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Where's Howard?
霍华德在哪儿?
No "Hi, Raj"? No "How are you, Raj? " Just straight to "Where's the other white guy?" I'm sorry.
不说"你好，拉杰"，不说"最近好吗，拉杰"，直接问"另一个白人在哪儿"对不起
So, listen, I heard something about him. Can you keep it between us? Ooh, gossip.
我听到他的一些消息，能不能保密?哦，八卦
When I first got here, I thought you Americans really gossiped around the water cooler.
刚来的时候，我还以为，你们美国人爱在饮水机旁聊八卦
So I hung out there for, like, a month, but the only gossip I ever heard was about some creepy guy hanging out by the water cooler.
所以我有一个月经常在那儿晃，但我听到的唯一八卦就是，饮水机旁一直有个猥琐男
Bernadette wants to get a prenup.
伯纳黛特想签婚前协议
Oh, that's a shame he's gonna be devastated.
真悲剧，他会伤心欲绝的
I never know what to do in these situations. Should I give him a heads-up?
我不知道这种情况该怎么做，要不要提醒他下?
I'm gonna give you the same advice I yell at the TV when the Bachelor's handing out roses.
我的建议和每次电视上"单身汉"(美国交友真人秀)送玫瑰时，我喊的一样
Follow your heart.
随心而行
Check it out. Look at the size of that Rice Krispie Treat! Same price.
来瞧瞧，瞧这大米酥的个头。价格不变哦
Hey, Howard, I need to tell you something. I know, it's not on my wedding diet. I don't care.
嘿，霍华德，我有事跟你说，我知道，我又没在为婚礼节食。我无所谓
Uh, l-listen, I... heard that Bernadette's thinking about asking you for a prenup. A prenup?
听着，我...听说伯纳黛特想让你签婚前协议。婚前协议?
What are you gonna do? I... don't know.
你想怎么办?不知道
Follow your heart.
随心而行
You know what, it's... not a big deal.
知道吗?这也没啥
She makes more money than me. She wants to protect her financial interests.
她比我赚得多，她也是想保护她的财产
It's completely reasonable.
这很合理啊
Good. That's a healthy attitude.
好，这么想很健康
Yeah, actually, it's good for both of us.
嗯，其实对我俩都有益
I have assets to protect, too.
我也有要保护的财产啊
Like what? I've got some rare comic books.
比如?我有些稀有的漫画书
The Vespa's almost paid off.
摩托车的分期付款快付清了
And Ma and I have a primo double cemetery plot at Mt.Sinai right near the guy who played Mr.Roper on Three's Company.
我妈和我在西奈山有个，高级双墓位，旁边就是..."三人行"里演罗坡先生那人
Mr. Roper's dead? !
罗坡先生死了?
You can't just spring that on a guy!
你咋能这么突然地向我宣布呢
Here you go.
好了
This is now the only lab with glassware washed by a man with two doctorates
你这实验室可算独一份了，玻璃容器由拥有两个博士学位的人洗
and a restraining order signed by Carl Sagan.
卡尔·萨根还对他申请了限制令，(着名天文学家)
Soap spots. Wash 'em again.
皂渍。再洗一遍
Y... You're being ridiculous! Those are perfectly clean.
你太扯了，洗得可是清洁如新的
Sheldon, this beaker used to contain cerebral spinal fluid from an elephant that died of syphilis.
谢尔顿，这烧杯可盛过死大象的脑脊液，它死于梅毒
If it's, in fact, perfectly clean, drink from it.
如果真是清洁如新，用它喝水
Biologists are mean.
生物学家都好讨厌
All right, perhaps this task will be a little bit more up your alley.
好，也许你会对这项任务，更感兴趣一点
I need you to count the bacteria spores on these petri dishes.
你来数一下培养皿中，细菌孢子的数量吧
There was something wrong with that detergent.
那洗洁精绝对有问题
That was way too bubbly.
泡泡太多了
I'm sure it was. I intend to write that soap company a strongly worded letter.
那是当然，我想跟那家洗涤用品公司，写封措辞激烈的信
Yeah, good for you.Now, start counting.
嗯，挺好，开始数吧
You know what this place needs?
知道这里需要个什么吗?
A suggestion box. 366... 367...
意见箱。366... 367...
How's it going? How's counting going?
