Tina: Just think, soon I'll be Mrs. Edward... Mrs. Edward...
Kate: Zeff.
Tina: Is that his last name?
Kate: Tina, I get the feeling you don't know Eddy all that well.
Tina: I don't wanna spoil the fun.
Kate: Marriage is a serious step.
Tina: Oh, I know it is. Mom always told me to look for Mr. Right, she said when you find him
you get this feeling in your stomach and you know. That's how it happened when she met my
dad.
Kate: Oh, that's sweet; your dad was Mr. Right!
Tina: No, it turned out she had a bug or something...by that time she'd already married him,
and her life was hell.
Kate: Boy, a story like that really makes you think. I mean, you don't wanna make a big
mistake.
Tina: See, I don't know how you get that out of it.
Kate: Well what else could it mean?
Tina: Well why wait around for a feeling in your stomach, when it could turn out to be gas.

Mike: Hey, I wanted to ask you. Have you really thought about what marriage is gonna be
like?
Eddy: Oh, I can't stop thinking about it.
Mike: You don't have any doubts?
Eddy: You think I should have doubts? You think there's a chance I might not be doing the
right thing.
Mike: Hey, well...
(Kate in Mike's head) oh, it's just like you to think that marriage is the end of everything good,
instead of the beginning...Hey, look Ed, if you're happy then I'm happy. I'm behind you a thousand per cent.
Eddy: Oh, thanks man, that means a lot to me.
Kate: Mike, can I talk to you?
Mike: Ah, Kate, Kate, yeah, yeah, I was just telling... Hey, Kate I just wanted to tell you, I
think you were absolutely right. You should have seen the look on Eddy's face when I told him
this marriage was a good idea.
Kate: Why on earth would you do that?
Mike: Well, because you told me to.
Kate: Oh, out of all the times I've told you things, you pick this one to start listening!

Maggie: Yes, hello, Cubert's Cathedral. Yes, I am trying to find a couple that is about to make
a tragic mistake... What do you mean, take my pick? Well... Hello! Hello! Oh, Jason, it's no use.
There must be fifty chapels in Las Vegas.
Jason: Hey, Maggie, the Gold diggers are headlining at Surfer's Circus.
Maggie: Jason, please try and stay focused here.
Jason: Honey, I'm just trying to find something to be happy about. This is pointless. What if
we do find Mike, what are we gonna do, ground him? Send him to his suite without room
service?
Maggie: I am not giving up. I am not forgetting why I'm here.
Jason: OK. Alright. I'll take the chapels from Adam's Rib to Marriages Awry, and you take
Naughty but Nice to Zing Zing Zing with my heart.
Maggie: OK.

Tina: One of The Monkees was married here!
Kate: Oh, this is quite a place.
Eddy: We're here to get married.
Owner: We don't do groups.
Mike: No, no, no, sir, we're not getting married. Just they are.
Owner: That's nine ninety five for the, "We've only just begun" chapel, or nineteen ninety five
for the, "you're having my baby" chapel.
Eddy: Well, what's the difference.
Owner: Ten Dollars. Come on, I'll show you.
Mike: Kate, Kate, we can not let them go through with this.
Kate: What are we supposed to do?
Mike: Well, I think it's time to be a man, and to go in there and tell 'em that this is a big
mistake. Alright, well go ahead, tell them.
Kate: Mike, it should come from a friend. You tell Eddy.
Mike: OK. Alright. I think this wedding is the biggest mistake of your lives! Wrong chapel.

Officiator: Hi, I'm Miriam, I'm officiating at your wedding. Are you kids ready?
Eddy: Oh, yeah.
Tina: Wait, I'm not sure...
Mike: Oh, yes.
Tina: OK, I'm sure.
Eddy: You being here means a lot to me bro.
Officiator: Alright, the bride and the groom stand here. The best man, and the maid of honour
at their sides. Gilbert!! Dearly beloved, we have come here today to join this man, Edward
Cornelius Zeff and this woman, Tina Louise, in holy matrimony. In the presence of these
witnesses...
Mike: (in his head) This is his decision. It's his life! And who am I to tell him what to do? Like
my relationship's working out so hot.
Eddy: ( in his head) You're my best friend, Mike. Will you give me away?
Kate: (in his head) Someone should tell him the truth.
Mike: (in his head) You think I should have doubts, you think I'm not doing the right thing?
Kate: (in his head) It should come from a friend, Mike. You tell Eddy.
Eddy: ( in his head) You being here means a lot to me, bro.
Officiator: If anybody knows why these two should not be wed, speak now...
Mike: Now! I mean, no! Look, you guys, you can't do this. This is not right. I mean, I don't
know...I just know that marriage is not something you're supposed to fool around with. I
mean, it's more important than that. Marriage is even more important than love, because it's
about two people spending the rest of their lives together. It's like two people becoming one
new person, and I wouldn't be a friend if I didn't say something. I dunno, maybe you think I'm
not a friend because I did.
Eddy: Wanna call it off?
Tina: Sure, what the heck.
Eddy: Well, that's settled. Anyone wanna see, Bottoms Up 921?
Tina: I do! I do! I came here to say that, and I said it!
Eddy: Hey, you guys gonna come along? OK, we'll catch up with you later.
Officiator: That's why we take the money first.
Kate: Wow, that was quite a speech you made.
Mike: Oh, man, it was me, wasn't it?
Kate: Where did all that come from?
Mike: Ah...I don't know. I don't know. I just opened my mouth and out it came. I would have
stopped myself but I wanted to see how it finished.
Kate: But you did believe what you said...Mike?
Mike: Yeah, I was just gonna see if I believed it.
Kate: I thought it was beautiful. You really surprised me.
Mike: Yeah, me too.
Kate: So, what other surprises have you got for me?

Maggie: Oh, Jason, I have a good feeling about this place.
Jason: Wow, one of The Monkees was married here.
Maggie: My God, we're too late!
Mike: Mom, Dad, what are you guys doing here?
Jason: Maggie, be big about this.
Maggie: Welcome to our family. I knew I could get to like you eventually.
Kate: No, no, no. Mike and I aren't married.
Tina: Mike, do you still have our rings?
Jason: Welcome to our family.
Mike: No, no, no, no, guys, I'm not married to her either.
Tina: Eddy and I need to porn our rings to go to this show.
Mike: Oh, right.
Maggie: Mike, what's happening here? Aren't you married to anyone?
Mike: No, no, Mom. I came here as Eddy's best man, but they just called the wedding off.
Maggie: I am so relieved, oh... Oh, not that marrying you would be the worst thing Mike's
ever done. Oh, no, I mean there is a chance that you're a fine young lady.
Jason: Oh, I got a great idea; why don't we all just leave before we say something stupid?
Maggie: Alright.
Mike: Ah...Kate, what do you say we start dating again?
Kate: Well, I don't know when we'd have the time, we're seeing each other almost every
night.
Mike: Oh, I knew it. I knew you'd say that...
Officiator: They'll be back.