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So, boy, the NFL season is kicking off this weekend. I know. I'm excited.
天啊，全国橄榄球联盟这周末就要开赛了。就是啊，我很激动
So I should tell you what team I'm supporting. I'm Team Taylor.
我要告诉你们我支持哪队。我是泰勒队的
Elizabeth Taylor, that's what I mean. What a legend she was.
我说的是伊丽莎白·泰勒。真是个传奇人物
I don't like choosing sides. I'm Team Everybody. That's who I am. I'm Team Everybody.
我不喜欢站边。我支持所有人。这就是我。我支持所有人
I do want to talk about Taylor Swift because she's amazing. And she's got the number one song right now.
我要谈谈泰勒·斯威夫特，她太棒了。她的歌现在排名第一
She's one of the best selling artists of the last decade and it's really fun to scare her. Aah. Aah.
过去十年她是销量最好的艺术家之一，而且吓她特别有意思。啊！啊！
Yeah. I must have scared some sense into her, because listen to what she's doing.
嗯。我可能把她吓傻了，听听看她都干了些啥
Taylor filed trademarks on a bunch of titles and catchphrases from her new album.
泰勒给她新专辑里的一堆标题和口头语都加了商标
One of the lines she's trademarking is "The old Taylor can't come to the phone right now.", she's trademarking that.
其中她加了商标的一句是“老泰勒现在不能接电话”，她给这句话加了商标
So she can use it on all merchandise, but until she trademarks it and until it goes through, she can't stop me from selling these.
这样她就能在任何商品上使用它了，但是在她加上商标并推广开之前，她不能阻止我卖这些东西
So now, I'm selling the old Taylor can't come to the phone right now sweatshirts.
现在，我在卖“老泰勒现在不能接电话”的运动衣
Right. They're available at my The Old Taylor Can't Come to the Phone Right Now Shop.
是的，你们可以在我的“老泰勒现在不能接电话商店”买到它们
So it got me thinking, I should trademark my own catchy phrases. And I should start with catchy phrases right there.
我在想，我要把自己的口头语也注上商标。我应该从“口头语”开始
Cuz that's not trademarked yet. And there's bunch of other phrases too.
因为它还没有商标呢。还有好多其他口头语
Like I say, be kind to one another at the end of every show.
比如我会说，“每次节目结束时要对彼此友善点”
I should trademark that because it really sums up who I am and what I stand for.
我应该给它加个商标，因为这句话说的就是我，也是我所代表的东西
I believe in kindness. I also feel if someone uses that phrase without paying me, I should be able to sue them for every penny that they've got.
我相信善良。要是有人用了那句话却没给我钱，我就可以因为他们所挣的钱去起诉他们
Also when I come out here sometimes, I throw a mint in the air and I catch it in my mouth, I should trademark that too.
还有，有时候我上台后会扔块儿薄荷糖，然后用嘴接住，我也应该给它上个商标
I don't wanna stop people from having mints, if anything, I'm encouraging that.
我不是说不让大家吃薄荷糖，非要说的话，我支持大家吃
More, and more mints. I'm just saying, if you toss one in the air and you catch it, send me a dollar.
多吃点薄荷糖。我只是说如果你把薄荷糖扔起来再接住，那就得给我一美元
I don't care if you toss popcorn or grapes, you can do that, but if I hear you're tossing mints, you'll hear from my lawyer.
你们要是扔爆米花或葡萄的话无所谓，但如果我听到你们扔的是薄荷糖，那就等着见我的律师吧
Actually, you know what, I'm gonna trademark that, too. I'm gonna trademark that phrase, you'll hear from my lawyer.
其实，说到这儿，我要给那句话也上个商标。我要给“等着见我的律师”上个商标
That way, if someone tries to sue me, And says you'll hear from my lawyer, I can sue them first.
这样的话，如果有人想起诉我，他会说“等着见我的律师”，那我就能先起诉他了
See? That's a good idea. What I'm really known for is what I do with the end of my monologue.
懂了吧？这个主意真不错。我真正出名的是我结尾的独白
I mean nobody does that because honestly it makes no sense.
我是说没人会这么做，因为这毫无道理
But you owe me a check if you try to use an awkward transition to get into a dance.
但如果你需要一个很尴尬的过渡才能跳舞的话，那就得给我张支票了
