评论
打印
Sheldon Cooper. Good morning, Your Honor.
谢尔顿·库珀 早上好 法官大人
Dr. Sheldon Cooper appearing in prose. That is to say, representing himself.
我是谢尔顿·库珀博士 自我辩护 也就是说 代表我自己
I know what it means. I went to law school.
我知道什么意思 我读过法律学校
And yet you wound up in traffic court.
结果却在审理交通法庭
Anyway, if it would please the court, I'd like to begin with an opening statement.
不管怎样 法官允许的话 我想做个开庭陈述
The court would advise you to make it quick,
法官会建议你简短点
as the court had a diceylooking breakfast burrito this morning and just took an Imodium.
因为法官早上吃了可能馊了的玉米煎饼 而且刚吃了易蒙停(止泻药)
A quick opening statement. Like a milking stool, my case rests on three legs.
快速的开场陈述如同一个挤奶凳 本案有三个立足点
I will demonstrate that I was improperly instructed in driving
我要论证的是我在驾驶过程中受到一个女人的误导
by a woman whose lack of respect for society borders on the sociopathic.
这个女人缺乏社会上对反社会界定的基本认识
I will argue that the emergency met the legal doctrine of quod est necessarium est licitum that which is necessary is legal.
我要争辩的是紧急情况下的法律原理是需要即合法也就是需要即合法
But first, I will raise a Sixth Amendment issue.
但首先 我要提出第六条修正案(美国权利法案)
I'm unable to confront my accuser, a nonhuman entity, to wit, a camera.
我无法与控方对峙 因为控方是一台非人类机器也就是摄像机
So, to sum up: improper instruction; quod est necessarium est licitum; Sixth Amendment. My milk stool is complete.
所以 综上所述 错误指导 加上"需要即合法"的原理 还有第六条修正案 我的挤奶凳辨述完毕
Impressive. Thank you. Guilty. Pay the cashier.
佩服佩服 谢谢 罪名成立 去付钱吧
I object. You're completely ignoring the law.
我反对 你这是在无视法律
No, I'm following the law. I'm ignoring you. Really?
不 我遵守法律 只是在无视你 是吗
I would point out that I am at the top of my profession, while you preside over the kiddy table of yours.
提醒你一下 我可是业内顶尖人士 你却坐在桌子后面过家家
Dr. Cooper, before I find you in contempt
库珀博士 我给你个机会为你最后的言论道歉
and throw you in jail, I'm going to give you a chance to apologize for that last remark.
不然我要视你为蔑视法庭把你扔进监狱
I am a scientist. I never apologize for the truth.
我可是个科学家 我才不会为陈述事实而道歉
That's my spot.
那是我的位置
I can't wait to ask Stan Lee why he insists on giving all his characters first and last names that start with the same letter.
我等不及要问斯坦·李为什么他笔下每个角色的姓和名开头字母都是一样的
Oh, come on. Why would you do that?
得了 你这是何必（以下均为惊奇漫画人物）
Bruce Banner, Reed Richards, Sue Storm, Stephen Strange, Otto Octavius, Silver Surfer, Peter Parker, oh, and worst of all,J. Jonah Jameson, Jr.
布鲁斯·班纳 里德·理查 苏珊·斯汤 斯蒂芬·史催博士 奥拓·八爪博士和银影侠 彼得·帕克 还有最夸张的小约翰·约拿·詹姆森
Okay, I'm cutting. I'm not gonna talk to Stan Lee after you cheese him off.
好吧 我要插在你前面 免得斯坦·李被你惹毛了我遭殃
Hey. Sheldon's in jail.
嗨 谢尔顿进了监狱
Sheldon's in jail?! You called it.
啥 谢尔顿进了监狱?!被你说中了
For what? What do you think?
怎么搞的 你觉得呢
For doing the same crap he always does, except to a judge.
就是他平时一贯的找抽风格 只不过法官不吃这一套
He has to stay in there until he apologizes.
他不道歉就出不来
So tell him to apologize.
那就让他道歉啊
Oh, gee, thanks, Leonard. That didn't occur to me.
多谢提醒 莱纳德 你以为我没想过吗
If he doesn't apologize by 5:00, he is going to spend the night in jail.
如果他五点前还不道歉 就得在监狱里过夜了
Oh, no, that's terrible. Ooh, the line's moving. Got to go. Bye.
哦不 真是糟糕 哇 队伍动了 挂了 回见
Excuse me? Excuse me, jailor? What?
有人吗 狱卒在吗 咋了
I need to use the restroom. Knock yourself out.
我要上厕所 在那边 自便
That's the toilet? Well, it ain't a wishing well.
这算是马桶? 不然你以为是许愿池吗
Please tell the judge I'm ready to apologize.
