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Ben: Looking sharp dad.
Jason: Well I have no choice. See your mother, a women in the high maintenance category, requires a top drawer evening.
Ben: F.Y.I. dad, its popcorn-shrimp night at the sizzler.
Jason: Well thanks but unfortunately three months ago we planned tonight for a special night of theater, dinner, dancing, and the works.
Ben: The works? Ah, you mean sex.
Jason: Ben I know your 15 but not everything you hear is a euphemism for sex.
Ben: Well I guess not. I mean you sure don't seem very excited about taking mom out.
Jason: Well it's just that I have a speech to prepare for Monday, I've got the clinic budgets due next week, and I'd cancel tonight but it would break your mother's heart. Oh, you look fabulous.
Maggie: Well I have been looking forward to this for months.
Jason: I'll pull the car around. I'm thrilled!
Maggie: Oh, me too! Ah…I'd do anything to get out of this.
Ben: Huh?
Maggie: Oh, I've got a column due next week, and I'm in the middle of researching another. I need a night out like I need a paper cut.
Ben: Gee mom, you know, dad sure would be disappointed if you didn't go.
Maggie: Oh, I know, but…
Carol: Mom is it ok if I borrowed your perfume?
Maggie: Oh, of course honey! Anything you want, I'm just so glad to have you home.
Carol: Mom, take it easy your giving me hug burns.
(Horn honks)
Ben: Man, dad can't wait to get you alone mom.
Maggie. I'll get my coat. The sooner I get this started the sooner I get it over with.
Carol: Marriage is never going to do that to me. Oh Kate, thanks for agreeing to have diner with Dwight and me. I mean I really want Mike and Dwight to be friends but I know you had to talk Mike into coming tonight.
Kate: Don't be silly, Mike is really looking forward to this. He is so excited.
Mike: I've got a tape worm.
Carol: Poor baby! Where does it hurt?
Mike: Ah, well, well right there.
Carol: You're going, and if you hurt Dwight's feelings you'll wish you had a tape worm.
Mike: Oh my! A trip to London really mellowed her out.
Kate: A tape worm?
Mike: Well I was going to go with rickets, but I figured she wouldn't buy it two times in a row.
Chrissy: Why didn't you tell mommy that daddy didn't really want to go?
Ben: Well, because they think I'm going over to Stinky's.
Chrissy: So?
Ben: Well, I'm actually going cruising with Chuck Stake. Tonight he's going to let me ride inside the car.
Chrissy: You told a lie!
Ben: Quiet or I'll melt your Disney tapes. (Talking on the phone) Hello. It's the woman who has to put up with you tonight. A broken leg? As in you can't come baby-sit? Well, if no bones are poking out, I don't see why not? But you have to! It's a matter of life and death! Ah!
Ben: I don't believe this. I was actually going to ride with Chuck Stake. No more running along side. No more explaining why I need new shoes.
Chrissy: Shh…I'm watching TV.
(Horn honks)
Ben: Yo, Chuck Stake! You want to come in?
Chrissy: We are watching the Little Mermaid. You looked like a loser.
Dwight: Welcome to the land that time forgot.
Mike: It's an attic.
Carol: Not its not! It's a Mid-evil banquette hall.
Mike: Ah, my mistake.
Kate: Carol everything looks beautiful.
Carol: Why thank you. Now, please sit down and make yourselves comfortable.
Dwight: I'll go fetch our sumptuous repasts, so we can slay our appetites and slake our thirsts.
Carol: That means you get to eat and drink. Do you need some help my dearest darling?
Dwight: Oh, no thank you my luscious lamb-chop.
Carol: Are you sure my stalwart stevedore?
Dwight: Quite, my whimsical wench.
Mike: Get the food!
Kate: Carol, your dress is beautiful.
Carol: Thank you, Dwight made it. Yes, he sews.
Mike: Dwight, how did you open that door?
Dwight: Oh, it's simple. I rigged it to electric pressure mats on both sides, so the door opens and closes on its own.
Mike: Where did you get that idea, the lost note books of Leonardo da Vinci?
Dwight: No, the door of the Piggly-Wiggly.
Jason: (thinking to himself) I could increase clinic manpower. Will you knock it off; you suppose to be enjoying a night out with your wife. Oh, look at her, having the time of her life.
