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This is our first week back after summer break.
这是我们暑假过后的第一周
And I am told that while we were gone a few people on my staff had babies.
我听说休假时，我有几个员工生孩子了
So I am gonna show their photos on TV. And that is gonna count as my gift.
所以我要在屏幕上放出他们的照片。那就算做我的礼物了
My field producer, Aaron Pinkston, and his wife, Jen, had a baby girl.
我的现场制片人亚伦·平克斯顿和他的妻子珍生了个小女孩儿
And her name is Evermay. They met on my show, he proposed on my show.
她叫埃佛梅。这对夫妻在我的节目上相遇，他在我的节目上求婚
And the baby was conceived in our janitor's closet.
而这个孩子是在我们门卫的衣柜里怀的
I don't know how they did it. I don't want to know how they did it. But here's Evermay.
我不知道他们是怎么做到的。我也不想知道。总之，这就是埃佛梅了
Awe. Look at that. Now here's where I usually tell how much the baby weighs and how long it is.
噢，看啊。这时候我通常会告诉大家这孩子的体重和长度
But nobody cares about that.
不过根本没人在乎
Parents are the only people who care about the length, and the width, and the weight, and all that stuff.
只有父母才会在意孩子的长度、宽度和重量之类的
So this year I'm doing something for me. I am gonna rate all of the babies from 1 to 10.
今年我要为自己办点事。我要从1到10给所有的宝宝们打分
It's not a competition, but someone will win.
这不是比赛，但总会有人胜出的
All right, let's see. So she's sleeping and she's quiet, which are my two favorite qualities in a baby, so plus 7 points.
好，来看看。她睡着了，很安静，我最喜欢宝宝这样了，所以给她7分
And then she's got a cute sister, Parker, so that's plus 2 points.
她还有个可爱的姐姐帕克，再给她加2分
She's wrapped in a burritos, which makes me hungry, so that's minus 1 point.
她包的跟个玉米卷似的，让我有点饿，所以扣掉一分
But I like burritos, so that's plus 5 points. So that's a total of 13 out of 10. Okay.
不过我喜欢玉米卷，所以再加5分，最后就是10分中得了13分。好
Next, my payroll manager, Eloise, and her partner, Steve, had a baby out of wedlock. And
下一个，我的工资经理埃洛伊兹和她的搭档史蒂夫生了个孩子，还没结婚呢
Now I shall rate their baby. This is Madison Lane. And Eloise does our payroll, so she writes my checks, so right away 3 points.
我要给他们的宝宝打分了。这是麦迪逊·莱恩。埃洛伊兹负责我们的工资，她要给我写支票呢，所以给3分
The baby's name is Madison Lane, which sounds like a fancy street with nice houses, so plus 2 points.
宝宝的名字叫麦迪逊·莱恩，听起来像一条漂亮的街道上有着漂亮的房子，所以加2分
I like cats, she's wearing a cat, so plus 8 points.
我喜欢猫，她衣服上就有猫猫，所以加8分
But she's not wearing Ed by Ellen baby clothing, which is available now, so minus 2 points.
可是她没有穿艾伦家的婴儿服，现在都能买到了，所以减2分
So that's a total of 11 out of 10. I like that you're applauding for that. Finally,
最后就是10分中得了11分。很喜欢你们因此鼓掌。最后
Our associate director, Ken, and his wife, Jill, had twin girls. Awe. I will rate them.
我们的副导演肯和他的妻子吉尔，生了一对双胞胎女儿。噢。我要给她们打分
Their names are Sasha and Madison. And I like crowns. Hopefully those went on after the birth.
她们叫萨沙和麦迪逊。我喜欢皇冠。但愿这些是出生后才戴上去的啊
So 9 points for the crowns. But we already had a Madison, so minus 1 point for lack of originality.
为皇冠给9分。但我们已经有过一个麦迪逊了，所以因为缺乏创意扣1分
Also they're dressed the same, so I can't tell which is which, so minus 1 point.
还有，她们穿的一样，我分不清谁是谁，所以再扣一分
But they're twins, so all the points are doubled. So that gives them 14 out of 10.
不过她们是双胞胎，所以分数要翻倍。最后就是10分中得了14分
And that makes them today's winner. They are the winners.
这就诞生了今天的赢家。她们是赢家
They're the winners. Okay, if you want me to rate your baby send me a photo.
她们赢了。好，如果你想让我给你的孩子打分，那就发张照片过来吧
I will be brutally honest with my opinions. It's what my mother did to me. And look how I turned out.
我会很残酷地说出我的真实意见。我妈妈就是这么对我的，看我现在多棒
