Ross: So I told Carl, 'Nobody, no matter how famous their parents are, nobody is allowed to climb on the dinosaur.'

But of course this went right in one ear and out...

Rachel: I love how he cares so much about stuff. If I squint I can pretend he's Alan Alda.

Monica: Oh good, another dinosaur story. When are those gonna become extinct?

Chandler: If I was a superhero who could fly and be invisible, that would be the best.

Gunther: What does Rachel see in this guy? I love Rachel. I wish she was my wife.

Phoebe: Who's singing?

Ross: Hey. When you guys were kids and you played Happy Days, who were you? I was always Richie.

Monica: I was always Joanie.

Joey: Question. Was ah, 'Egg the Gellers!' the war cry of your neighborhood?

Phoebe: Ewww! Oh! It's the Mattress King! Booo! !

Chandler: Don't look honey. Change the channel! Change the channel!

Janice: Wait! Wait! I wanna see this. After I divorce him, half of that kingdom is gonna be mine.

Mattress King: 'Despair fills the mattress showroom.

My kingdom is suddenly without a queen. I'm so depressed I'm going to slash...my prices! !

Check it out! Four ninety nine for a pillow top queen set! I'm going medieval on prices!

Chandler: What a wank!

Janice: Oh, I cannot believe he's using our divorce to sell mattresses.

Monica: I know! And four ninety nine for a pillow top queen set, who cares about the divorce, those babies will sell themselves.

And I'm appalled for you by the way.

Mattress King: I'm close. I'm cheap. I'm the king.

Chandler: He stuffs that codpiece right?

Janice: Oh yeah!

Monica: Ok, here you go.

Chandler: Oh, you know what? I asked for a no cinnamon on top.

Rachel: Ok. All right, daddy we'll see you tomorrow night. Ok bye.

Ross: We?

Rachel: Are ah, having dinner with my Dad tomorrow night, I hope that's ok.

Ross: Oh shoot, tomorrow's not so good, I'm supposed to um, fall off the Empire State building and land on a bicycle with no seat. So.

Rachel: Ross, my father doesn't hate you.

Ross: Please, he refers to me as 'wet head'.

Rachel: But honey he calls everybody by a nickname! Ok, look, I know, all right, just one dinner, please, one night for me, pleeease.

I just want him to love you like I do.

All right, well not exactly like I do, but, if you do come to dinner, I'll love you like I do in that black thing that you like.

Chandler: I'll go.

Ross: Fine.

Rachel: Thank you.

Ross: Hi Gunther.

Gunther: Yeah, we'll see!

Joey: Hey, you guys!

Phoebe: Hey! Guess what? What? I got a gig! Yay! !

Chandler: See, that's why I can never be an actor. Because I can't say gig.

Phoebe: Yeah, I can't say croissant. Oh my God!

Monica: What's the part?

Joey: Well, it's not a part, no. I'm teaching acting for soap operas down at the Learning Extension.

Ross: Come on! That's great. Wow!

Joey: Yeah, yeah. It's like, it's like my chance to give something back to the acting community.

Ross: You know you probably not are allowed to sleep with any of your students.

Joey: I know!

Phoebe: Ugh! I don't know, Monica. It feels funny just being here.

I mean if you buy a bed from Janice's ex husband, that's like betraying Chandler.

Monica: Not at these prices.

Phoebe: Hi. You know, in England this car would be on the other side of the store. Woosh!

Monica: Oh! Ohhhhh! Oh! Phoebe, come here. Aw, this is my new bed. You gotta feel this bad boy.

Phoebe: Eh, Monica, it's still, it feels so weird, you know? Chandler's your friend...Oh! Oh my God!

Aw, all right, take this bed, you can make other friends. Aw.

Joey: Good evening. I am Mr. Tribbiani. And I will be teaching acting for soap operas.

Unfortunately, tonight will be my only class because due to a rare blood disease I only have two weeks to live.

Female So, do we get our deposit back?

Joey: That was supposed to be an example of acting for soap operas.

