评论
打印
Guys, Mother's Day is on Sunday. Happy Mother's Day to all the moms.
朋友们周日就是母亲节了，所有的母亲节日快乐。
And to celebrate, the RNC is selling pink make America great again hats.
为了纪念这一节日，RNC商店售卖印有让美国再次复兴的粉色帽子。
It's the perfect way of saying, I have no idea what to get you for Mother's Day this year.
这么说绝了，就好像在说我不知道今年要送您什么礼物。
What? Thank you? That's right. Mother's Day is this weekend.
什么，谢谢，本周末就是母亲节了。
That means a lot of people are shopping for that perfect Mother's Day card.
许多人会去购买母亲节卡片。
And while there are lots of good choices, there are also some very unpopular cards out there.
许多卡片写得非常好，而还有一些却不受人待见。
I'll show you what I mean. For example, this card says mom，I love you.
来看看，比如这张卡片，写着妈妈我爱你。
But I'm still gonna ask you to stay in hotel when you visit.
但当您来看我时，我依然要让您住酒店。
See what I'm saying? They're unpopular. Not popular cards. No. These aren't. No. They're truthful.
懂了吗，不招人喜欢的卡片，不待见，没错，但这些是真话。
This next one says I'll always be your loving daughter.
第二个是，我永远是你可爱的女儿。
Because I can't afford to get kicked off our Verizon family plan.
因为我没钱开始我们的无线家庭计划。
You save a lot of money. That costs a lot of money. You save a lot of money. Yeah.
你会省一大笔钱，这会让你付一大笔钱，省一大笔钱，没错。
This one says today's the day I had to tell you. I was the one who crashed the Windstar in 1996.
这个说今天我想对你说，1996年是我把风之星打破了。
That's very specific. Crashed the Windstar. Yeah. Very specific card.
这太具体了，打破了风之星，没错，非常具体。
This next one says have I told you lately that I need to borrow money.
下一个是，我最近有没有告诉你我要借钱。
Yes, you have. And finally, this one says the world's number one mom is Beyonce, but you're right up there too.
你当然说了，最后一个说，世界第一大好妈妈是碧昂丝，但你也不赖。
They're just unpopular cards. Let's get to some news here. Rudy Giuliani has resigned from his law firm
不靠谱的卡片，来看看其他新闻，鲁迪·朱利安尼从事务所辞职了，
to focus on working for Trump. His co-workers threw him a going-away party.
他将为小特工作，同事们为他举办了送别派对。
But since he's working for Trump, the cake said, See you back here in two weeks.
但自从为小特工作以来，蛋糕上写着两周内再见。
I'll, Leave everything where it is, yeah.
待着别动，哪里也别动。
I saw that a 92-year-old man was just elected to be the next prime minister of Malaysia.
听说马来西亚新任总理92岁了。
Or as his running mate put it, I'm going to be the next prime minister of Malaysia. Wow.
他的竞选搭档说，我将成为马拉西亚新任总理。
Did you hear about this? Target just debuted a line of matching outfits for the entire family.
知道这个吗，塔吉特公司推出了全家装，所有衣服都是一样的。
It's part of their make your kids even more embarrassed to be seen with you collection.
孩子一定会为你的衣品而感到尴尬。
We're all wearing overalls. This is crazy. I read about a woman in Texas who brought home a pair of kittens
我们都穿着工作服，太疯狂了，听说德州一女性买了一对猫，
that turned out to be bobcats. Unfortunately, they were eaten by her eagle she thought was a parakeet.
结果却是短尾猫，结果短尾猫被一头她以为是长尾小鹦鹉的鹰吃掉了。
I mean, it's just a lot of problems.
问题太多了。
Also, I heard that a zoo is facing charges for taking a bear out for ice cream at a local Dairy Queen.
听说一家动物园正在面临指控，原因是带一头熊去DQ吃冰淇淋。
Even worse, the bear is lactose intolerant. I mean, that was, Wait, what? That was a messy situation.
更糟糕的是，这头熊乳糖过敏，什么，问题太复杂了。
And finally, I saw that Madame Tussauds in London just unveiled wax figures of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle
最后，听说伦敦杜莎夫人蜡像馆推出了哈里王子和梅根的雕像，
ahead of the royal wedding. Can we take a look at that? Hey, not bad.
这是在皇室婚礼开始之前，来看看，不错嘛。
They look pretty good. Harry and Meghan actually released a statement about the new statues.
他们看起来很不错，梅根和哈利还发表了声明。
They said we are truly honored. Thank you for this wonderful wedding present.
他们说二人很荣幸，感谢这个礼物。
Then this wax statue of Prince William showed up and said ermagerd, yer gers lerk grert！Cerngrerts！
随后，威廉蜡像要说话了，他说你们俩真棒，祝贺！
Then this wax statue of Zac Efron showed up and said yer！I cern't wert fer the reryerl werding！
扎克·埃夫隆的蜡像说，没错，我等不及要参加婚礼了。
Then this weird statue of soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo was like gerring ter the cherpel, gerna gert merried！
小罗的铜像说，我等不及去参加教堂婚礼了。
Then this, Then this old plaque of Elvis Presley was like ferst cerms lerv，thern cerms merrerge.
埃尔维斯·普莱斯利的铜板说， 来得早不如来得巧，之后是结婚。
And finally, this statue of Lucille Ball showed up and said thern cerms berby ern the berby cerrerge.
露西尔·鲍尔的雕像说，结婚后生孩子，生孩子后还是孩子。
We have a great show tonight! Give it up for the Roots!
今晚的节目很精彩，掌声送给紫金合唱团。
