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Monica: Okay. Here we go.
好的，来吧。
Chandler: Good luck.
祝好运。
Monica: Tongue, really?
你在舌吻？
Laura: Hi, I am Laura, I am here for your adoption interview.
我叫劳拉，我来做领养家访。
Monica: Hi, I am Monica, and this is Chandler.
我叫莫妮卡，他叫钱德。
Laura: Hi.
嗨。
Monica: Please come in.
请进。
Laura: Thank you!
谢谢！
Monica: Would you like something to drink?
请进。喝点什么？
Laura: Oh, water would be fine.
喝水可以了。
Monica: Ok. Great. We're so glad that you're here. We're really excited about getting this process started.
你总算来了。我们好兴奋，要开始领养小孩了。
Chandler: Because we love kids. Loving to death. Well, not actually to death, that's just a figure of speech: we love kids the appropriate amount...as allowed by law.
我们爱小孩，爱得要死。不是要孩子"死"，只是修辞手法，我们爱孩子，不多不少，符合法律法规。
Laura: Your place is just lovely.
你们家好温馨。
Monica: Ah, thank you. Yes this building does have a wholesome family feel to it.
谢谢。这里有家的温暖。
Laura: You know, I...I feel like I've been here before. Are any other couples in the building adopting?
我好象来过，这里还有谁申请领养？
Monica: Is that that couple on the first floor? Because we should get a baby before them. Yeah! That guy tried to sell me drugs.
一楼那家？我们应该比他们先要孩子。他还想卖毒品给我。
Chandler: But other than that...wholesome, wholesome building.
其他都是好人。
Laura: Oh.
哦。
Chandler: What?
怎么？
Laura: I just realized why I remember this place.
我想起来了，难怪来过。
Monica: Really? What is it?
怎么？
Laura: Oh, it's nothing. I went on a date with a guy who lived in this building and it didn't end very well.
哦，没什么！我和一个男人约会，结果无疾而终。
Monica: That wouldn't by any chance be...Joey Tribbiani?
那人该不是叫乔伊崔比亚尼吧？
Laura: Yes!
就是他！
Chandler: Of course it was!
当然是他。
Laura: Yeah, we had a really great night and in the morning he promised he would call me and he didn't.
我们有过一个很棒的晚上，过后，他说他再打电话给我，结果再没联络！
Chandler: Rat bastard! So you're not friends with him?
这混球！你们该不是他朋友吧？
Monica: Oh, God, no.
当然不是！不！
Chandler: no.
不是！
Monica and Chandler: No, no, no, no. No! No, no. Nope! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. NO! No!
不不不不不...
Laura: Well, I'm sorry I brought it up. So, are either one of you planning on staying at home...
抱歉提这事。那么，你们当中有人打算待在家里...
Joey: Hello? Anybody in there ordered a celebrity.
有人吗？名人驾到。
Laura: What was that?
什么人？
Chandler: Oh, it's just some crazy guy who roams the halls here. He's great with kids though.
走廊上的疯子，不过他对小孩很慈祥。
Rachel: Oh, God, Ross, oh my God, are you ok?
罗斯，噢，天啊，你还好吗？
Ross: Son of a bitch! Oh relax! I didn't say the 'F' word!
他娘的！别紧张，我又没说F打头那个字（fuck）！
Rachel: Ross, see! I told you, those swings are evil! Alright, that is it. That is the last time Emma is getting on one of those things for her entire life.
罗斯，看，早告诉你了，秋千危险算了，这辈子再也不许艾玛接近它。
Ross: No! No, no, no, no, ok, it wasn't the swing's fault. It was my fault and kind of that kid's fault. Who is still laughing. Nice.
别这样，不是秋千的错，是我错，还有他的错。他还笑，算你狠。
Rachel: Ross, come on, please. Can we just get out of here, before somebody else gets hurt?
