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中间第二段：
On the other hand, 1colorful augment can be made that letters can 2 sprawn even greater benefits on individuals。
点评：
1 argument可数名词，colorful和argument的搭配很怪异。
修改：On the other hand, counter arguments can be made that…
2 sprawn 没有这个单词存在。
修改：Letters can bring more benefits rather than drawbacks to the general public。
Fristly, writing letter is 1more cheaper than mobile phones。
点评：1形容词比较级用法错误 much cheaper 。
Undeniably，the expenses of 1we spend on mobile phones are to be unaffordable。
点评：1of后面缺宾语，没有连词的句子无法充当宾语。
2 你的观点是写信便宜，论证是写信费用高的无法接受，这个首先是太绝对，其次是没有说服力，得给出细节才行。
修改：
It is well known that sending a letter to a friend in other cities take no more than 1 yuan in China. In contrast, an inter-city call charges you more than 3-5 yuan。
Besides, kepping in touch with our relatives with mobile phones or E-mails can only 1lull us into a false sence of intimacy. 2On the contrast, letters can convey our feelings more effectively。
