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A few years ago, I signed up for something called a 360 review.
几年前，我报名参加了一场“360度评估”。
If you've ever worked in the corporate world, you probably have heard of this diabolical exercise.
如果你在业界工作，可能听说过这种变态活动。
It’s an anonymous survey with your bosses, peers and direct reports, and the idea is to get a panoramic sense of your strengths and weaknesses.
这是一项有你的老板、同事和直属上司参与的匿名调查，目的是全面了解你的优势和劣势。
I opted for the colonoscopy version of a 360 review.
我选择了360度评估的“肠镜”版本。
Which included my wife, my brother and two of my meditation teachers.
其中包括我的妻子、兄弟和两位冥想老师。
In all, 16 people gave hour-long confidential interviews, and I was then handed a 39-page report brimming with blind quotes.
总共16人接受了长达一小时的秘密采访，然后我收到了一份39页的报告，上面全都是匿名留言。
I can tell you're looking forward to hearing the results.
我看得出你们很期待结果。
Sadists.
太残忍了。
But I'm going to make you wait a second, because I should give you a little background on me.
但稍等一会儿，因为我想先介绍一下我自己。
I used to be an anchorman.
我曾经是一名主持人。
I worked at ABC News for 21 years.
在ABC新闻工作了21年。
It was a very stressful job.
这份工作压力很大。
In fact, I had a panic attack live on the air in 2004 while delivering some otherwise mundane headlines.
事实上，我在2004年直播时急性焦虑症发作，当时我正在播报一些日常新闻。
The good news is that my nationally televised freak out ultimately led me to meditation, which I had actually long rejected as ridiculous.
好消息是，这次全国直播的“事故”最终把我指引上了冥想之路，之前我一直认为冥想太荒谬了。
I was raised by a pair of atheist scientists.
我父母都是无神论者和科学家。
I'm a fidgety, skeptical guy.
我是个焦躁多疑的人。
And that kind of led me to unfairly lump meditation in with aura readings, vision boards and dolphin healing.
这让我带有偏见地将冥想与气场解读、愿景板和海豚治疗混为一谈。
But the practice really helped me with my anxiety and depression.
但冥想真的帮助我缓解了焦虑和抑郁。
And so my goal became to make meditation attractive to my fellow skeptics by ditching the New Age cliches and liberally using the f-word.
因此，我的目标变成了让我多疑的同伴们都对冥想产生兴趣，从不再使用流行语和“*你妈”开始。
To my great surprise, this unorthodox approach turned me into a quasi self-help guru.
令我大吃一惊的是，这种非正统的方法让我成为了一个准自救大师。
And a few years into this trip, I decided that I wanted to get a sense of whether my inner work was having outer results, you know?
在冥想了几年后，我决定要了解一下我的内在改变是否产生了外在效果。
Was meditation making me a nicer person?
冥想是否让我成为了一个更好的人？
And that's why I signed up for the 360.
这就是我参加360度评估的原因。
And now I will tell you about the results.
现在我要告诉你们评估的结果。
The first 13 pages were dedicated to my sterling qualities.
前13页都在夸赞我的优秀品质。
People talked about how hardworking and intelligent I was.
人们说我是多么勤奋和聪明。
Many also said meditation had made me more caring.
许多人还说，冥想让我变得更善解人意。
But then came 26 pages of beat down.
然后就是26页的痛击。
The first blow was that some reviewers noted that I had a penchant for being rude to junior staffers, which was deeply embarrassing.
第一个打击是，一些评论者认为我有对初级员工很粗鲁，这让我非常尴尬。
But it only got worse.
但后面的就更糟糕了。
I was called emotionally guarded, a diva and an authoritarian.
有人说我防备心重、性情暴戾、独裁主义。
I don't know why that's funny.
我不知道有啥好笑的。
Some people even questioned my motives for promoting meditation.
有些人甚至质疑我推广冥想的动机。
It got so bad that at one point my wife, who was reading it with me, got up and went to the bathroom and cried.
质疑声铺天盖地，以至于和我一起读评论的妻子起身去卫生间哭泣。
