Ben: My mother clocks me. My brother makes fun of me. How much worse can this get?
[Dream sequence: Enter The Wimp]
Maggie: Hey, you, little blond boy. I see you are depressed and humiliated.
Ben: Oh, please, mom. Don't make fun of me.
Maggie: Don't be silly, little blond boy. I would never do such a thing. Unless I had help of course, from family and friends.
Jason: You are so very weak. I have replaced your CD's with….Perry Como records.
Mike: And painted your guitar.
Luke: And stolen your girlfriends.
Jason: And put new sheets on your bed decorated with tiny hearts and flowers.
Ben: Come on, you guys.
Entire family: (karate sounds)
Maggie: I grow weary of these attacks. Let his friends at school attack him.
Ben: No, please, mom, don't make me go to school.
Maggie: Have no fear, little blond boy. We shall send you to school with a fearsome bodyguard.
Chrissy: Ai-yah! I will protect you, little blond boy. And then I shall laugh in your face. (laughing)
Maggie: Hey, Ben. You didn't finish your breakfast.
Ben: Mom, I made my decision. I'm quitting karate.
Maggie: You want to quit?
Ben: Yeah. I'd quit school but it's illegal. I'd quit the family but I'd starve. Look, you mind if I stay home from school today? I'm not feeling so good.
Maggie: I guess it's all right.
Ben: Thanks.
Car buyer2: Well, it certainly looks fine. I'll take it!
Dwight: Oh, there are a couple of problems that you should probably….
Mike: Uh, say, Dwight, uh. Do you happen to have the same craving for some port wine cheese balls as I do?
Dwight: Why, yes I do. I thought it was just me.
Mike: Boy, I say, why don't you go whip us up some, and I'll, uh, close the deal.
Dwight: Sure.
Car buyer2: What are these problems he's talking about?
Mike: Oh, oh, nothing ma'am. That's just Dwight. He, he happens to think that we're not charging enough. But since when is selling a car about making money? It's about people helping people, right?
Car buyer2: (sighing) Isn't that sweet! (gasping) Say, what's that black puddle under there?
Mike: Oh, uh, th-that's perfectly normal. Uh, it's, well, just the same way that your body sweats, uh, a car releases moisture. It's, uh, a sign of health.
Car buyer2: Well, my friends say I should have it checked by a mechanic, but you have such an honest face. Shall I make the check out to you?
Mike: Yes. No! Uh, yes. No, no! Ma'am, it's a rolling death trap. Quick! Get out of here before I sell it to you again.
Dwight: Well, well, well. You told the truth.
Mike: Well, I didn't mean to. It just slipped out.
Dwight: Cheese ball?
Mike: Dufus! Oh, sorry.
Dwight: Well, Mike, I guess you're right. We'll never sell the car by telling the truth.
Mike: Oh, yeah? Well, I got an idea. Dwight, you pop the hood. I'm gonna get my tools. You and I are gonna fix this car.
Mike: Dwight, that's the trunk.
Dwight: Oh, my God! Where have I been putting the oil?
Jason: Okay. All right. We'll deal with Ben your way.
Maggie: Trust me, Jason, it'll work.
Jason: Last time you said that we had to get married.
Maggie: Oh! He's coming.
Jason: Hey, Ben. Your mom says you want to give up karate lessons.
Ben: Look, dad. I tried; I failed; my life is ruined.
Jason: C'mon, that eye's gonna be fine. But there's no reason why you can't go right back to karate class.
Maggie: Jason, what are you talking about? The next person he fights might not love him like I do.
Jason: Well, I don't want our son to give up just because he got hurt, Maggie.
Maggie: Jason, he wasn't just hurt. He was taken out, flattened, destroyed! By his mommy! I'm sorry, pookie, does it still hurt?
Ben: No! I've made peace with being a four-eyed geek, whose butt was kicked by his mother.
Jason: Ben, I don't want you to quit, and I'm gonna tell you why.
Ben: Oh, please, dad. No pep talks.
Jason: Oh, come on. I mean, you've been down before, Ben, and every time you've been down before, you've reached down deeper for some of that "heck, I can do it" Seaver spirit, right?
