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Joey: See, now it's weird again.
现在又变怪了。
Chandler: I think it’s great that you work here. You’re going to make a lot of money, and here’s your first tip: Don’t eat yellow snow. Ah ha ha, 2:15, coffeehouse.
你来这里工作是好事，你会赚大钱，给你一个忠告，不要学坏。2点15分，咖啡馆。
Rachel: Well, you know what? This is great. Finally, I have someone I can pass on my wisdom too.
太好了，总算有人能传承我的智慧。
Rachel: Let me tell you about a couple of things I learned while working at the coffeehouse.
告诉你几件我在这里学到的事。
Rachel: First of all, the customer is always right. A smile goes a long way. And if anyone is ever rude to you? Sneeze muffin.
首先，顾客永远是对的，微笑能让你无往不利，有人对你不客气就朝松饼打喷嚏。
Joey: Thanks, Rach. Look, you guys are just terrific. Y’ know? Now, how about clearing out of here so I can get some new customers. It’s all about turnover.
谢了，你们对我真好。可不可以清场，好让别的客人进来？有流动才有商机。
Ross: Joey, seriously, can I get my coffee?
乔伊，我要的咖啡呢。
Joey: Oh, I’m sorry, Ross. I’ll get it for you right now. And since I made you wait, I’ll toss in a free muffin.
抱歉，马上来。我送你一块松饼做补偿。
Rachel: Phoebe. We would like to talk to you for a second.
菲比，我们想跟你谈谈。
Phoebe: Okay.
好。
Monica: So, maybe I am a little high maintenance. And maybe Rachel is a little bit of a pushover. But you know what we decided you are?
或许我是有点难搞，或许瑞秋是有点没个性，但你知道你是什么吗？
Rachel: Yes, we are very sorry to tell you this, but you, Phoebe, are flaky.
很抱歉这么说，但是你，菲比，是个怪人。
Monica: Hah!
哈！
Phoebe: That true, I am flaky.
没错，我是很怪。
Rachel: So, what, you’re just, you’re just okay with being flaky?
所以你怪也无所谓？
Phoebe: Yeah, totally.
完全无所谓。
Monica: Well, then, I’m okay with being high maintenance.
那我难搞也无所谓。
Rachel: Yeah, and I am okay with being a pushover.
我没个性也无所谓。
Phoebe: That’s great. Good for you guys.
太好了，无所谓就好。
Monica: I am not high maintenance!
我才不难搞！
Rachel: I am not a pushover!
我才没有没个性！
Phoebe: Who said you were?
谁说你们是了？
Monica and Rachel: You did!
你啊！
Phoebe: Oh, I’m flaky. I’ll say anything.
我是怪人，专门乱说话。
Joey: Hey, Gunther. Can you uh, can you cover for me? I just got an audition.
甘瑟可不可以替我一下，我接到试镜通知。
Gunther: No, I’m leaving to get my hair dyed.
不行，我要去染头发。
Joey: Really? ! I like your natural color.
是吗？我喜欢你的自然色。
Joey: Come on man, it’s a great part. Look, check it out. I’m the lead guy’s best friend and I wait for him in this bar and save his seat. Listenlisten. ‘I’m sorry, that seat’s saved.’
拜托啦，这是个好角色我演男主角的好友，在酒吧帮他占位子，你听抱歉，这个位子有人。
Gunther: That’s the whole part?
就这样？
Joey: Okay, maybe he’s not his best friend, but …
或许不是他的好友，但是……
Gunther: Okay, I’ll see you in an hour.
1小时后见。
Joey: Oh, man, I could totally get that part. ‘I’m sorry, that seat is taken.’
上帝啊，我绝对能拿到那个角色“抱歉，这个位子有人。”
Patron: Oh, excuse me.
抱歉。
Joey: No, no, I didn’t mean you.
不，我不是说你。
Joey: But, you believed me, huh?
但你以为是真的吧？
Patron: I believed you were saving this seat for someone.
我以为你在帮别人占位。
Joey: So, you’d hire me, right?
所以你会雇用我啰？
Patron: For what?
用你干嘛？
Joey: Exactly! All right, everybody, listen up. The coffeehouse is going to be closed for about an hour.
就是说嘛……各位请注意，本店要暂停营业1小时。
Customers: Huh? What?
什么？
Joey: Yeah, it’s for the kids. To keep the kids off drugs. It’s a very important issue in this month’s Playboy. I’m sure you all read about it.