怎么样了?数得怎么样了?
When I was in kindergarten, I recited pi to a thousand places for the school talent show.
我上幼儿园时，曾在学校才艺秀上，把π背到了1000位
I think I got this. Great.
这我能行。很好
Aw, nuts! One... This is preposterous!
要死。一...这太荒谬了
I think you're giving me these tasks because you're afraid if you give me anything meaningful to do, I'll show you up.
我认为你给我这些任务，是因为你怕如果给我重要的任务，我会把你比下去
Really? Is that what you think?
真的吗? 你真这么想?
Yes, that's what I think.
对，我真这么想
And I'm super smart, so it's probably true.
我聪明绝顶，所以这很可能是真的
Hey, I've been training in the field of neurobiology for 12 years.
嘿，我已经在神经生物学领域，学习了12年
You've been here for three hours, and you've spent one of them in the bathroom.
你才来了三个小时，其中一小时还是在洗手间度过的。
I'm sorry! It takes me a while to get things going on an unfamiliar toilet.
不好意思，我进你那陌生的厕所之前，也踌躇了一会儿
Sheldon, I've given you the simplest things to do, and you haven't done one of them right.
谢尔顿，你做的都是最简单的活儿，连那活儿你都没做好
Maybe that's because I'm not being challenged.
也许是因为那对我没有挑战性
It's the same reason Einstein failed math. Maybe the math was too bubbly for him.
这也是爱因斯坦数学不及格的原因，也许是数学对他来说，泡泡太多了
You think you're doing science by cutting up that brain?
你以为你切切脑子就算科学?
They could do the same thing at any Quiznos.
奎兹诺斯的店员也干同样的活儿，(着名三明治快餐店)
And they'd offer to toast it for me, too. Okay, smart guy.
他们还会主动帮我烤一烤。好，聪明人
I'm about to remove the locus coeruleus, which is incredibly delicate work. Have at it.
我正要切除蓝斑，这活儿需要相当的技巧。你来吧
All right. I'm no stranger to a little gray matter.
好的。我对脑灰质可不陌生
Locus coeruleus. Locus coeruleus.
蓝斑，蓝斑
You're getting warmer it is, indeed, in the brain.
别叨叨了，它就在脑子里
Hope your hands are steady.
希望你的手能稳住
It's the width of a single hair.
它只有头发般粗细
But this is just biology, so I'm sure it's no problem for a genius like you.
但这是生物学嘛，对你这天才来说，根本没问题。
It's not. I'll have you know, in the field of physics, we work with particles so small, they make fat jokes about the locus coeruleus.
确实，给你说啊，在物理领域，我们研究的粒子都超小，见到蓝斑都得笑它胖
I.e., when your locus coeruleus sits around the house, it sits around the house.
比如"如果说蓝斑在家里呆着，那是说它胖得只能发呆"
Oh...are we nervous, Dr.Cooper?
紧张了吗，库珀博士
No.What you see is a man trembling with confidence.
不，我这是因信心十足而颤抖
Does a locus coeruleus normally bleed that much?
蓝斑一般会流那么多血吗?
No.But your thumb does. Oh, dear.
不，但你的拇指会。娘诶
Yeah, you're a biologist.
是啊，你还真是生物学家
What are you doing here?
你来这儿干吗?
I'm on vacation.
我在休假嘛
Social convention dictates that I let my hair down at a local watering hole.
按社会传统，我该去本地酒吧放松一下
Social convention is stupid.
社会传统真蠢
What happened to your thumb?
你的大拇指怎么了?
You know, I have ten fingers and ten toes. If I tell you a story about each one of them, we'll be here all day let's just move on.
我有十个手指和十个脚趾，如果每个我都要讲个故事的话，那得讲一整天，还是别说了
What can I get you?
有什么需要吗?
Ah, seeing as I'm on vacation, uh, pia colada seems appropriate.
既然我在休假，来杯"凤梨园"应该不错
Extra pineapple slices, extra whipped cream, extra cherries, extra umbrellas, and, uh, hold the rum.
多加凤梨切片，多加鲜奶油，多加樱桃，多加小伞，别加朗姆酒
Don't let me have too many of those.
别让我喝太多哦
Hey, what are you guys doing here?
嘿，你俩怎么在这儿?
We're grown men; we drink at bars. No and no.
