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It was a nice retirement party.
这退休欢送会不错啊，
I guess. Still, it's a shame Professor Rothman was forced to step down.
可能吧，真可惜，罗思曼教授不得不退休
What choice did the university have? He snapped.
学校有啥办法呢? 他都疯了
It happens to theoretical physicists all the time.
这对理论物理学家来说很常见
I wonder how long Sheldon's got.
不知道谢尔顿啥时能疯
These shrimp are all the same size.
这些虾居然都大小一样
There's no the logical order to eat them in.
根本没办法按次序吃
Can't be very long.
我看快了
Hey, look, there's Rothman's empty office. Sad.
看，这就是罗思曼空下来的办公室。悲催啊
Mm, indeed. Yeah. So sad. Dibs.
可不是，太悲催了。我要了
What's up, fellas?
大家好啊
What are you doing here, Kripke?
你在这儿干啥，克里普克
Ah, measuring my new office for drapes.
量一下我的新办公室，好做窗帘
This is not your office. It hasn't been assigned yet.
这可不是你的办公室，院里还没分配呢
Well, I called dibs at the Christmas party when Professor Rothman tried to have intercourse with the Toys for Tots collection box.
在圣诞派对上，罗思曼教授要和，募捐箱里的玩具嘿咻时我就说我要了。
Dibs?! This is a university, not a playground. Offices are not assigned because someone called dibs. You just called dibs. Shut it.
你要了?这里是大学，不是小学操场，不会因为你说你要了，办公室就分给你。你刚才也说了。闭嘴
Offices are assigned by seniority.
办公室的分配应该按资历来
I arrived at the university first.
我先来这所大学的
I arrived at the office first. I'm the proverbial early bird.
我还先到的办公室呢，早起的鸟儿有虫吃
Gentlemen. Professor Rothman. Good evening.
先生们。罗思曼教授。晚上好
I'm glad that men are wearing hats again.
真开心男人又开始兴戴帽子了
They're so distinguished.
显得多高贵啊
I got you a little something.
我要送你个小东西
A little something? Oh, this is huge.
小东西?好大啊
What's huge is what you've done for me.
不及你为我所做的
Oh, no, Amy, I haven't done anything.
艾米，我并没做什么
No, no, before I met you, I was a mousy wallflower.
才不是，在遇到你之前，我只是个胆小的丑小鸭
But look at me now.
但看看我现在
I'm like some kind of downtown hipster party girl.
整个一时尚风流女
With a posse, a boyfriend and a new lace bra that hooks in the front, of all things.
有保镖，有男朋友，穿前扣蕾丝胸罩那种
Open it. Open it. Okay.
快打开，快打开。好吧
I wanted to get you something you didn't have.
我想送个你没有的东西
Wow, I...I don't know what to... Wow... Do you like it? Do I like it? Wow
哇哦，我真不知道该说啥...哇哦...喜欢吗?喜欢嘛?哇哦
So, uh, where are you gonna hang it? Oh, my God. hang it? Wow, Um,
你要把它挂哪儿?天啊，还要挂着?哇哦，嗯，
you know, I'd have to go get a hook and nails and a hammer and... No problem.
我得找挂钩，钉子，锤子，还有...没问题
Oh, look. You got...You just... you got it all right there. Wow
你已经...你已经带来了，哇哦
I found him. He's in the bathroom.
我找到他了，他在厕所
President Siebert?
西伯特校长?
Can't this wait? I'm sorry.We just need a word. Now?
不能等等嘛?抱歉，我们需要谈谈。现在?
You realize I'm your boss, and I am holding my penis?
你应该知道我是你老板，而且我在举着我的老二
Sheldon, give the man some privacy.
谢尔顿，尊重下隐私吧
I'm sorry. This guy's got no respect for boundaries.
抱歉了。他根本就不知道啥叫尊重
What do you want?
你们想干吗?
Will you tell this lunatic that Professor Rothman's office is rightfully mine?
您能告诉这个疯子，罗思曼的办公室是我的吗?