请转告法官 我准备向他道歉
Look at that. "To my friend, Leonard. " From Stan Lee, Excelsior!"
看啊 致吾友 莱纳德 独行侠 斯坦·李" 惊奇漫画的一个系列 后改称Loners
Awesome. Mine says, "To my friend, Howard. From Stan Lee, Excelsior!"
牛逼 我上面写的是 "致吾友 霍华德" 独行侠 斯坦·李
Mine says, "To Raj, from Stan Lee."
我上面写的是 "致拉杰 斯坦·李"
That's 'cause you pissed him off about his character names.
因为你纠结他的角色名 把他惹毛了
Hey, I didn't even mention Dum Dum Dugan or Green Goblin,
搞毛 我还没提达姆弹头杜甘和绿魔
Matt Murdock, Pepper Potts, Victor Von Doom, oh, and worst of all, Millie the Model.
马特·默多克和小辣椒波兹 末日博士 还有最夸张的米莉模特
We're home. Oh, hey, buddy. How'd it go?
我们回来了 伙计 情况如何
You know very well how it went.
你明明都知道了还问个屁
Yeah, but we all want to hear it from you.
是啊 但我们想听你亲口说
I was found guilty and fined $533.
我被判有罪 还被罚了533美元
I'm going to write you a check for that.
我会写张支票给你
As long as you promise to put it in your drawer and never cash it, like the others.
只要你答应我藏在抽屉里 别去兑换 就和其他那些东西一样
I also now have three points on a driver's license I do not yet possess, and I was forced to issue an undeserved apology,
我还没有驾照 但上面已经被扣了三点 还被迫道了个冤枉歉
simply because I refuse to urinate in a stainless steel bowl in front of criminals.
只因为我拒绝在一群犯人面前就着个不锈钢尿盆排尿
Plus, you didn't get to meet Stan Lee.
再加上你错过了和斯坦·李见面
Okay, that's enough, Howard. The poor guy's had a tough time.
好了 别刺激他了 霍华德 这可怜虫够难受的了
He had to spend the entire afternoon in jail wearing that suit.
一个下午都待在监狱 还穿成这幅德行
You're right, so it would be cruel to mention that after he finished signing autographs,
说得对 所以我们也别提在亲笔签名后 他带斯图尔特和咱一起去吃了意式冰淇淋
Stanley took Stuart and us out for gelato.
这就太残酷了
You had gelato with Stan Lee?
你们和斯坦·李共进意式冰淇淋?
He said we could call him Stan. Except for Raj.
他还允许我们叫他斯坦 除了拉杰
Well, I hope you're satisfied, Penny.
你这下满意了吧 佩妮
You are responsible for all the evil that has be fallen me today.
今天我所遭受的磨难 这全都是你的错
Okay, I realize that... Not finished.
好吧 我知道... 我还没说完呢
It is because of you that I now have a criminal record,
都是因为你害得我有了犯罪记录
and it is because of you that I missed out on having gelato with Stan Lee.
还因为你 害得我错过了和斯坦·李共进意式冰淇淋
Okay, maybe you'll have another chance to have... No, no. 好吧
也许以后还有机会... 不可能了
I will never have another chance to have gelato with Stan Lee
再也没有这种机会了
because opportunities to have gelato with Stan Lee come but once in a lifetime.
因为和斯坦·李一起共进意式冰淇淋的机会一生只有一次
The Moving Finger writes, and having writ, moves on
手起笔落白纸黑字再难改(出自《鲁拜集》)
Did he just somehow give me the finger?
他刚是朝我竖中指了吗
Not just the finger. The moving finger.
可不只是手指 还挥起了小手
Hey Stuart. Oh hey Penny.
你好 斯图尔特 你好 佩妮
What's going on? Nothing.
怎么了 没什么
I'm just getting ready to close up and... head out.
我正准备打烊 然后出发
Cool. Got any fun plans?
真好 晚上有安排
Oh yeah. Big night tonight. Gonna share a can of tuna with the cat.
对 今晚有重大安排 跟只猫一起共享金枪鱼罐头
Oh nice. Not even my cat.I just feed it. Some nights it doesn't even show up.
真好 那甚至不是我的猫 我就喂喂它 有几晚它甚至都不会出现
Oh okay. Well I was hoping um you could do me a favor.
好吧 我希望 你能帮我个忙
Sure yeah name it.
义不容辞 说吧
Well I'm kind of responsible for Sheldon missing Stan Lee and I really want to make it up to him.
这次谢尔顿没见上斯坦·李 我得负一定责任 我真的很想弥补他
So I was hoping you could give me his phone number so maybe I can arrange for them to meet.
所以希望你能给我他的电话 也许我能安排他们见个面
Oh I'm sorry I don't have his phone number.