好帮助孩子们远离毒品，这是本期花花公子的重要报导，各位一定都看过。
Joey: Hey! Hey! Don't you wanna keep guns away from kids?
你不想让孩子们远离枪支吗？
Customer: You said "drugs."
你刚才说毒品。
Joey: It's a vicious cycle. Get out!
这是恶性循环，滚啦！
Joey: Go!
快点！
Ross: It's my joke.
那是我的笑话。
Chandler: It's my joke.
是我的。
Ross and Chandler: It's my joke.
是我的。
Ross: You know, I don't think we're gonna settle this.
我们再吵也吵不出结果。
Chandler: Let's have Monica decide.
让莫妮卡决定吧。
Ross: Yeah!
好。
Chandler: Yeah!
好。
Ross: Hey Mon.
嘿！莫妮卡。
Chandler: Mon, get out here!
莫妮卡，出来一下！
Ross: Monica!
莫妮卡！
Chandler: Ok, ok. You have to help us decide whose joke this is.
你来决定这个笑话是谁的。
Monica: Why do I have to decide?
为什么要我决定？
Chandler: Because you're the only one that can be fair.
因为你才能客观公正。
Ross: Yeah.
是！
Monica: I can't be fair. You're my boyfriend.
我不能，你是我的男朋友。
Ross: Yeah yeah, but I'm your brother. We're family. That's the most important thing in the world.
但我是你哥哥，我们是家人，世上最重要的就是亲情。
Chandler: Don't try to sway her. I'm your only chance to have a baby.
不要想左右她。只有我能让你生小孩。
Chandler: Ok, let's go.
我们开始吧！
Ross: All right, um, ok, we'll, we'll each tell you um, how we came up with the joke and then you decide which one of us is telling the truth me.
我们会说出这个笑话的由来。你再决定谁说的是实话…是我。
Monica: Chandler, you go first.
钱德，你先。
Chandler: Ok, I thought of the joke two months ago, at lunch with Steve.
好，我是2个月前，跟史提夫吃饭时想到的。
Monica: Oh, wait, is he the guy that I met at Christmas?
就是圣诞节遇见的那家伙吗？
Chandler: Can I finish my story? !
让我说完好吗？
Monica: Do you want me to pick you?
你要我选你吗？
Ross: See, I would never snap at you like that.
我绝对不会那样凶你。
Monica: Continue.
请继续。
Chandler: Ok. So Steve said he had to go to the doctor. And Steve's doctor's name is Doctor Muppy.
好的。史提夫说他去看医生，他的医生姓侯奇。
Chandler: So I said, 'Doctor Monkey?' And that is how the whole Doctor Monkey thing came up.
我说“猴子医生？” 所以才会有猴子医生这个笑话。
Ross: Are you kidding? Ok, look. I I study evolution. Remember, evolution? Monkey into man? Plus, I'm a doctor, and I had a monkey. I'm Doctor Monkey!
你开什么玩笑我是念进化论的，记得吧？进化。猴子进化成人？况且我是博士，我还养过猴子，我是猴子博士。
Chandler: I'm not arguing with that.
这点我不跟你争。
Monica: All right, I've heard enough. I've made my decision.
好，可以了，我决定好了。
Chandler: Okay, so what. .?
太好了，结果是什么？
Ross: Do tell.
快说。
Monica: You are both idiots. The joke is not funny, and it's offensive to women, and doctors, and monkeys!
你们两个都是白痴。那个笑话不但不好笑，还冒犯了女性，还有医生，还有猴子！
Monica: All right, you you shouldn't be arguing over who gets credit, you should be arguing over who gets blamed for inflicting this horrible joke upon the world!
你们不该争笑话是谁的，应该争是谁让这世界受这种罪。
Monica: Now let it go! The joke sucks!
别再争了，那个笑话烂透了！
Ross: It's your joke.
那是你的笑话。
Chandler: It's not.
才不是。
Monica: My God, Chandler, there you are.
钱德，你在这里。
Chandler: Hi, oh hi.
嗨，哦，嗨。
Monica: Hey, it's Phoebe and Rachel. Hey, why don't you tell them um, what you were telling me earlier about me not being high maintenance?
是菲比和瑞秋。你要不要告诉她们，你刚才说我并不难搞？
Chandler: Monica is a self sufficient, together lady. Being with her has been like being on a vacation.
莫妮卡是个自信沉着的女性，跟她在一起就像在度假。
Chandler: And what may be perceived as high maintenance is merely attention to details and generosity of spirit.
