this little church in Corbe…I mean not like its any great landmark, my grandparents were married there
Mike: Yeah look can I borrow one of those little coins with the picture of Elvis on it?
Amy: That king Yuan-Carlos.
Mike: Yeah, look, in my book here is only one king.
Amy: So now you want to borrow my very last pesetas?
Mike: Thank you…I got to find out where they are.

Chrissy: I'll get it…Four hearts Grandma.
Grandma: Four spades…
Chrissy: Big talk grandma…you are bluffing. Hello? Chrissy Seaver's house. My daddy told me not to accept collect calls.
Mike: Chrissy, it's Mike.
Chrissy: Hi, he said especially not from you.
Mike: So what are you going to do Chrissy?
Chrissy: I accept the charges.
Mike: That a girl!
Carol: Is that Mike?
Chrissy: No, it's for me, and it's private. Get out.
Carol: It is Mike.
Chrissy: Nice Carol, you just hung up on mom and dad.
Carol: What?
Mike: UH…she hung up…Amy? Amy? Amy? Amy? Amy? Amy?