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Okay, we're headed out. See you later.
我们要出门了，再见。
Before you leave, could you test these noise-cancelling headphones?
你俩走之前，能帮我测试一下这降噪耳机吗？
Yeah, sure. Okay. Go ahead.
好呀。开始吧。
Hello, can you hear me?
你好，能听见我说话吗？
Sheldon, I haven't changed the filter in the water pitcher in two years.
谢尔顿，咱家水壶里的滤水器已经两年没换过了。
Uh, Bernadette's nickname for you is the virgin pina colada.
伯纳黛特给你取了个外号叫处子鸡尾酒。（意为无酒精的鸡尾酒）。
Your George Lucas autograph is really a "me" autograph.
你收藏的乔治·卢卡斯签名其实是我的签名。
Yeah, well, once I was too lazy to walk across the hall, so I used your toothbrush.
有一次我懒得走回我家去，于是我借用了你的牙刷。
Ooh, and one time when you were asleep, Amy totally took off her...And that's why you're the best roommate ever.
还有一次你睡着了，艾米脱掉了她的......所以你才是百里挑一的好室友。
Now I'm sad I didn't hear it.
真可惜我没听到这些好话。
So what do you need the headphones for?
你拿这降噪耳机干嘛用呢？
Well, I've been struggling for months to come up with a theory of dark matter that doesn't make protons decay.
我这几个月一直在研究暗物质中质子不衰变的问题。
I'm hoping to finally tackle it by optimizing my work environment. See, I've got, uh, my tea is at the perfect sipping temperature.
我希望能靠优化工作环境的办法来解决这个问题。所以我准备了最佳饮用温度的茶。
Uh, I have fleece-lined boxer shorts to keep my tushie toasty.
还穿上了加绒的四角内裤保暖我的小屁屁。
And then, oh, last but not least, this inspirational cat poster, improved with the reassuring face of physics renegade Richard Feynman.
最后但也是同样重要的一点，这张激励人心的猫咪海报，上面印着物理学界的叛徒理查德·费曼和蔼可亲的脸。
Is that why you had to take him to Office Depot last night?
这就是你昨晚带他去文具店的原因吗？
I don't want to talk about it. There, the place is all yours. Yeah, have fun.
我不想聊这件事。好了，这地盘归你了。好好玩吧。
Oh, I wil. Nothing more fun than a paradigm-shifting evening of science.
我会的。没有比改变世界的科学之夜更让人开心的了。
And you thought it was soaping me up in the shower. Bye.
你却说替我搓澡才是最开心的事。拜拜。
Okay. Here we go. Proton decay. Proton decay. Proton decay. Proton decay. Proton decay. Proton decay.
好了。开始吧。质子衰变。质子衰变。质子衰变。质子衰变。质子衰变。质子衰变。
Hey, we're home. Ahhh! Any progress?
我们回来了。啊啊啊！有什么进展吗？
How could there be? ! With these constant interruptions.
怎么可能有进展？！你们老是打扰我。
I love him, but if he's broken, let's not get a new one.
我爱他，但如果他坏掉了，我们别再买新的了。
What are you doing? It's time to go.
你在干什么？该上班了。
I'm not going to work today. And would you like to know why?
我今天不去上班。你想知道为什么吗？
Ah, you're upset because you spent the whole night working on dark matter and didn't make a breakthrough, and now you're worried you made a huge mistake switching fields, and you're gonna sit around and sulk all day?
你不高兴，因为你花了一整晚研究暗物质却找不到突破口，现在你担心转换研究方向的决定是错误的，于是你要窝在家里生一整天闷气？
Like a big old baby. Call me if you need anything.
就像一个大宝宝。有需要给我打电话。
I've been cooped up in here too long. Maybe I need some fresh air.
我在这里闷太久了，也许我需要点新鲜空气。
Penny? Penny? Penny? Ugh, what?
佩妮？佩妮？佩妮？什么事？
You sounded in distress. I was worried something unpleasant was happening to you. Like a murder. Or spontaneous coitus with Leonard.
听起来你很痛苦，我担心你是不是遇到了麻烦。比如有人要谋杀你，或者是莱纳德突然找你滚床单。
Oh, I'm just doing this awful workout. I hate it.
我只是在锻炼。讨厌死了。
Well, if you hate it, then why are you doing it? Although I could ask the same question about coitus with Leonard.