在再有人受伤之前，我们走吧。
Ross: No wait, ok, ok, I have an idea. I want you to get on the swing, ok? And...and you'll see that there's nothing to be afraid of.
这样吧，你去荡秋千，你就会…发现那有多安全。
Rachel: I know what this is all about...You've always been jealous of my hair.
我明白了...你一贯嫉妒我的头发。
Ross: Look, I just think you're an adult, ok? And and you should get over your silly fears.
这才是成年人的做法，克服愚蠢的恐惧。
Rachel: Alright fine. I'll do it.
好！我要做。
Ross: Good.
好！
Rachel: If you hold a spider.
如果你敢抓蜘蛛。
Ross: Where? ! Where? !
在哪儿？
Rachel: If you hold a spider.
我说"如果"你敢抓蜘蛛。
Ross: I know.
听见了。
Joey: Guys? Is everything ok? It's me, Joe...
没事吧？是我，乔…
Chandler: Adoption!
领养！
Laura: What's going on?
到底什么事？
Chandler: Oh, just like I said. That crazy...Bert...roaming the halls.
就是那个疯子名叫伯特的，在走廊上跑。
Joey: Guys!
嗨！
Monica: Keep on roaming Bert! We don't want any crazy today!
伯特，接着跑。今天我们不看你疯了！
Laura: Is he all right there by himself?
他独自一个在外面，不会出事吧？
Chander: Oh, yeah. He has a caretaker. His older brother...Ernie.
没事，他哥哥照顾他...叫厄尼。
Laura: Bert and Ernie?
伯特和厄尼？(芝麻街的动画角色)？
Chandler: You can't make this stuff up.
绝对不是编造的。
Joey: What's going on?
怎么了？
Chandler: We'll talk later! Everything's fine!
我们等会再说伯特，一切都好！
Joey: Everything doesn't sound fine!
听起来一切都不好！
Chandler: Bert and Ernie have a big yellow bird.
伯特和厄尼有一只大黄鸟！
Mike: You never told me about that guy on your sweet sixteen. Oh, I'm sorry about that.
你没说过你16岁时被男人追杀的故事。真可怜。
Phoebe: Oh, it ended okay. One of my friends shot him.
结局还算好，我朋友毙了他。
Mike: Well, hey, at least you're getting a proper wedding. I mean, you really deserve that.
至少你会有个体面婚礼，你该得的。
Phoebe: Yeah, I really do. You know, I had nothing growing up. Just like the kids I took the money from.
没错，我这辈子还没风光过。就像被我剥夺金钱的那些孩子一样。
Mike: No! No, no. I see where this is going. Don't make me go back there.
看出你的意思了，别又想让我退回去。
Phoebe: I'm sorry, but I wanna re-give the money to the children.
抱歉，但我又想把钱给孩子们了。
Mike: But we CAN'T! I mean you called the guy a sweaty little man. Unless you were talking about me, I don't know. We never really cleared that up.
但是我们不能，我是说你管那男人叫流汗男，除非你在说我，我们从没说清楚过那件事。
Phoebe: Look, I can't have a wedding with this money now. It's tainted.
我不能用这钱办婚事，这不道德。
Mike: Alright, fine. We'll give the money back.
好吧，退回去吧。
Phoebe: And if that guy at the charity gives us a hard time, my friend hasn't shot anyone in a really long time.
如果慈善捐助处那家伙又叫咱们难堪，我朋友好久没开过枪了。
Laura: Well, I must say, this seems like a lovely environment to raise a child in.
我想说，你们的家庭抚养小孩似乎很理想。
Monica: Oh, by the way, you are more than welcome to look under any of the furniture, because, believe me, you won't find any porn or cigarettes under there!
你尽可以在各种家具下面搜查绝无黄书和香烟什么的！
Laura: Oh! actually, before we look around, let me make sure I have everything I need up to here.
在到处看看之前，要问你们一些问题。
Monica: Why don't I show you the baby's room?