Can't you take this up with your department chairman?
你不能找系主任吗?
We tried. His assistant said he was on sabbatical.
我们试过了，他助理说他在休假
Although we distinctly heard his office window open and shut.
不过我们听到了，他办公室窗户的开关声
Gentlemen, there's a task I'm trying to accomplish here, and I'm having trouble doing it.
先生们，我正要完成一个任务，而且现在变得很难
Oh, my. President Siebert, I don't mean to be an alarmist,
天哪，西伯特校长，我并不想危言耸听
but difficulty initiating a urine stream could be a symptom of benign prostatic hyperplasia.
但撒尿困难可是，良性前列腺增生的征兆
If you're interested, I can send you a link to a YouTube video that'll show you how to perform your own rectal exam.
如果你感兴趣，我可以给你个Youtube视频的链接，它会教你怎么做直肠检查
Uh, helpful hint--trim your nails first.
温馨提示，先把你指甲剪了
Ignore him, President Siebert. I'm sure a young man such as yourself has a perfectly... healthy prostate.
不用搭理他，西伯特校长，我肯定您这样年轻，肯定有个...健康的前列腺
Oh, he's just trying to butter you up. And for the record, butter is an excellent lubricant for your rectal exam.
他只是在拍你马屁，强调下，黄油可是直肠检查中，很好的润滑剂
Gentlemen, I'm going to allow the two of you to work this out
我还是把这事交给你们解决吧
because A) you're both brilliant scientists, and B) as far as who gets Rothman's office, I couldn't give the furry crack of a rat's behind.
因为，1.你们都是优秀的科学家，2.Rothman办公室的归属问题跟我没有半毛钱关系
Well, as long as we're here, I might as well take a leak.
既然都到这儿了，那我就撒泡尿吧
Kripke? Yes? You're in my spot.
克里普克，恩?那是我的位置
That is big. So big.
好大啊。相当大
And ugly. so ugly
也很丑，确实
What am I gonna do?
我该怎么做?
I don't know. You can't take it down.You'll break her heart.
我不知道。你不能拿下来，她会伤心的
Look at that face.
看这张脸
That enormous, unsettling, crazy face.
又大又丑又诡异
Is there any chance I'll learn to love it?
我有可能喜欢上它吗?
That depends. Do you like pictures of yourself where you look like a man?
那得看情况了。你喜欢画里的自己像个爷们吗?
All right, it's got to go.
好吧，不能放这儿
What will you tell Amy?
要怎么给艾米解释呢?
How about I tell her the painting makes you feel jealous because you're not in it?
就说因为画里没有你，你嫉妒了，怎么样?
What if she gets me one?
她要是也给我弄一个呢?
I already have a picture of me and Howard's mom getting our hair cornrowed in Venice Beach. I've suffered enough.
我已经有张我跟霍华德老妈，编玉米须发型的了，威尼斯海滩拍的，一张就够我受的
Well, I guess I could take it down and put it up when she comes over, but it's kind of heavy.
那就搬下来，她来了再挂上，但貌似很重的样子
Too bad you're not as strong as the dude in the painting.
真可惜啊，你没画里那哥们那么壮
Would you look at this?
看看这是啥?
I paid $25 to some kid on eBay for a handcrafted Harry Potter wand.
我在易趣上花了25美元跟一小孩儿，买的哈利波特手工魔杖
He sent me a stick.
他就发来一根棍
He went into his backyard, he picked up a stick.
他走到后院，随便拿的一根棍
It's numbered.
有编号呢
Ooh, limited edition. Nice.
限量版，不错哦
Oh, that'll be Kripke.
应该是克里普克
What's he doing here?
他怎么来了?
We're going to work this office situation out like gentlemen.
我们要文明地解决办公室归属纷争
And if that doesn't work, I'm going to poison his tea.
要是没用的话，我就在他茶里下毒
Cooper. Kripke. Come in.
库珀。克里普克。请进
I'm making tea. Would you like a cup?
我在泡茶。要来一杯吗?