如果你讨厌，干嘛还要做呢？当然我对你和莱纳德滚床单这件事也有同样的问题。
I don't know. I guess I like that I hate it. It makes me work harder.
我想，我就是喜欢这种讨厌它的感觉吧，可以激发我的斗志。
And to clarify...The exercise, Sheldon. Shouldn't you be getting ready for work?
你是指... 我是指锻炼，谢尔顿。你不是应该准备上班了吗？
I'm not going. Would you like to know why?
我今天不上班。你想知道为什么吗？
Uh, you're sad about not getting anything done last night, so you're gonna sit around and pout about it?
你不高兴，因为你昨晚什么都没搞出来，所以你要窝在家里生一整天闷气？
Boy, I'm not nearly as mysterious as I think I am.
我完全不如自己预期的那么神秘莫测啊。
I invented a game. You want to play? Sure.
我发明了一个游戏，想玩吗？好啊。
It's called "Emily or Cinnamon"" I give you actual quotes I've heard Raj say, and you guess if he was talking to his girlfriend or his dog.
名字叫"艾米丽还是小桂子"。我告诉你们拉杰曾经说过的话，你来猜一猜这些话的对象是女朋友还是狗。
Go ahead, make fun. You can't embarrass me. I've got a beautiful girlfriend and a dog who loves me so much she drinks my bathwater.
好啊，你想笑就笑吧。我可不会觉得尴尬。我有一个漂亮女友和一条爱我爱到愿意喝我洗澡水的狗。
Okay, who was he talking to, Emily or Cinnamon: "I want you to know, the bed feels so lonely when you're not in it."
很好，这是对谁说的，艾米丽还是小桂子："你要知道，你不在的时候，空荡荡的床显得好孤单。"
Yeah. I may not be liking this game so much. Cinnamon. Give me another one.
我可不怎么喜欢这个游戏。小桂子。再来一个。
Okay, Emily or Cinnamon: "Check it out, I got us matching sweaters!"
好的，艾米丽还是小桂子："看看，我给咱俩买了情侣毛衣"！
We all got the Christmas card-Cinnamon.
我们都收到了他的圣诞卡。当然是小桂子。
You know, a man can care deeply about a woman and a pet. It's not strange.
一个男人可以同时关爱他的女人和他的狗。这并不奇怪。
Ooh, Emily. I heard him say that to Emily. Hey, I thought you were staying home.
艾米丽。这话我听过他对艾米丽说过。你不是要待在家里吗。
Yeah, I was, but after talking to Penny, I realized something. I...first, she's trying much harder to stay attractive in this relationship than you are.
是的，但和佩妮聊过之后，我发现了一件事。我...首先，她为了保持对你的吸引力，付出的努力可比你多。
And second...the reason I may not be progressing in my research is I've created too pleasant of an environment for myself.
其次，我毫无进展的原因，就是我为自己打造的环境太舒适了。
What do you mean?
什么意思？
According to a classic psychological experiment by Yerkes and Dodson, in order to maximize performance, one must create a state of productive anxiety.
根据叶杜二氏的心理学实验，想提高工作效率，就必须营造一种焦虑紧张的气氛。
So I'd like to ask you all to do something for me. Keep me on my toes. Just throw me off my game. EEssentially, go out of your way to make my life miserable.
所以我希望你们能帮我个忙。别让我放松下来。攻我不备。最重要的是，使劲浑身解数让我难受。
Hold on. What's in it for us? Well, I suppose...Okay, we'll do it!
等等。这么做对我们有什么好处？我觉得吧.. 好，我们同意了！
Done. 33 seconds. Okay, that'll be our baseline.
做完了。33秒。这就是我们的基准线。
You know, I don't want to tell you how to do your job, but when a mouse completes a maze, it gets a food pellet.
我不想教你怎么工作，不过如果一只老鼠走通了迷宫，它会得到饲料奖励。
It also gets its brain plucked out with tweezers.
它的大脑还会被镊子夹出来呢。
And his last meal was a food pellet? You're a monster.
而它的最后一餐只是一颗饲料？你真是禽兽。
All right, next, we're gonna introduce an anxiety-inducing stimulus, measure your stress levels and see how it affects your problem-"lving rate.
好了，接下来，我们要逐步加强紧张焦虑刺激，测量你的应力水平，观察它对你思考能力的影响。
Very well. And good luck-I'm a pretty laid-back guy. Ready? Begin.
