BEFORE - Don't stop
AFTER - Don't start

BEFORE - Is that all you're having?
AFTER - Maybe you should have just a salad, honey

BEFORE - It's like I'm living in a dream
AFTER - It's like he lives in a dorm(宿舍)

BEFORE - We agree on everything
AFTER - Doesn't she have a mind of her own?

BEFORE - I love a woman with curves(皱摺)
AFTER - I never said you were fat

BEFORE - Time stood still
AFTER - This relationship is going nowhere

BEFORE - I can hardly believe we found each other
AFTER - I can't believe I ended up with someone like you

You and Your Computer( 你和你的电脑）
 It is time to reassess your relationship with your
computer when....（到了重新评价你和你的电脑的关系时候了当......)
1. You wake up at 4 O'clock in the morning to go to the    bathroom and stop to check your email on the way back to   bed.(你早晨四点醒来去厕所，回卧室时去检查邮件。）
2. You turn off your computer and get an awful empty    feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.    （当你关掉电脑时感到很遗憾，好象离开你的情人一样。）
3. You decide to stay in college for an additional year or    two, just for the free internet access.（你决定再在大学呆一两年，只为的是用免费因特网。）
4. You laugh at people with 28.8 modems.（你嘲笑用28.8比特调制解调的人）
5. You start using smiles :-) in your snail mail.(你在一般的信件中，开始用微笑符号 :-))
6. You find yourself typing "com" after every period when
    using a word processor.com （当你做文字处理时，你不由自主地在句号后面打com)
7. You can't correspond with your mother because she doesn't
    have a computer.(你不能和你母亲通信，因为她没有电脑。）
8. When your email box shows "no new messages" and you feel
    really depressed.（当你发现信箱中没有“新邮件”时，你感到非常沮丧。）
9. You don't know the gender of your three closest friends
    because they have nondescript screen name and you never
    bothered to ask.（你不知道你三个最好朋友的性别，因为他们在屏幕上的名字难以辨认出，而你从不想问。）
10. You move into a new house and you decide to netscape
     before you landscape.（你搬进新家，你决定先建网景再建风景。）

A Surprising Wedding Toast
   "And finally, may the happy couple lie, steal and cheat. (Pause, then explains) May they lie in each other's arms, may they steal away for a blissful honeymoon, and may they cheat time to live as long as possible." (note: "lie

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