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This is usually the part where I'd make a joke about the president's tweets, but I'm not going to.
通常这时候我会开总统推特的玩笑 但今天我不这么做
Instead, I'm going to talk about something else scary-- Amazon.
相反 我要说一些可怕的东西——亚马逊
Have you seen what they're doing now?
大家看到他们在干什么了吗？
Do you know? Ohh. To me, this is scary. Take a look.
知道吗？哦 我觉得这挺吓人的 看一下
As an Amazon Prime member, you'll now be able to use Amazon Key-- a new service that enables in-home delivery.
作为亚马逊的高级会员 您现在可以使用Amazon Key——一款新的快递进家服务
With Amazon Key, you can get your packages delivered just inside your door.
有了Amazon Key 您可以选择把快递直接放进家中
Maybe you don't want your packages sitting out on display.
或许你不想让你的快递躺在门外供人观赏
Maybe rain is in the forecast.
或许外面会下雨
Or maybe you just need your mom's gift moments before she walks through the door.
也或许您恰好需要在妈妈进门前准备好礼物
OK, OK. So when I saw this, I don't know how you feel about it, but my first thought was, is this real?
好 好 我看到这个的时候 不知道大家是什么感受 我的第一反应是 这是真的吗？
And then my second thought was, is this real? I mean, seriously.
然后我的第二反应是 来真的？
Apparently it is, and here's how it works.
很明显真有这项服务 它是这样的
You order something on Amazon and you grant them access to your house through a cloud, what could possibly go wrong there?
你在亚马逊上买东西 可以通过云端授权他们进入你家 这一步能出什么错？
And then they drop off your package, rifle through your medicine cabinet, and leave.
然后他们把你的包裹放进家里 把你的医药箱扫荡一番 最后扬长而去
That's what happens.
就是这样
The reason Amazon is doing this is because a lot of people are worried that their packages, if they're left outside, someone will steal it.
亚马逊之所以提供这项服务是因为 很多人担心他们不在家的时候 门外的快递包裹会被偷
So the solution to that is to let people into your house where they have the opportunity to steal everything in your house.
所以解决办法就是让别人进你家里 让他们有机会偷走你家的一切
Oh my god, I would never use anything like this.
我的天哪 我绝对不会用这项服务
But I get why the girl in the commercial would.
不过我知道为啥广告里的那位女孩愿意
Let's show a picture of her apartment, please.
我们来看一下她家的照片
OK. Look at that place. Her lamp's on the floor.
好 看看 她家的灯都在地上
Her TV is resting on crates. She's got a chair that you bring to your kid's soccer game.
电视在架子上睡大觉 还有一把用来观看儿子足球比赛的椅子
Of course, she's not worried about strangers in her home.
她当然不担心陌生人进她家了
It looks like she's already been robbed. Man, oh man.
感觉她家已经被洗劫过了 我勒个去呀
So here's what I think. We're officially too busy. That's my opinion.
我觉得是这样 我们真的都太忙了 就是这样
We have become too busy.
我们生活节奏太快了
Remember when we used to be able to go to a store and pick out a birthday present.
还记得以前我们必须得去商店里选生日礼物吗
Now, we're too busy for that. So we started ordering them online.
现在我们根本没时间这么做 于是就开始了网购
And now we're so busy that we don't even have time to be there when it arrives, so we let strangers into our house.
然后我们又忙到连拿快递的时间都没有 于是我们就让陌生人把东西放进家里
I mean, pretty soon we're going to have to hire someone from Amazon to officially attend our mother's own birthday party.
要不了多久 我们就会在亚马逊上雇人参加妈妈的生日晚会了吧
That's actually a good idea. I'm going to do that.
这是个好主意 我就这么干
I'm going to think of that, Amazon. You don't have to do that.
我会考虑这个的 亚马逊 你们不需要
But we are working too hard, unless you're working for me, and then you're not working hard enough.
大家工作都太卖力了 不过我手下的员工还不够勤恳
But if you're not working for me, slow down everybody.
但如果你不是我的员工 那就慢下来吧 各位
We need to just slow down. Right? Man.
我们需要慢下节奏 对吧 天
Take some time to smell the roses, maybe even take time to actually stop and buy the roses at the florist,
花点时间闻闻花香 甚至停下脚步去花店买束花
and then take yourself home to your house, grant yourself access to your home.
然后把自己带回家 让自己进家门
And while you're there in the middle of the day, take time to watch my show.
在某一刻 打开电视看我的节目
That's what you should do.
大家应该这样