至于所谓的难搞，只是注重小细节和……心灵的慷慨。
Rachel: Wow, you know what? That is the best fake speech I think I've ever heard.
这真是我所听过最棒的假话。
Phoebe: Really? I've heard better.
真的？我听过更棒的。
Monica: Wait, wait, he came up with that himself. Tell them, Chandler.
等等，那是他自己说的，你告诉她们。
Chandler: I'm out of words. Should I just say the whole thing again?
我已经没词了，可以重复吗？
Monica: Look, I am not high maintenance. I am not. Chandler!
我一点也不难搞，一点也不，钱德！
Chandler: You're a little high maintenance.
你是有点难搞。
Monica: Ahhh! You, are on my list.
你上黑名单了。
Chandler: Sorry. But you're not, you're not easy going, but you're you're passionate, and that's good.
对不起，你并不好相处，但你很热情，这样很好。
Chandler: And when you get upset about the little things, I think that I'm pretty good, at making you feel better about that.
当你为小事不高兴时，我觉得我很能安抚你的。
Chandler: And that's good too. So, they can say that you're high maintenance, but it's ok, because I like...maintaining you.
那样也很好，所以她们说你难搞也行，因为我喜欢……搞定你。
Monica: I didn't even tell him to say that.
我没叫他说这些。
Monica: All right, you're off my list.
你从黑名单除名了。
Chandler: I'm off the list.
我除名了。
Monica: Phoebe, it's ok that you don't want me to be your girlfriend, because I have the best boyfriend.
菲比，你不找我当女朋友也没关系，因为我有最棒的男朋友。
Phoebe: You know, suddenly I find you very attractive.
我突然觉得你好迷人。
Chandler: Hey, buddy boy, how'd the audition go?
兄弟，试镜结果如何？
Joey: Oh, not good, no. I I didn't get the part, and uh, I lost my job here, so...
不好，我没拿到那个角色，这里的工作也没了，所以……
Phoebe: Wow! That is a bad audition.
好惨烈的试镜。
Rachel: How how did you lose your job here?
这里的工作为什么没了？
Joey: Well, I had the audition, but Gunther said I had to stay here and be in charge so he could go get his hair dyed. So, I went anyway, and then he fired me.
我要去试镜，但甘瑟叫我留下，他好去染头发。但我还是去了，他就炒我鱿鱼。
Rachel: He left work in the middle of the day to do a personal errand and left you in charge when you've been working here for two days?
他扔下工作去办私事，叫才来2天的你留下负责？
Rachel: That's not, that's not right.
这样不对吧。
Joey: Yeah, what're you gonna do?
但是能怎么办？
Rachel: Joey, you can’t let him get away with that. Well you know what, I'm not gonna let him get away with that.
乔伊，你不能就这么算了。
Rachel: I'm gonna say something to him No, I really shouldn't say anything No, I should say something to him.
我绝不放过他，我要去教训他不，我不该多事不，我要去教训他。
Rachel: Gunther, I want you to give Joey his job back. That is really not fair that you have to fire him...
甘瑟，让乔伊继续在这里打工。你这样解雇他一点也不……
Gunther: Ok.
好。
Rachel: What?
什么？
Gunther: He can have his job back.
他可以继续打工。
Rachel: That's right, he can have his job back. Glad we got that all straightened out. There you go, Joey, you got your job back.
没错，他可以继续打工，很高兴我们讲通了，好了，你可以继续打工了。
Joey: That's great. Thanks Rach.
太好了，谢谢你。
Rachel: Yeah, pretty nice, huh? Now who's a pushover?
不赖吧？谁没个性了？
Phoebe: Rach, you're in my seat.
你坐到我的位子了。
Rachel: I'm sorry.
抱歉。
Phoebe: Hey, I never got to hear who you guys would pick to be your girlfriend.
你们都没说会找谁当女朋友。
Monica: Aw, I'd pick you, Phoebe.
我选你。
Rachel: Oh, yeah. Definitely you, Pheebs.
没错，绝对是你。
Phoebe: Yeah, well, I kinda thought.
我也这么觉得。
Chandler: Hey.
绝不可能。
Rachel: Hey.
肯定选你。
Rachel: Oh, I have a question. If if if one of you had to pick one of the other two guys to go out with, who would you pick?
我有一个问题，如果要找另外两个人当男朋友，你们会找谁？
Ross: No way.
少来。
Joey: I’m not answering that.
我拒绝回答。
Chandler: Joey!
乔伊！
Chandler: No way. I'm not answering that.
我不会回答的。