带你看看婴儿房。
Chandler: What the hell are you doing?
你干什么？
Joey: Well, you wouldn't let me in, so I thought you were in trouble.
你不让我进来。我以为你们出事了。
Chandler: Well, we're not.
才没有！
Joey: But you called me Bert! That's our code word for danger!
但你叫我"伯特"，那是"危险"的暗号。
Chandler: We don't have a code word.
我们没约定过什么暗号。
Joey: We don't? We really should. From now on, Bert will be our code word for danger.
是吗？应该约一个从今往后，"伯特"就用来作为遇到危险的暗号。
Monica: So that was the baby's room.
参观完婴儿房。
Monica: What room should we see next?
下面参观哪里？
Chandler: Any room that isn't behind this couch!
除了沙发下面都可以参观！
Monica: Some people don't get him, but I think he's really funny!
有些人不懂他的笑话，但我觉得他真幽默。
Joey: I did not care for that.
我不在乎被你粗暴对待。
Chandler: You have to get out of here. You slept with our social worker and you never called her back and she is still pissed, so she can't see you.
你得回避你和这个社工睡过，再没联络她她还在生你的气，不能让她见你。
Joey: Ok, ok!
好，好！
Chandler: Ok.
好！
Chandler: What?
怎么了？
Joey: I forgot my bat.
忘了拿球棒。
Laura: Oh my God!
天啊！
Chandler: And for the last time, we do not want to be friends with you! And we don't wanna buy your bat!
最后警告，我们不想和你做朋友！也不想买你的球棒！
Laura: What are you doing here?
你在这儿干什么？
Joey: Bert! Bert! Bert!
伯特，伯特，伯特。
Laura: Are you friends with him?
你们是朋友？
Chandler: I can explain...Joey.
我来解释...乔伊你说。
Joey: Uh...ok...uh...Well, yeah...You, have got some nerve, coming back here. I can't believe you never called me.
好吧！你有种，还敢回来。你竟不打电话给我。
Laura: Excuse me?
什么？
Joey: Oh...yeah...Probably you don't even remember my name. It's Joey, by the way. And don't bother telling me yours, because I totally remember it...lady. Yeah! I waited weeks for you to call me.
你连我名字也忘了，我叫乔伊。不必说你的名字，我记得，女士！我一直等你电话。
Laura: I gave you my number, you never called me.
我给你电话号码，你没联络我。
Joey: No, no! Don't try to turn this around on me, ok? I'm not some kinda...social work, ok, that you can just...do.
还想栽赃给我，我可不是让你想做就做的＂社工＂.
Laura: Well, I'm pretty sure I gave you my number.
我确信给过你电话。
Joey: Really? Think about it. Come on! You're a beautiful woman, smart, funny, we had a really good time, huh? If I had your number, why wouldn't I call you?
真的？你想想看。你漂亮，聪明，有趣咱们相处甚欢，如果我有你电话，怎么可能不打给你？
Laura: I don't know. Well, maybe I'm wrong. I'm sorry...
不知道，可能我搞错了，对不起...
Joey: No, no, hey, no! Too late for apologies...ok? You broke my heart. You know how many women I had to sleep with to get over you?
现在道歉太晚啦，你伤了我的心！就为了忘掉你，我睡了多少女人啊！
Laura: Joey, wait!
乔伊，等等。
Joey: NO! I waited a long time, I can't wait anymore.
不！我等得够久，不可能再等了。
Laura: I'm sorry that you had to see that. I'm so embarrassed.
抱歉让你们笑话了，真尴尬。
Chandler: Oh, that's really ok.
没事。
Monica: Yeah, that we totally understand. Dating is hard.
我们理解。约会可够人受的。
Laura: Boy, you people are nice. And I've got to say...I think you're going to make excellent parents.
你们真好！我得说…你们一定会是很棒的父母。
Joey: Laura!
