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Members of the Class of 2006, friends, faculty, parents, members of the Taliban: Thank you very much. What? What? Oh, come on. Come on. What are you going to do, bury me up to my head in the sand? Something, come on. Hey, I've been there. I've been there.
2006届的毕业生，各位朋友，全体教职员工，各位家长以及塔利班分子，非常感谢你们！什么？你说什么？哦，你们打算做什么？活埋了我？来吧，来吧！嘿，我去过那儿，我亲身经历过塔利班的统治。
I have to be honest, I was a bit nervous to come back to Yale. I graduated with the Class of 1989, 17 years ago, and I still have this recurring nightmare. I still have this recurring nightmare. Trumbull, yes, thank you. Trumbull. Sure, why not? I still have this recurring nightmare that there's some exam I haven't completed in one of those throwaway science courses like you know Intro. to Psych or something. Oh, come on. I love Intro. to Psych. I just really didn't want to take a science course. And actually last night I literally had a dream that the campus police had an outstanding warrant for my arrest if I returned to Yale. So I was a little bit nervous.
坦白说，重返耶鲁我确实有点紧张。17年前，也就是1989年，我从这里毕业，但是噩梦至今仍没有结束。噩梦仍纠缠不休。特兰布尔，没错，这当然得感谢特兰布尔学院，为什么不呢？我至今仍会做这样的噩梦，梦到自己还有某一科考试没有完成，都是一些垃圾学科的考试，比如《心理学入门》。事实上，我挺喜欢《心理学入门》，只是很不愿意学习理科。昨天晚上我确实做了一个梦，梦见我一旦回到耶鲁大学，校警卫将有充分的理由将我逮捕。所以我确实有点儿紧张。
And the other reason I was reluctant to return to campus is that being here actually allows the Yale Alumni Association to get a pinpoint on me. Because you don't know this about the Yale Alumni Association yet, but let me just warn you: for the rest of your life, they will hunt you down. No matter where you go, no matter what country you live in, they will find you, and they will write you letters and they will squeeze you for every cent you make. Seriously, enjoy the next 24 hours because right now you are still students. Tuesday morning they will have all your numbers, all your address in the database and they will start tracking you. If Osama bin Laden was a Yale graduate they would know what cave he was in, exactly. It's true. President Bush should get the Yale Alumni Association on the case.
我不愿重返耶鲁还有另外一个原因，那就是，一旦我回到这里，耶鲁校友会就能精确把握我的动向。你们也许还不太了解耶鲁校友会吧，那我就给你们提个醒吧，在你们毕业之后，耶鲁校友会将会一直追踪你。不管你走到哪里，不管你生活在哪个国家，他们都会找到你，给你写信，会榨干你挣到的每一分钱。严肃点说，尽情享受这最后24小时的学生时光吧！星期二早上，他们将会把你们所有人的电话号码和地址存入数据库，并开始追踪你们。如果奥萨马·本·拉登是耶鲁毕业的，那么他们将会知道他藏在哪一个山洞里。这是真的。布什总统应该请耶鲁校友会来协助处理本·拉登一案。