抱歉 我没他电话
Damn. All right. Thank you.
该死 好吧 谢了
Wait. I have his address.
等等 我有他地址
Really? Great! But I can't give it to you.
真的 太好了 但不能告诉你
Then why did you tell me you had it?
那你为什么要提这茬
I don't know. Just chatting.
我不知道 这不聊天嘛
You're looking at a guy who could very well get stood up by a stray cat tonight.
别这样看着我 我已经可怜到连流浪猫都可能放我鸽子
I'm sorry Stuart. Thanks anyway.
抱歉 斯图尔特 不管怎样 谢了
Wait. Yeah? Maybe we can make a deal.
等等 怎么了 不如我们做笔交易
What kind of deal?
什么交易
I will give you the address if you go to my cousin's wedding with me.
我告诉你地址 你就陪我去参加我表妹的婚礼
You're extorting a date out of me?
你这是在逼我跟你约会
I kind of have to. The cousin who's getting married is the cousin I usually go to weddings with.
我没其他办法 这次要结婚的这个表妹就是以前经常陪我参加别人婚礼的那个
Can I bring Leonard?
我能带上莱纳德吗
Sure. What the hell. Deal.
当然 随便吧 成交
We'll tell people he's your cousin.
告诉别人他是你表哥就行
This is Stan Lee's front door. We were on Stan Lee's curb
这是斯坦·李家的大门 越过斯坦·李家马路牙子
then we were on Stan Lee's walk and now we're at Stan Lee's front door. Yup.
走过斯坦·李经常走过的路 终于来到了斯坦·李家大门外 对
Oh Lord you just rang Stan Lee's doorbell. At Stan Lee's house.
天哪 你按了斯坦·李家门铃 就站在斯坦·李家门外
We're about to go in and have milk and cookies with Stan Lee.
我们就要进去跟斯坦·李共享牛奶和点心
Okay sweetie I don't know if we're gonna have cookies or he's just gonna say hi
亲爱的 我不确定他是否会招待我们点心还是直接问候了事
or really what's gonna happen so just let me talk and... Yeah?
还是会怎么着 所以让我来跟他谈...哪位
Are you Stan Lee? Oh damn.
你就是斯坦·李吗 见鬼
Hi. I'm Penny. This is my friend Sheldon.
你好 我叫佩妮 这位是我朋友谢尔顿
We're not friends at the moment. Depends on how this goes.
她现在不是我朋友 鉴于此刻形势
Right, right. Anyway
好吧 总之
Sheldon here is a huge fan of yours and he was supposed to meet you the other day at the comic book store but he kind of ended up in jail.
谢尔顿是您的超级粉丝 他原打算那天去漫画书店参加您的签名会 可惜最后进了监狱
I see. And you thought you'd just come over to my house uninvited?
了解 你们真以为这样不请自来 就能随便敲我家门
You said we were invited.
你说过我们是受邀来的
Oh no no I said I'm inviting you to come with me to Stan Lee's house.
不不 我只说我邀请你跟我一起去斯坦·李家
You know you fan boys are unbelievable.
你们这些自称粉丝的 真是不可思议
Do you think you can just ring my doorbell any time you want?
真以为只要自己高兴 随时都能按我家门铃
I mean why don't you just come on in and watch the Lakers game with me?
既然这样 干嘛不索性进门来跟我一起看湖人队比赛好了
Well I'm not much of a sports fan but thank you.
我不是很爱好体育 不过感谢邀请
I'm sorry. He doesn't really understand sarcasm.
我很抱歉 他不是很懂什么叫讽刺
Well I'll give him something he'll understand.
好吧 我动点真格的 他就会懂了
Joanie call the police!
琼妮 快报警
Nice to meet you.
很高兴见到你
Fantastic Four Daredevil, Invincible Iron Man, Happy Hogan Curt Connors...
《神奇四侠》 《夜魔侠》《无敌钢铁超人》快乐霍根 蜥蜴博士
Would you just let it go?
你能不能消停会
And worst of all Fin Fang Foom.
还有最糟糕的非凡龙
Hey where've you been?
你去哪了
I'll tell you where I've been.
我告诉你们我去哪了
You boys may have had gelato with Stan Lee and gotten autographed comics but I saw the inside of his house
你们或许跟斯坦·李一起吃了冰激凌还得了他亲笔签名的漫画 我可是亲自进了他家
and got an autographed application for a restraining order.
还得到了他亲笔签名的禁制令申请状
Sweet. Plus I get to hang out with him again at the hearing.
赞 还有 等听证会时 我还能再见到他
This is going to look great hanging next Leonard Nimoy to my restraining order from Leonard Nimoy.
挂在我那伦纳德·尼莫伊签名的史波克扮演者 禁制令旁 那一定会非常酷
