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But to let go of the debilitating fear of failure and yet maintain my drive/ambition. So more in nuance understanding that you need to go hand in hand.
但是要摆脱这种消磨人意志的恐惧，同时保存我的动力和雄心。就必须要理解两者是密不可分的
Or, I can't, you know, I never used to be able to say no to people.
又或者，你们知道我以前不会对人说不
You know, such a short word, such an easy word, so difficult at times to say.
这么短小的一个词，简单的一个词，有时候是那么难以说出口
Why? Because I see myself and now I want other people to see me as empathic as sensitive as under... as a nice guy.
为什么？因为我眼中的自己和我希望别人眼中的自己是有同情心的
And then I unpack the two. And it really doesn't have to hand in hand. I can say no to people very sensitively
善解人意的，是老好人，于是我把两者拆开了，它们并不一定要连在一起，我可以善解人意的说不
because very often when I say yes to others, I'm saying no to myself, and in the long term, very often to the relationship.
因为很多时候当我对别人说好，我其实同时在对自己说不，从长远来看，也是在对亲密关系说不
So now I had a better more nuance understanding of when I can say no and when I don't want to say no
所以现在我更好更深入的了解了，我什么时候能说不，什么时候不想说
while maintaining my sensitivity and my empathy without experiencing the same levels of guilt that I experienced before whenever I said no.
同时，我还能保留自己的善解人意和同情心，也不必在每次说不的时候感到有种罪恶感
And the same you can do for everyone of these, of these characteristics. So think about
这里列出来的每种品格都是可以被拆开的。大家可以想想
what if you wanted to change for a very long time and weren't successful in.
有哪些品性是你很久以前就想改掉，却改不掉的
Was it perfectionism? Was it, you know this very serious grimness? And you wanted to be more playful?
对完美主义的追求？还是严酷无情？还是你想变得更顽皮活泼
Well maybe you didn't want to get rid of it because you were afraid of losing you seriousness.
也许你并不想摆脱这种个性，因为害怕自己会失去严肃认真的品性
And you don't need do.
其实你根本不需要失去
The baby can stay, the bath water can go if we have a more nuance understanding of what it is we want to change.
把婴儿留下，把洗澡水倒掉，前提是我们能搞清楚我们到底想改变什么
