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Mr. Dewitt: Mr. and Mrs. Seaver. Please, take your usual seats. So, doctor Seaver. How's the
world of psychiatry?
Jason: Fine. Fine. So what about Ben?
Mr. Dewitt: And Mars Seaver. Gee I miss your newscasts on channel nineteen. Why did you
leave?
Maggie: Mr. Dewitt, could we please get to the point?
Mr. Dewitt: well excuse me for making small talk. Now I believe it's your turn.
Jason: Oh, so, how is the wife Mr. Dewitt?
Mr. Dewitt: Getting divorced. It's a very painful time in my life and I can't believe you brought
it up.
Maggie: Mr. Dewitt, what is the problem with Ben?
Mr. Dewitt: Oh, he's suspended.
Jason: What?
Mr. Dewitt: During forth period, Janitor Bob spotted him at the mall. At Leylanni's Loo Aisle on
a stick.
Jason: That's where all the counter girls wear the coconut bras?
Mr. Dewitt: Now, you've heard of it?
Jason: No, no I haven't. And skipping class is serious, but is it worth a suspension?
Mr. Dewitt: No. But this is. When I had Ben Seaver sent to my office, a young Chinese boy
arrives.
Maggie: Oh, there is another Ben Seaver in the school?
Mr. Dewitt: As a matter of fact, last count, there were six Ben savers. Covering; English,
Spanish, Science, Physical Education, Algebra and Shot.
Jason: So he hasn't been attending any of those classes?
Mr. Dewitt: Not this semester. And the funny part is, he's never done better.
Mr. Dewitt: Attention people. This is Principle Dewitt. Ben Seaver, I want to see you in my
office before the spittle dries on this microphone.
Ben: Guys. Hey guys wait up. I'll take this one. I'm back from lunch.
Maggie: Ben Seaver, how could you do this?
Bens: I'm sorry mum.
Jason: And don't come out young man until I tell you to move. Hey you moved.
Ben: I breathed.
Jason: Well keep it to a minimum.
Maggie: Jason, why would he do this? Why would he skip school for three months?
Jason: I don't know.
Maggie: Remember when he used to just love going to school?
Jason: No. He never did.
Maggie: Well sure he did. All through the early grades.
Jason: Honey, all I know is that when you went back to work and I was driving him, I had it
drag him out of the car.
Maggie: So you are saying that my being a working mother caused all this?
Jason: No sweetheart. Don't be ridiculous. Your career lasted what, three years?
Carol: It's official Ben. You are now a total loser.
Ben: Carol, why don't you go pluck those hairs off your face?
Mike: Hey.
Ben: Mike, guess who's got a two week vacation?
Mike: Uh let me guess, is he tall and goofy?
Ben: Well he's tall anyway.
Mike: Hey!
Carol: I can't believe you are so proud that you got suspended.
Ben: Mike, explain it to her.
Mike: Woo woo wo. You got suspended?
Ben: Yipper dipper. And I took the whole Drea Himer naughty club with me.
Mike: Ah Ben, Ben. This is not good.
Ben: Why not?
Mike: Because some how I am going to be blamed for this.
Carol: I knew this day was coming. I mean you could only be repulsive for so long and then
the world just vomits you out.
Jason: Ok everybody. We want to talk to Ben.
Carol: Come on Chrissy. I'll tell you a story.
Chrissy: What story?
Carol: Well, it's called the boy with no brain.
Jason: Alright Ben, number one: no TV.
Ben: Ever?
Jason: Ever.
Ben: Well what if there's a natural disaster and I have to turn it on for further instructions?
Jason: You'll die.
Maggie: Jason, I was going to handle this.
Ben: Yeah dad. Let's hear what's on mums mind.
Maggie: Ben, we are going to go over every class you skipped. You are going to catch up in
these two weeks even if you have to study twenty four hours a day.
Ben: Dad, you were saying?
Jason: Well Ben, there's always boarding school. You know, where your day begins at six am
with a nice brisk ten mile run and then it's off to classes for eight or nine hours. You don't skip
classes in boarding school. Otherwise large women with no sense of humour hunt you down
with dogs.
Jason: What's so funny sweetheart?
Chrissy: The Farside. Everybody does it with Rhinos.
Jason: Need any help with words?
Chrissy: Do I look like Ben?
Maggie: That is quite enough Chrissy.
Carol: Good morning all. The editorial page please.
Jason: There you go.
Chrissy: What is an editorial page?
Carol: Well it's where opinions are voiced on important issues. When you get older you'll be
reading it. And when Ben gets older, he'll be sleeping under it.
Maggie: I think it would be nice if everyone left before Ben gets here.
Carol: well I'd love to leave. I can_t even look at him.
Maggie: You know it has been a long time since just the two of us have been at home
together.
Ben: Yeah.
Maggie: Remember when it used to be like this every day?
Ben: Sure, then you went back to work.
Maggie: That bothered you?
Ben: Doesn't matter.
Maggie: Uh, I didn't think so.
Ben: But you did come home for Chrissy though.
Maggie: Honey, if I knew you were going to turn out like this, I never would have gone back to work.
Ben: Thanks.
Maggie: No, no. Ben, I figured we'd start each day with a ten minute free period. You can
think. You can talk. You can ask me anything and maybe we get to know each other better. You can do whatever you want.
Ben: Great.
Maggie: Right. So what are you reading?
Ben: The Nicks lost.
Maggie: Hmm, well the Lakers are pretty strong when Magic is on his game.
Ben: You knew Magic Johnson played for the Lakers?
Maggie: Oh yeah, I've been following him since he was at Michigan state. That's a college Ben.
So, what does the article say?
Ben: The Nicks blew.
Maggie: But what word does the writer use to convey that thought?
Ben: He used the word blew. The Nicks blew like the exhaust from a Thai restaurant.
Maggie: That's called a simile.
Ben: A what?
Maggie: A simile. It's a figure of speech used as a comparison. Now you try one.
Ben: I don't know mum. I'm as dumb as a post.
Maggie: Right.
Ben: What?
Maggie: Dumb as a post. That's another simile.
Ben: Yeah?
Maggie: Yeah. And how many rebounds did Ewing get?
Ben: Um, ten defensive, eight offensive.
Maggie: And that makes?
Ben: Eighteen.
Maggie: And the game was played in?
Ben: Los Angeles.
Maggie: Which is in?
Ben: Urrrr.
Maggie: It's where all the big movie stars live.
Ben: The Betty Ford clinic?
Maggie: Which is in?
Ben: California.
Maggie: Right. Ben you have just studied English math geography and health. See, you can do
it.
Ben: Mum, would this be a simile: Carol is butt ugly?
Song: Monday morning and out to school. The teacher is teaching the golden rule. American
history and practical math. You studying hard to open the caf? Working your fingers right
down to the bone. The guy behind you won't leave you alone. Ring ring goes the bell. The
cook in the lunch room is ready to fail. You are lucky if you can find a seat. Back in the
classroom open your books. The teacher don't know how mean she looks. Soon three o clock
rolls around. You find the day is over.