劳拉！
Phoebe: We're back!
我们回来啦。
Charity guy: Are you here to take more money? Because, I think what you're looking for is an ATM.
还想要钱？你们应该找提款机。
Mike: No, no, we're here to give the money back.
不不，我们把钱退给你们。
Phoebe: Yeah, because you know what, it's...it's all about the children.
为了孩子。
Phoebe: Although...it's also about the wedding...Ugh, alright...here. No...Oh God...Oh!
至于我们的婚礼好吧，给。不要！喔天啊！
Charity guy: If I haven't said so already sir, congratulations!
好像忘了道喜，恭喜你们。
Phoebe: Oh wait, wait! What if, what if we give half to the charity and we keep half? Or, no, like, 75 percent for us and 25 percent for the children...Or, no, like, 90-10.
哦，等等。如果我们捐一半留一半呢？或者，就象我们留75%，而另外25%... 或者，90%和10%.
Mike: Ok, you know what? Enough! Alright? I'm stepping in. I'm putting my foot down! As your future husband I'm going to make this decision for us. Now, what do you think we should do?
好啦！你知道吗？已经够了，好吗？我要插手，而且做决定作为你的未来老公，我要说了算你说咋办？
Charity guy: You know what? It's not your decision anymore.
不是你们说了算了。
Mike: What?
什么？
Charity guy: On behalf of the Children of New York, I reject your money.
代表纽约儿童，我拒收你们的捐款。
Phoebe: But, we're...we're giving you this!
但是我们在给你钱啊。
Charity guy: Yeah...And I'm giving it back to you...Come on! Consider it a contribution.
退给你们当作赞助好了。
Phoebe: Well, this is very generous!
你真大方！
Charity guy: Please, take the check, go have a great wedding and a wonderful life together.
支票拿走，祝你们婚礼成功，幸福甜蜜。
Mike: Well, I mean...It sounds good to me. And that way we can save up, come back in a few years and make an even bigger donation.
听来不错，我们以后存了钱，过两年捐更多。
Charity guy: Absolutely! And when you do, make sure you ask for Brian.
好得很，下次记得找布莱恩。
Phoebe: Oh, is that you?
布莱恩是你？
Charity guy: No!
不！
Monica: Hello? Oh hi! Oh my God! Really? I can't wait to tell Chandler. Ok, goodbye.
喂？哦，嗨！喂，天啊，真的，我等不及要告诉钱德好，再见！
Chandler: Wrong number?
打错电话的？
Monica: It was Laura. She gave us a great report and we are officially on the waiting list.
是劳拉她替我们大大美言，我们正式上了领养排队名单。
Chandler: That's great!
太好了！
Monica: Now we just have to wait for a call and...and someone tells us there's a baby waiting for us. Ohh.
下个电话就会有人说有宝宝等我们去领养了。
Chandler: Hello? Have you seen Joey's bat?
喂？看见乔伊的球棒了吗？
Rachel: Ok. I got a spider. There were two, I picked the bigger one.
好了，我捉到了蜘蛛！有两只，我挑了大的一只。
Ross: Ok...
好的...
Rachel: Good.
好的。
Ross: This feels perfectly normal. Ok, get on the swing!
感觉一切正常。好了，你上秋千去。
Rachel: Ok. Ok...
好啊。好...
Rachel: Ok! Whoo. Ok.
好啊！
Ross: See?
看到了吗？
Rachel: Alright! I can do this.
啊，没事了，我可以玩秋千了。
Ross: There you go! Good for you! And you know what, I'm actually getting used to this little guy. I...I don't really even feel him in here anymore.
是啊。干得好！知道吗？我习惯小蜘蛛啦。我甚至感觉不到它的存在。
Rachel: That's 'cause he's on your neck.
那是因为它在你脖子上。
Ross: What? Aaah! Aaahh!
啥？！
Rachel: ROSS!
罗斯！