我们是成年人，在吧台喝酒啊。不对，也不对
Everything okay with you and Bernadette? Oh, yeah, sure.
你和伯纳黛特没事吧?当然
You and Amy? Good? Oh, better than good.
你和艾米呢?还好吧?那是相当好
You know those girls text me every detail of their lives as it happens. I'm not signing a prenup.
姐妹们都会把所有事，发短信给我说的。我不签婚前协议
All right, Howard Wolowitz, listen up.
好，霍华德·沃洛维茨，听好
You sign anything she puts in front of you, because you are the luckiest man alive.
她给你什么你都要签，因为你是世上最幸运的男人
If you let her go, there is no way you can find anyone else speaking on behalf of all women, it is not gonna happen; we had a meeting.
如果你跟她分了，你就再也找不到这么好的人了，我是代表全世界女性说的，不可能找到，我们开过会了
And you, a grown man fainting at the sight of a little blood.
你呢，一个大男人，见点血就晕
Excuse me, this is a fairly substantial wound. You...
不好意思，那伤可是相当严重。你...
Amy? Amy? Amy? What do you want?
艾米?艾米?艾米?你想干吗?
I was kind of hoping I could continue vacationing in your laboratory.
我希望能继续在你的实验室度假
After all, I did book the whole week.
毕竟我订了一周呢
Do you honestly think you can just waltz back in here after the way you behaved yesterday?
你真以为昨天你那样后，还能悠哉地回来吗?
I was not myself.
当时我已神志不清
I had lost a lot of thumb blood.
我拇指失了太多血
That's not an apology.
这可不算道歉
That is your opinion.
就你这么想
I want a real apology.
我想要个真正的道歉
I'm sorry that you weren't able to... No.
对不起你没能...不行
...that my genius... No. ...that the soap was... Sheldon.
我的才华...不行。那肥皂...谢尔顿
Fine. Sorry. You're forgiven.
好。对不起。原谅你了
Now, if you want to stay, get started on those beakers. They're still dirty from yesterday.
如果你想留下来，快去洗烧杯吧，昨天你还是没洗干净
Next year I'm going to Epcot.
明年我去"未来世界"(主题乐园)
Are you mad at me?
你生我气吗?
No. I'm not mad at you. I just... wish you would have come to me, so I didn't have to hear it through the nerd-vine.
没，我没生气，我只是...希望你能提前告诉我，免得我从宅男兄弟那里听说
So, what are we gonna do?
你打算怎么办?
You really want me to sign a prenup?
你真想让我签婚前协议?
I don't know.
不知道哦
My dad's pretty insistent on it, though.
不过我爸挺坚持的
Why don't I talk to your dad, man-to-man?
我去跟你爸谈谈吧，俩男人面对面
Really? Oh, that'd be so great! Done.
真的吗? 实在太棒了！好
I should probably give you a heads-up about a couple of things.
我要先给你提几个醒
Even though he's retired from the police force, he still carries his gun.
虽然他从警局退休了，他还是会带着枪
But don't worry, he won't shoot it. It's more of a fashion statement. Okay.
但不要担心，他不会开枪，那就算是个时尚配件。好
And just to be safe, when you talk to him, don't bring up Jimmy Carter, gardeners, foreign people, homosexuals, Sean Penn, Vatican II,
安全起见，你和他聊时，别提到吉米·卡特，园丁，外国人，同性恋，西恩·潘，梵蒂冈二次会议
gun control, organic food, the designated hitter rule, recycling or the fact that you're Jewish.
枪支管制，有机食品，"指定击球手"规则，资源回收，也别提你是犹太人
Got it, got it.
知道了，知道了
Will you e-mail me that list?
列个表电邮给我吧
So the thing to watch for, if he's shouting at you, you're okay,
还要注意以下几点，如果他冲你大吼大叫，你听着就好
but if he starts to get real quiet, leave as quickly as you can without making eye contact.
但如果他开始非常安静，尽快离开，不要做眼神接触
Not in a straight line throw some zigs and zigs in there.
也别直着跑，尽量左右躲着跑
You know, this isn't that pressing. Why don't I talk to him about it in May.
其实不用那么急啦，我五月再跟他谈吧
In May you're gonna be on the International Space Station.
五月你就上国际空间站啦
They got a phone.
不是有电话嘛
