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Biles thought she was, as she puts it, “good to go” before the Games.
拜尔斯认为，正如她所说，在奥运会之前“一切顺利”。
In retrospect, she acknowledges that she was shouldering a heavy load as she trained.
回想起来，她承认自己在训练时肩负着沉重的负担。
She was the face of Team USA, and fans around the globe were anticipating watching her gravity-defying skills.
她是美国队的代言人，全球的粉丝都期待着观看她挑战地心引力的技巧。
Gradually, she began to feel the Olympics were less about her fulfillment and more about theirs.
渐渐地，她开始觉得奥运会与其说是她的成就感，不如说是他们的成就感。
In the past, when she left the gym, she didn’t allow issues with certain skills to spill over into the rest of her day.
过去，当她离开健身房时，她不会让某些技能方面的问题影响到她一天的其他时间。
But as Tokyo loomed, “my mind was racing and I wasn’t going to sleep as easily,” she says.
但随着东京奥运会的临近，她说:“我的大脑在飞速运转，我不太容易入睡。”
The pandemic, which had delayed the Games from 2020, played a huge role in that, she thinks, since safety protocols meant she was limited to going to the gym and staying home.
她认为，疫情导致2020年的奥运会延期，这在很大程度上起到了作用，因为安全协议意味着她只能去健身房和呆在家里。
For the gregarious Biles, that meant more time alone with her thoughts.
对爱交际的拜尔斯来说，这意味着她有更多的时间独自思考。
Things only got worse in Japan.
如果在日本的话，情况只会变得更糟。
“We couldn’t hang out because of COVID-19 protocols,” she says, “so things you normally don’t think about because you don’t have time, now you have hours on end to think about—those doubts, those worries and those problems.”
“因为COVID-19协议，我们不能出去玩，”她说，“所以那些你通常因为没有时间而不会去想的问题，现在你有连续数小时的时间去想，想那些怀疑、那些担心和那些问题。”
Biles is the only survivor of the Nassar sexual abuse scandal still competing, and pushing for USAG and USOPC to be held responsible is part of what’s driven her over the past few years.
拜尔斯是纳萨尔性侵丑闻的唯一幸存者，推动USAG和USOPC承担责任是她在过去几年的部分动力。
“I definitely do think it had an effect,” she says of that burden.
“我确实认为这是有影响的，”她谈到这种负担时说。
“It’s a lot to put on one person. I feel like the guilt should be on them and should not be held over us. They should be feeling this [pain], not me.”
“一个人承受了太多。 我觉得罪责应该在他们身上而不是在我们身上。他们应该感受到这种(痛苦)，而不是我。”
It took Biles about a year after the first Nassar survivors came forward to reveal publicly that she is one of them; her mother Nellie remembers Biles calling her in tears in 2017, saying she needed to talk to her.
在第一批纳萨尔幸存者站出来公开披露此事后，拜尔斯花了大约一年的时间才成为他们中的一员; 她的母亲内莉记得拜尔斯在2017年哭着打电话给她，说她需要和她谈谈。
Training every day only served as a reminder of what she had been through and the lack of accountability by USAG.
每天的训练只会提醒她所经历的一切，以及美国联邦调查局缺乏责任感。
Biles didn’t feel she could even drive herself to and from her therapy sessions, so Nellie did, waiting outside in the car in case her daughter needed her.
拜尔斯觉得她甚至不能自己开车往返心理治疗中心，所以内莉开车接送她，内莉坐在车里在外面等着，以防她的女儿需要她。
That work, Biles felt, mentally prepared her for her second Olympics, which she attended without family because of COVID-19 restrictions.
拜尔斯觉得，心理治疗为她第二次参加奥运会做好了心理准备。由于COVID-19的限制，她没有带家人参加奥运会。
She had stopped going to therapy for about six months before the Games, Nellie says, insisting, “I’m fine, Mom.”
拜尔斯说，在奥运会之前，她已经有六个月没有接受心理治疗了，她坚持说:“我没事，妈妈。”
But after her scare on the vault, she called Nellie crying.
在跳马受到惊吓之后，她哭着打电话给奈莉。
“The only thing Simone kept saying was, ‘Mom, I can’t do it. I can’t do it,’” says Nellie.
“西蒙一直不停说的就是，‘妈妈，我做不到。 我做不到，’”内莉说。
In the days that followed, Biles says she got support from Team USA’s mental-health experts, who were on-site for the first time at an Olympics.
拜尔斯说，在接下来的几天里，她得到了美国队心理健康专家的支持，他们第一次出现在奥运会现场。
That helped her make another courageous choice: competing in the balance-beam final.
这帮助她做出了另一个勇敢的选择：参加平衡木决赛。
“At that point, it was no longer about medaling, but about getting back out there,” she says.
她说:“那时候，我的目标不再是拿奖牌，而是重返赛场。”
“I wanted to compete at the Olympics again and have that experience that I came for. I didn’t really care about the outcome. On that beam, it was for me.”
“我想重返奥运会赛场，获得那种我为之而来的经历。我真的不在乎结果。那根平衡木是为我准备的。”
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