Ben: And I thought you were gonna give me a pep talk.
Jason: And what about the cap thing?
Maggie: Oh, it's very simple. From now on, we dress him in plain, generic clothes that no other kid would be caught dead in.
Ben: Wait a minute….
Maggie: Jason, let him quit.
Jason: Oh, we still gotta eat the cost of those karate lessons.
Maggie: Well, Chrissy can take them.
Jason: Ah.
Maggie: Honey, we should just face it. It's obvious that Ben doesn't have the talent, the drive, or the ability.
Jason: God knows, he's a klutz.
Ben: Okay, okay. I'm starting to feel that "heck, I can do it" Seaver spirit. Mom, dad, I'm going back to karate. And you know, you guys used to be much better at this "good cop, bad cop" thing.
Maggie: So, would you glad trust me?
Jason: Both times.
Sim: Let's go! Huh!
Sim: Recall your kicks.
Maggie: That's great! Great!
Car Buyer3: She's kinda old. How's she holding up?
Mike: Just like brand new, because I have, and may a satellite strike me if I'm lying, not only tuned it up, but I have changed the brakes, I've checked the alignment, fixed the fuel pump, I have replaced all the hoses, and preset all the radio stations.
Car buyer3: Sounds great! Will you accept a personal check?
Dwight: No!
Car buyer3: Even with two forms of ID?
Dwight: No!
Car buyer3: All right, I'll offer you cash.
Dwight: No! We're not selling.
Mike: Dwight! We're not what?
Dwight: Mike, I only wanted to sell it cause it went (car noises), and now that's gone! It's going vroom-vroom! And my heart's going thawagada-thawagada-thawagada.
Mike: Dwight, will you join me for a minute in this time zone?
Dwight: Mike, thanks to you I love my car again. And we're not selling!
Mike: Dwight! You cheese-eating, tangle-haired, medieval moron! I put over $500 of labor into this hunk of junk!
Dwight: Thank you.
Luke: Woo! Hey, Ben! Looking fresh.
Ben: Thanks.
Ben: Well, it's Becka. Finally I'm ready to talk to her.
Luke: If Becka's around, so is Razor.
Ben: Don't worry about it. I know what to do.
Ben: Hi, Becka.
Becka: Hi, Ben.
Razor: Hi, geek.
Ben: The name's Ben.
Razor: Oh, that's right. You had it written inside my new hat.
Ben: Look, I don't want any trouble.
Razor: Oh, yeah? Well, you know what I want? I want that nice, new jacket you've got on.
Ben: Okay, he's facing me three-quarters to the left. That leaves him wide open for a fake jab, step in, back-kick to the ribs, and I can finish him off with a palm thrust to the nose.
Razor: What are you staring at, geek? Am I gonna have to bust you one? I said give it to me now.
Luke: Somebody get the nurse, quick, this guys hurt.
Razor: What are you staring at, geek? Am I gonna have to bust you one? I said give it to me now.
Luke: No. I'm not giving you this jacket, or anything else ever again.
Razor: Whoa! Big man, huh? Big words. All right, geek, c'mon, let's throw. Show me what you've got, tough guy, huh! C'mon, let's go for it right here, right now! Go for it!
Luke: He's wide open. The dude will never see it coming. Control. Don't touch him unless you have to.
Razor: C'mon, geek, let's go for it. Huh! Huh! (clucking)
Ben: I'm not gonna fight you.
Razor: Did you hear that? He said he's not gonna fight me, huh. What am I supposed to do, huh? Stand on his feet, and use him like a punching bag? (laughing) Look at the dude, he's frozen. Come on, babe, let's get out of here.
Luke: Hey, man, you were amazing.
Ben: Thanks. I came real close to getting ugly.
Luke: Well, speaking of ugly, you can forget about Becka. She's not worth it.
Gail: Excuse, me. Ben?
Ben: Yeah?
Gail: I really like the way you handled that creep.
Ben: Thanks.
Gail: Save you a seat at lunch?
Ben: Sure. I'm always hungry.