Mike: Wow, twenty-one years.
Carol: Yeah.
Mike: You have always been obnoxious.
Jason: Mike, read this line.
Mike: I hate this book.
Jason: Oh, how do you know? You haven't even read it.
Mike: I heard about it I'll just wait for the movie.
Jason: Mikey.
Mike: Ok, ok. Don't help me.
Carol: (reading) "See Spot run said Dick. Run, run, run. See him wag his tail."
Maggie: I heard her, she can read. Four years old and she can read.
Jason: It's a mericcall.
Maggie: Oh, it's fantastic!
Jason: Our little genius.
Maggie: Oh, I'm got to go call mom and dad.
Jason: I'll get the paper for her.
Carol: Turn the page; I want to see how it comes out.
Mike: You have always got me make me look bad don't you?
Carol: Yeah.
Mike: Big deal, so what if you can read, it doesn't mean nothing.
Carol: Sure it does, it means I'm smart and your stupid.
Mike: Oh yeah?
Carol: Yeah, you're never even going to graduate.
Mike: I bet you fifty bucks I do.
Carol: Ok, sucker.
Mike: What does graduate mean?
Mike: Well, I graduated didn't I?
Carol: Yeah, and you were smart enough to stop me from making the biggest mistake of my life.
Mike: What are you talking about? You're still dating Dwight.
Carol: No, I was talking about the time I wanted to get a nose job.
Carol: If you think I'm even aware that you have been calling me funny looking for the past all my life, your crazy.
Mike: Carol: why would you even listen to me? Come on, you know, you're my sister and I m suppose to call you ugly. That's my job.
Carol: What, now I suppose your going to say you didn't mean it.
Mike: Look, look did you mean it all those times you call me so incredibly stupid? All right, all right bad example. But Carol, come on, this is brother and sister stuff here, you know? Look, I mean Eddie calls his sister ugly, Bonner thinks his sister is ugly
Carol: Bonner's sister is ugly.
Mike: That's not the point Carol. The point is you're not ugly, I mean as a matter of fact in the last couple of years you're looking kind of, you have been getting better looking.
Carol: Oh sure.
Mike: Carol this is tough for me all right? Look, I mean, I have seen the way guys look at you, I know that look.
Carol: Yeah?
Mike: Yeah, I mean, you know and when your friends look at your sister that way it's kind of weird.
Carol: So you are saying I'm?
Mike: (mumbles).
Carol: What?
Mike: Pretty. I said I think you are kind of pretty.
Carol: Wow, you think I'm pretty.
Mike: Yeah, look, and if you have any sensitivity at all you will never ever tell anyone I said you weren't a bow-wow.
Mike: You know Carol, I have been thinking, I mean after twenty-one years of my zingers you shouldn't just have to quit cold turkey.
Carol: What?
Mike: Well, I think we should get together every once in a while. Just to make sure that you don't start getting the idea that you are normal of anything.
Carol: You would do that for me?
Mike: Sure.
Carol: Jerk.
Mike: Geek.
Maggie: Ok for our last meal we will pretend that this is an eloquent banquette with a make-believe table.
Carol: Make-believe chairs.
Jason: And make-believe food. Where are those guys?
Carol: It's about time.
Mike: Hey, pizza guy.
Maggie: Good I'm starving.
Chrissy: Oh good, food.
Carol: I can't believe we are actually leaving.
Maggie: I know, do you believe that this is the last meal we will ever have in this house?
Carol: That's right, sharing stale pizza, smelling Ben.
Ben: Is it too late to sell her with the house?
Jason: It's amazing that this house has survived four Seaver children.
Maggie: I'll remember this as the house my babies grew up in.
Jason: Well they sure were cute as little kids. And they grow up.
Mike: Why are you look at me?
Jason: Well, he is the only guy we have ever heard of who could pull off scams in two cities at the same time. Remember the time you snuck off to California, you left Ben and Carol to cover for you?
Carol: Mike?
Mike: I was in here first dog breath.
Maggie: Mike, don't call your sister names.
Mike: All right.
Carol: Mom he has been in there all morning and he says he is going to stay in through breakfast.
Maggie: Mike, you don't want breakfast?