Maggie: (thinking to herself) I'd give you cash to turn this car around. Stop it; you know how much he wants to go out tonight.
Jason: I'd rather put thumb tacks in my shorts. I should tell her.
Maggie: I've got so much to do at home; I've got to tell him. Jason….
Jason: Sweetheart I've…You go first.
Maggie: Honey, how do you feel about going out tonight?
Jason: Oh, jazzed and tingly. You?
Maggie: Oh, in the ballpark of jazzed. Just a side of tingly.
Jason: What, more like, uhhh…
Maggie: I'd rather have thumb tacks in my shorts.
Jason: Me too.
Maggie: Honey, I'm so sorry…you'd rather have thumb tacks too?
Jason: Yeah, I don't want to go out tonight. You want to go home?
Maggie: Oh you bet. Oh honey, isn't this the silliest thing we have ever done?
Jason: Well we did have a slight miscommunication, based on our great love for one another. Here we can stop next ramp straight home make the most what is left this evening.
Maggie: Ok, but why are we slowing down?
Jason: Well, there's brake lights up ahead. Probably just some minor delay.
Kate: This turnip soup is…umm…it's interesting.
Mike: Ninety-nine percent flavor free.
Carol: You have absolutely no since of adventure.
Mike: Hey, I'm here aren't I?
Kate: So, uh, Dwight what else are we having?
Dwight: Thought you'd never ask. Voila.
Kate: Meat?
Carol: Dwight, I thought I told you, Kate doesn't eat anything with a face.
Dwight: I cut it off.
Mike: Well, just out of curiosity Dwight, what was it when it had a face?
Dwight: Just your plain, garden variety muskrat.
Mike: Muskrat? Dwight, where did you get a muskrat? Did some guy in an alley come up to you, open his coat, and it was just hanging there?
Dwight: You know Merve?
Mike: Carol, you've had some weird boyfriends before but this time you got the door prize.
Carol: Ok Mike, that it, apologize to Dwight or I am never talking to you again?
Mike: Great! Two birds with one stone.
Dwight: You've had other boyfriends?
Carol: Ah, I should have known. I mean there is no way for us to be friends. We are like oil and water, smart and stupid, and Dwight I told you Kate was a vegetarian.
Kate: Carol, he meant well.
Dwight: Hey, I can handle my own woman.
Kate: Your own woman? Carol, is that the kind of relationship you two have?
Carol: You're talking to me about relationships and you're with that?
Mike: Oh, hey, let's face facts here. There are four people in this room; two of them are wearing tights, and it isn't us. Kate, come on get your stuff, we are out of here.
Kate: Dwight we had a lovely time.
Mike: No, no, no. Kate you don't have to be polite unless you want to be invited back.
Dwight: Hey!
Ben: Hey!
Chrissy: Hey! What happened?
Ben: The lights went off.
Chrissy: Thank you Mr. Science. Now put them back on.
Ben: Chrissy I can't, I think the power is off.
Chrissy: I don't like the dark.
Ben: Oh, here's some matches. Chrissy get off my leg.
Chrissy: Ok.
Ben: Aw!! Oh, that's lots better. I'm going to see if I can find out what happened. Hold on. Not that tight! Man, the whole neighborhood is dark.
Chrissy: What did you do?
Ben: Nothing! It's a power failure, why are you blaming me?
Chrissy: This never happens when mommy or daddy are home.
Ben: Look, you stay right here, I know where a flashlight is. Mom keeps it up here next to the uh….Christmas ornaments. Great, it still works.
Chrissy: That's not a real light. Put the lamp back on.
Ben: Chrissy, I can't there is no electricity.
Chrissy: Oh, so let's watch television tell it comes back on.
Ben: Next time I baby-sit you, dad is buying me a car. Great, here is the radio. Now maybe we can find out what is going on.
Chrissy: Wait a minute, I can't watch T.V. but you can listen to the radio?
Ben: Chrissy! We are going to play a little game called "shut up". You go first.
Radio announcer: The storm has downed a number of power lines causing blackouts over most of long island.
Radio announcer: Local predicts that the blackout will last another eight to twelve hours.
Mike: A blackout, great! Dwight, open the door.
Dwight: Woops!
Mike: I don't want to hear woops from this guy.
Dwight: I just remembered that the door is electrically patched into the main circuitry of the house. No way can we date a house of this age….