很好。祝你好运。我可是个处变不惊的人哦。准备好了吗？开始。
Why'd you pop it? I'm "rry, I was aiming for your heart.
你为什么要戳破？对不起，我本来瞄准的是你的心脏。
Look, I know you don't like it, but that's the point of the experiment.
我知道你不喜欢，但这是实验的意义所在。
I need to irritate you to find your optimal anxiety zone.
我需要激怒你，来找到你的最佳焦虑区。
And you said no to tickling, polka music or watching me eat a banana.
而且你不要挠痒痒，波尔卡舞曲，或看我吃香蕉。
Who eats them horizontally? !
谁会横着啃香蕉啊？！
My mother said that's how good girls do it.
我妈说好女孩都是这么吃的。
Perhaps this was a waste of time.
也许这是浪费时间。
Sheldon, you're a remarkable scientist. Just be patient, I'm sure you'll find the breakthrough you've been looking for. Thank you.
谢尔顿，你是了不起的科学家。耐心一点，我确信你会找到一直寻觅的突破口。谢谢。
And if you only do "lid research instead of making a groundbreaking discovery, what does it matter?
而且如果你只进行可靠研究而不是有开创性的发现，那又有什么关系呢？
"Only do "lid research"? ! Uh...I come to you for help, and you insult me? !
只进行可靠研究？！我来找你帮忙，你却侮辱我？！
I thought the least that you would do would be...Look, your anxiety levels are right in the zone.
我原以为你至少可以...看，你的焦虑水平达标了。
Really? Oh, that's fantastic. NNow, wait, they're dropping. Why are they dropping?
真的吗？真是太好了。慢着，又落下去了。为什么落下去了？
Because you're happy they're elevated. Oh, that is infuriating!
因为你开心数值提高了。真是气死我了！
Ooh, look, they went back up again. Terrific. Oh, no, they went back down!
看，又上升了。太好了。不好，又落下去了！
All right, guys, what game do you want to play?
各位，你们想玩什么游戏？
Let's see. How about "Emily or Cinnamon"?
来看看。不如玩"艾米丽或小桂子"？
You know what? I think it's a little weird that you remember me saying all these things. Maybe the truth is-- you're jealous of all my relationships.
知道吗？你记得我说过的这些话，感觉有点奇怪。也许真相是，你嫉妒我所拥有的这些关系。
Oh, maybe I am. Who wouldn't want to be the girl, or possibly dog, to hear the words: "You're " lucky. You have the shiniest hair"
也许我是嫉妒。谁不想做这样的女孩，也有可能是狗，听到以下的话："你真幸运。你有着最闪亮的头发[毛发]。"
That is a tough one. Uh, II know he brushes both of them.
好难抉择。我知道他既帮女友梳发，也帮狗梳毛。
Gentlemen...Yeah.
先生们... 在。
I have figured out the perfect way for you to irritate me.
我想到了你们激怒我的最完美方法。
I'd like you to be my intellectual sparring partners.
我想你们做我的智力拳击陪练。
From now on, when I make an assertion, I need you to challenge it.
从现在开始，我发表的任何言论你们都要提出质疑。
" you just want us to disagree with whatever you say? Yes.
就是说你说什么我们都反对吗？是的。
And you think that's going to help? Yes.
你觉得这样有帮助？是的。
Well, I don't think that's gonna help at all.
我觉得这样做完全没帮助。
Oh, no, it will. See, by keeping my mind engaged, I'll become more focused.
不，会有的。我的大脑保持忙碌，我会更专心。
Howard's right. That'll never work.
霍华德说得对，这招不会有用的。
Stop fighting me on the premise. It's scientifically valid. I'm going to advance propositions, I just want you to challenge me.
别就管不管用反对我。这完全是有科学依据的。我会提出命题，我只是需要你们质疑我。
I don't think that's what you want at all.
我觉得这完全不是你想要的。
Why, of course it's what I want. Why would I say it's what I want if it's not what I want?
这当然是我想要的。如果不是，我为什么会说这是我想要的？
Because it is what you want, and it's not what you said.
因为这是你想要的，却不是你所说的。
I ask you for one simple thing, and you can't even do it.
我要求你们做这么简单的事，你们都做不到。
Yes, we can. Yeah, well, then do it. Nah.
我们可以。那就照做。就不。
You guys are the worst. Thank you, I think that was helpful.
你们差劲死了。谢谢，我想刚才有帮助。