Mike: No breakfast this morning mom.
Maggie: What are you doing in there?
Mike: Whatever it is it sure smells good.
Maggie: What?
Carol: Ah, what do you know Ben; the telephone is ringing at 7:59 exactly.
Ben: Oh.
Maggie: Carol?
Carol: I got it. Hello.
Mike: Yeah, I am really enjoying my five hours here in Denver. Why am I whispering?
Carol: Mike telephone!
Mike: I'll take it upstairs.
Maggie: Carol, who is on the phone?
Carol: Mike. Umm... and Bonner, he is calling over to Bonner's house.
Jason: Wait a minute. Mike?
Mike: Oh, dad!
Jason: You're not going anywhere Mr. '
Mike: I'm not?
Ben: Who is dad talking to?
Maggie: Mike.
Ben: Bye.
Jason: Don't worry, he I not taking off until he does his share of the shoveling.
Mike: Well dad that is going to be a little tough.
Jason: Mike I want to see you outside in five minutes no excuses. Say goodbye Bonner.
Mike: Uh, goodbye Dr. Seaver.
Mike: Hey look, I am not the only con artist in this house. How about Benny here, he started to get through more that I did.
Ben: Hello God.
Mike: What are you doing?
Ben: I happen to be praying for money.
Mike: Ben you can't pray for money, believe me I have tried. You actually think God is going to send you a check or something?
Ben: Amen.
Woman: Money for the needy.
Ben: Thanks.
Ben: Come on, let's not forget about Carol.
Carol: Me? I have never pulled a scam in my life.
Maggie: Oh, what about the time you tried to fool that recruiter from Boston College.
Jason: And Mike pulled in some bum off the street to play me, in a challenging dual role.
Recruiter: I'm sorry your wife won't be joining us this evening.
Bum: Oh yes, I am sick about the fact that Mickey can't be here.
Recruiter: Isn't it Maggie?
Bum: Yeah, Mickey is just my pet name for her when we are in the sack.
Recruiter: Well Carol, let me begin by saying that your high school grades are nothing short of spectacular.
Carol: Thank you.
Mike: Yeah, and can you believe he got those straight A's after missing six whole months because of reform school.
Recruiter: Reform school?
Carol: Little misunderstanding over a knife.
Bum: We are damn proud of the little slut.
Carol: Ok, so one little scam no one got hurt.
Chrissy: I have never done stuff like that I have always been a perfect angel.
Maggie: Oh, well what about the time you threw that tantrum because you thought we were all playing around after you went to bed?
Carol: Yeah?
Chrissy: Can I help it if I have a health imagination?
Chrissy: Its not fair, how come I have to go to bed and everyone else gets to stay up and have fun. I hear you laughing; I know what you do, wait around till Chrissy goes to bed and then party, party, party.
Jason: Well I guess Chrissy must be asleep by now.
Maggie: What do you want to do tonight?
Jason: Oh, I don't know. Want to play Barbie's?
Maggie: Kate, Mike we are going to play Barbie's, do you want to join us?
Leonardo: I got to go, Chrissy's asleep and the fun is starting!
Maggie: Boys, boys, if you are going to jump on the sofa you have got to jump harder, the springs need the action!
Mike: Where did you get these? They are gorgeous!
Jason: Santa Clause brought them! Just waiting for a special occasion.
Maggie: I want to play something else. I know tea party!
Kate: I want to play dress up!
Leonardo: Oh, rump rope, jump rope!
Jason: We have time for everything, we have all night.
Maggie: Who wants cavities? Ok, I brought you some vegetables.
Mike: Oh mom, are you crazy?
Kate: Not for eating, for throwing.
Carol: Hey are you guys playing without Chrissy again?
Everyone: Yeah!!
Carol: Great because look what I brought! Pony rides for everyone!
Jason: Well I don't mean to break up the fun, but we have got a long drive to Washington. Guess we had better hit the road.
Mike: Yeah I have got to go break in my new landlord.
Carol: Dwight is driving me to my dorm.
Chrissy: Can't we stay and see what the new people look like?
Ben: I'd rather not know.
Carol: Me either.
Maggie: Oh come on, we had better get moving.
Carol: Goodbye.