And so then I went back into the research and spent the next couple of years really trying to understand what they,
然后我再度投入到了我的研究中,又花了几年时间,
the whole-hearted, what choices they were making, and what we are doing with vulnerability.
真正试图去理解那些全身心投入生活的人,他们做了怎样的决定,他们是如何应对脆弱的。
Why do we struggle with it so much? Am I alone in struggling with vulnerability? No.
为什么我们为之痛苦挣扎?我是独自在跟脆弱斗争吗?不是。
So this is what I learned. We numb vulnerability -- when we're waiting for the call.
这是我学到的:我们麻痹脆弱--(例如)当我们等待(医生)电话的时候。
It was funny, I sent something out on Twitter and on Facebook that says, "How would you define vulnerability?
好笑的是,我在Twitter微博和Facebook上发布了一条状态,“你怎样定义脆弱?
What makes you feel vulnerable?" And within an hour and a half, I had 150 responses.
什么会让你感到脆弱?”在1个半小时内,我收到了150条回复。
Because I wanted to know what's out there. Having to ask my husband for help because I'm sick, and we're newly married; initiating sex with my husband;
因为我想知道大家都是怎么想的。(回复中有)不得不请求丈夫帮忙,因为我病了,而且我们刚结婚;跟丈夫提出要做爱;
initiating sex with my wife; being turned down; asking someone out; waiting for the doctor to call back; getting laid off; laying off people.
跟妻子提出要做爱;被拒绝;约某人出来;等待医生的答复;被裁员;裁掉别人--
This is the world we live in. We live in a vulnerable world. And one of the ways we deal with it is we numb vulnerability.
这就是我们生活的世界。我们活在一个脆弱的世界里。我们应对的方法之一是麻痹脆弱。
And I think there's evidence -- and it's not the only reason this evidence exists,
我觉得这不是没有依据--这也不是依据存在的唯一理由,
but I think it's a huge cause -- We are the most in-debt ... obese ... addicted and medicated adult cohort in U.S. history.
我认为我们当代问题的一大部分都可以归咎于它--在美国历史上,我们是欠债最多,肥胖,毒瘾、用药最为严重的一代。
The problem is -- and I learned this from the research -- that you cannot selectively numb emotion.
问题是--我从研究中认识到--你无法选择性地麻痹感情。
You can't say, here's the bad stuff. Here's vulnerability, here's grief, here's shame, here's fear, here's disappointment.
你不能说,这些是不好的。这是脆弱,这是悲哀,这是耻辱,这是恐惧,这是失望,
I don't want to feel these. I'm going to have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin.
我不想要这些情感。我要去喝几瓶啤酒,吃个香蕉坚果松饼。
I don't want to feel these. And I know that's knowing laughter. I hack into your lives for a living. God.
我不想要这些情感。我知道台下传来的是会意的笑声。别忘了,我是靠“入侵”你们的生活过日子的。天哪。