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Did it light? No.
点着了吗？没有
Try another one. The gas is on.
再试一次，瓦斯还开着呢
Why are we throwing fire at an oven?
为什么要对烤箱丢火柴啊
Is this a poor people game?
这是穷人的娱乐游戏吗
Yeah, it's called light the broken pilot light without blowing our faces off!
是啊，这叫"烤箱打火器坏掉，瞎点怕会毁容的悲催游戏"
This is ridiculous. My heart is pounding.
太蠢了吧，害人家小心肝怦怦跳
I didn't know baking cupcakes was an extreme sport.
现在才知道，烤小蛋糕也是种极限运动
It's like the Deadliest Batch.
就好比《致命烘培》
See? A slight hint of gas in the air makes everything funnier.
看到没，吸入少量外泄瓦斯会让你觉得什么事都好笑
Now there's too much gas.
现在外泄太多了
If we threw a math in there now, I'd be out a nose or a pair of eyebrows.
如果现在丢火柴，估计我的鼻子或眉毛就完蛋了
And I'm not living through that again.
我不要回归"无眉"的日子
Again?
回归
When I was a little girl, I was trying to make a Hungry Man dinner.
我小时候试图烤过一次冷冻晚餐包
And I lit the pilot light too soon and whoosh!
结果点火太快，火光一闪
No eyebrows.
眉毛没了
Had to draw them on in magic marker.
不得不用油性笔画眉毛
Only Mexican girls would talk to me.
结果只有粗眉的墨西哥女孩愿意跟我说话
Max, we have a cupcake business.
麦克斯，我们有生意要做
We have to tell the landlord we need a new oven.
必须让房东给我们换个新烤箱
We can't ask the landlord for a new oven.
我们不能跟房东要个新烤箱
Then he'll ask us stuff like "who are you?
不然他会问"你是谁"
why is your name not on the lease, and where's the rent?"
"你的名字怎么没在租约上，该交的房租呢"
Well, I'll buy us one.
好吧，我出钱买
Really? You're gonna buy us a whole oven?
是吗，你要给咱们买个新烤箱
We're so poor I have a sock that I refer to as my good sock
我穷的连丢失一只的那双袜子都能称它为"好的那双"呢
I've been saving something for an emergency,
我藏了点私货以备不时之需
Like a burst appendix or a first date bikini wax.
比如急性盲肠炎，或首次约会的除毛费
I knew it!
我就知道
You have a secret stash of your father's missing billions.
你老爸的亿万家财肯定被你私藏了不少
We're rich!
我们发达啦
Wait, it's other people's money.
等等，那都是别人的血汗钱
Yeah, but I didn't steal it. We're rich!
不过又不是我偷的，发达啦
They're my expensive rings.
这些是我的名贵戒指
So if these are your expensive rings,
如果这些才是你的名贵戒指
What's all that other stuff you wear?
那你平常戴的是啥
Cheaper copies. You never wear the good stuff out in public.
便宜复制品。才不会把名贵戒指戴出门呢
Got it, kind of like hiding the Banana republic, and wearing the Gap.
懂了，就像是高档潮牌留家中，平民潮牌穿出门
See how special?
看，多别致啊
They're all one-of-a-kind from
每个都是独一无二的
Thomas Aristotle Thomas. T.A.T. TAT.
托马斯·亚里斯多德·托马斯戒指，简称托托戒
What?
什么
Tat rings. You've never heard of TAT rings?
托托戒啊，你没听说过托托戒吗
Oh! TAT rings. No.
哇，托托戒，没听过
I guess it's the kind of thing that only people in the know know, you know?
我想这东西应该只有懂行的人才懂，懂吗
No.
不懂
Make all the jokes you want,
随你怎么笑话
but I only have to sell one of these, and I can get us a new oven.
不过，我只要卖掉其中一个，就够钱给我们买新烤箱了
Any ideas what kind we should get?
要什么款式，有想法吗
Uh, yeah, you're not the only one with a secret stash.
当然有，又不是只有你才藏有私货
It's the Bluestar.
这款叫蓝色之星
It's the TAT rings of ovens. In purple!
是烤箱界的托托戒啦！还是紫色的
That's right, I said purple.
没错，我就是说紫色的
It's the muscle car of ovens. It's bad-ass!
这是烤箱界的肌肉猛车，绝对霸气啊
It's so bad-ass when I do karaoke I change the lyrics from purple rain to purple range.
霸气到我去唱卡啦OK时，我把歌词"紫雨"都改成了"紫款"了
Great, we'll get this one.
很好，那就买这个吧
Uh, we can't buy that. It's too expensive.
买不起，太贵了
This is just something you fantasize about. It's kitchen porn.
这种梦幻烤箱只能意淫一下。就像厨具黄片
Fine. Tomorrow we'll go to the Cash for Gold store.
好吧。明天咱们就去当铺当戒指
And get a regular oven and get cookin'.
然后买个普通烤箱回家开烤烤哟
I think the funny gas is gone.
瓦斯散光了，害我冷场
Must be time. I'm going in.
时机已到，重赴沙场
Let me do it, my eyebrows need to waxed anyway.
让我来吧，我的眉毛也该修了
Hurry up! The gas is on! Throw the match in!
快点，瓦斯开着呢，丢火柴进去啊
Did it light? No, but my foot is on fire.
点着了吗？你成功点着了我的脚
I'll do it.
我来吧
You're good. You're good.
你眉毛还在。你眉毛还在
