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Guess what I did today?
猜猜我今天干了啥
Jesus?
干了耶稣吗
What do you think?
你觉得呢
I think the bed still isn't built.
我觉得床还没装好
No but it's almost finished.
没错 但是也快完工了
Notice anything different about me?
发现我有什么不一样吗
I have answer.
我知道答案
You had boob job.
你隆胸了
Your "B"s have turned into "C"s
你的罩杯由B升级到C了
and for that I give you an "A."
对此 我要给你一个A
No I had my uniform altered.
不 我把制服改了
Yes life dealt me a bad uniform
没错 人生扔给我一套不合身的制服
but with a little vision
但是发挥一下想象力
I can shape it the way it works best for me.
我可以把它改到最能展现我身段的样子
That should be a tip in your inspirational book
你要是写励志书 可以写上这个
which I'm guessing is called
温馨小贴士
cutting pictures out of magazines
"从杂志上剪图片"
isn't just for serial killers anymore.
"再不是连环杀手的专利"
And this is exciting... look.
还有一件高兴的事 瞧
The other really important thing I did today...
今天我做的另一件重要的事
made us business cards.
就是给咱们印了名片
Now you can give one to Peach
现在你可以拿去给琵琪
and throw our hat into the party ring.
让她把咱们列入候选名单中
You're her babysitter. You already have a connection.
你是她的保姆 还能走个后门
Yeah a connection to her babies' asses.
对啊 直通她宝宝的"后门"
See? That's your limited vision.
瞧 这就是你不敢做梦
Plus Peach is interviewing this gay guy
再说了 琵琪正在面试一个基佬
who used to work for Martha Stewart.
人家以前可是为玛莎·斯图尔特工作呢
I mean gay Martha Stewart... we can't top that.
又基又认识玛莎·斯图尔特 怎么跟人比啊
Just give her the cards. We have to start somewhere.
就把卡片给她嘛 我们必须得开个头
See? "Max's homemade cupcakes."
瞧 "麦克斯自制蛋糕"
And look... "Max Black owner/baker."
还有 "麦克斯·布莱克 店主兼糕点师"
"Owner/baker"?
"店主兼糕点师"
That's pretty cool.
挺酷啊
See? There it is.
瞧 这就是
It's real.
梦想照进现实
But the name sucks a big one.
但是这名字太恶心了
"Homemade"... it sounds like homeschooled
"自制" 听起来像在家自学
like we're churning out cupcakes
我们像是在生产
that aren't comfortable around other people.
孤僻不合群的蛋糕
Or it sounds delicious.
也听起来很美味啊
And the cupcake on the card has a cherry on it.
而且名片上的小蛋糕还有颗樱桃
My cupcakes don't have a cherry...
我的"阴桃"早在我十三岁的时候
haven't since I was 13.
就被人"破"掉了