Am I wearing a summer frock? No, I don't want tea.
我又没穿连衣裙，不喝
Let's get down to brass tacks. Fine.
咱开门见山吧。好
In the interest of preserving our friendship... We're not friends.
为了不影响我们的友谊...我们不是朋友啊
Well, that's a little hard to hear, but all right.
你这话让我有点伤心呢，但好吧
As you know, the essence of diplomacy is compromise.
如你所知，外交的精髓在于妥协
With that in mind, I propose the following.
请记住这点，我有如下建议
I will take Rothman's office, and you will find a way to be okay with that.
罗思曼的办公室归我，你想办法接受这事实
How about I take Rothman's office, and you go suck a lemon?
办公室归我，你去死怎么样?
You sure I can't get you that cup of tea?
你确定不想喝茶吗?
How about you decide this with Rock-Paper-Scissors Lizard-Spock?
你们用Spock拳决定呗
What the frig is that?
那是啥东西
Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizard-Spock was created by Internet pioneer Sam Kass as an improvement on the classic game Rock-Paper-Scissors.
Spock拳由互联网先驱山姆发明，是剪刀石头布的升级版
All hail Sam Kass. Hail.
山姆万岁。万岁
How does it work?
怎么个玩法?
Oh, it's very simple.
很简单
Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard,
剪刀裁纸，纸包石头，石头砸蜥蜴，蜥蜴毒Spock，Spock砸剪刀，剪刀斩蜥蜴
lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.
蜥蜴吃纸，纸(文章)反驳Spock，Spock蒸发石头，还有原版的石头砸剪刀
I'm sorry.Can you repeat that? Well, of course.
不好意思，能再说遍吗?当然
Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard,
剪刀裁纸，纸包石头，石头砸蜥蜴，蜥蜴毒Spock，Spock砸剪刀，剪刀斩蜥蜴
lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.
蜥蜴吃纸，纸反驳Spock，Spock蒸发石头，还有原版的石头砸剪刀
Almost got it. One more time. Surely. Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock... Sheldon, stop.
快记住了，再说遍呗？好的。剪刀裁纸，纸包石头，石头...谢尔顿，别说了
He's screwing with you. Is he?
他耍你呢。是吗?
Well, then, it seems we have reached an impasse.
那好，看来咱们没得谈了
I see no other option than to challenge you to a duel.
那我就只能向你提出决斗挑战了
I'd smack you with a glove, but just last week, I packed away my winter things.
我想用手套决斗来着，但上周我的过冬用品都收起来了
It's the 21st century. You can't have a duel. H-Hang on, Howard.
现在是21世纪，你们不能决斗。等下，霍华德
Barry, how good of a shot are you?
巴里，你枪法准不?
Not pistols. Minds. A trivia contest, and you may choose the field of battle.
不是用手枪。是智力对决，冷知识竞赛，题目范围任你选
Star Trek trivia, Star Trek: Next Generation trivia, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine trivia, Star Trek: Voyager trivia, or model trains.
"星际迷航"冷知识，"星际迷航:下一代"冷知识，"星际迷航:深空九号"冷知识，"星际迷航:重返地球"冷知识，还是火车模型冷知识
You have a complete advantage in trivia. You have an eidetic memory.
冷知识方面，你有绝对的优势，你记忆力很强
Plus, I haven't watched Star Trek since I discovered the strip club near my apartment has a free buffet.
而且，自从我发现我家旁边的脱衣舞店，有免费自助餐，就没再看过"星际迷航"
It's gonna be hard to find something you're both equally good at.
很难找到你俩都擅长的东西啊
Is there anything you're both equally bad at? Sports.
你俩有都不擅长的吗?体育
All right, this is one-on-one. First person to five wins the office. Any questions?
好，单挑，谁先到五，办公室归谁。有疑问吗?
Yes, Sheldon. Five what?
请说，谢尔顿，五个啥?
Balls in the basket.
五个进球
It's out, right?
是出界了，对吧?
Time. Ran out of room.
暂停。场地不够用了