Male Then why are you only teaching tonight?

Joey: I'm not! Look, why don't we get straight to the lesson! Ok, all right?

Now um, on my first day as Dr. Drake Remoray on Days of Our Lives, Uh, I learned that one of the most important things in soap opera acting is reacting, this does not mean acting again, it means, you don't have a line, but someone else just did. And it goes something like this.

Thanks, thanks, thanks a lot. Oh, by the way, before I forget, to work in soap operas some of you're gonna have to become much more attractive. All right, moving right along.

Joey: Hi! Hey! Ooh! How was teaching last night?

Joey: Oh it was great. Yeah, you get to say stuff like, 'Hey, the bell doesn't dismiss you, I, dismiss you.'

Phoebe: Ooooh, nice. Yeah. Oh, and guess what, I got an audition for All My Children. Oh, yay!

Joey: Yeah, it's this great part, this boxer named Nick.

And I'm so, so right for it, you know, he's just like me. Except, that he's a boxer, and and has an evil twin.

Phoebe: Oh.

Guy: Dom da da dom! Here ye! Here ye! Delivery from the Mattress King. You Miss Geller? Ok.

Guy: Sign here. Oh, do I have a middle name? All right Monica Velula Geller. Hey, it's that bedroom there. Ha!

Joey: Hey, Monica bought a bed from the Mattress King?

Phoebe: Yeah, uh! So please, please, please, don't say anything to Chandler.

Joey: You want me to lie to Chandler? Is that a problem? No.

Phoebe: Oh, hey, hey Nick the boxer let's see what you got. All right ya, put them up. Come on.

Joey: Yeah. Hey, you're ah, pretty good at this.

Phoebe: Yeah, well I had to learn, I was staying at the Y and some of the young men weren't acting Christian enough.

Joey: Ahh. Hey now! Hey! !! Oww! ! And I'm bleeding.

Phoebe: Oh! Oh! Ok, great. Wow! And I'm a vegetarian! Yeah.

Phoebe: All right, all right, well I'm sorry, we'll put some ice on it. Ok.

Phoebe: Ok, put your head back. All right. I can't see.

Phoebe: All right, I have ya. Oh God.

Guy: Which bedroom do ya want it in Miss Geller?

Phoebe: Oh, it's um, it's the compulsively neat one by the window, ok? Gotcha.

Rachel: Hi Daddy!

Dr. Green: This is where they put it? What, there's no table available in the kitchen? ! Hello, baby.

Rachel: You remember Ross. Dr. Green: Um hmm. Nice to see you again Dr. Green.

Dr. Green: So! How's the library?

Ross: Ugh, museum.

Dr. Green: What happened to the library?

Ross: There never was a library. I mean there are libraries, its just that I ah, I never worked at one.

Dr. Green: You know what's really good here, the lobster. What do you say, shall I just order three?

Ross: Yeah, if you're really hungry. It's a joke, I made a joke.

Rachel: Yeah, actually Daddy, Ross is allergic to lobster.

Dr. Green: What kind of person is allergic to lobster? I guess the kind of person that works at a library.

Ross: It's not a library...

Dr. Green: I know! It's a museum! What, you're the only one around here who can make a joke. At least mine was funny.

Ah, waiter, we will have two lobsters and a menu.

Ross: So, Dr. Green, how's the old boat?

Dr. Green: They found rust. You know what rust does to a boat?

Ross: Gives it a nice antiquey look?

Dr. Green: Rust, is boat cancer, Ross.

Ross: Wow. I'm sorry, when I was a kid I lost a bike to that.

Dr. Green: Excuse me for a moment, will you please, I wanna say good night to the Levines, before we go.

Rachel: Ok. Ok!

Rachel: Aw honey, stop! It's not that bad.

Ross: Yeah. Op! Uh oh! I think your Dad must've added wrong. He only tipped like four percent.

Rachel: Yeah. That's Daddy.

Ross: That's Daddy? What, doesn't it bother you? You're a waitress.